Last night I went with a friend to see the new remake of Friday the 13th. My friend is a horror movie junkie and has loved this particular franchise since he was a kid, but I only had one shallow reason for wanting to see the film: Jared Padalecki.
I went in with no illusions, since I'd heard online that Jared showed no skin in the movie. He was, however, playing the male lead (unless of course you count Jason as the male lead), which meant plenty of screen time. Besides, who doesn't like a good scare now and then when you know you're perfectly safe?
One of the most intense movie going moments I ever had was when I saw Scream 2 in the theatre, during the scene where Sidney & her roommate have to crawl over the seemingly unconscious killer to get out of the crashed cop car. I figured if this movie could deliver one good scare like that, along with the chance to see Jared on the big screen, it would be worth it.
Sadly, the movie never scared me once. Every single scare scene was utterly predictable, down to the last few seconds of the film. Not only was it predictable, it was cliched as hell. Not in the good, Scream kind of way, either, where the filmmakers and audience are all in on the joke. No, it was just one completely unironic cliche after another, from the drinking and drug use to the gratuitous female nudity.
On the latter point, would it have killed them to have at least one shot of male nudity? Women and gay men do see horror films too, you know!
So, as a film, it was an even bigger waste of time than I expected it to be. Jared, though he was the male lead, didn't even really have that much to do other than the usual running, hiding, and fighting. He looked damn good doing it all, though! My God was that man filling out his t-shirt! It has been forever since he did a shirtless scene on Supernatural (well, shirtless from the front; we've seen his bare back a few times this season) and that's a real shame because he's clearly been working out like crazy.
Other than Jared and cutie Ben Feldman, who played one of the doomed campers at the beginning of the film, the guys in the movie didn't do much for me. Don't get me wrong, they were all nice looking (hottness is obviously a prerequisite for being a victim of Jason), but no one else really stood out for me.
So, really, it was a waste of time all around, except for ogling Jared's pecs in that shirt. Even my friend was disappointed with the film, finding it to be more of a 'decent sequel' (his words) to the earlier films rather than a re-imagining of the series like he'd expected.
I knew I'd see this movie and I knew I'd have no respect for myself after doing so. The things we do for celebrity crushes!
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