At any rate, on today's show Nina let slip to Philip's mother Jill and his... well, Katherine is his late father's widow and a sort of secondary mother figure to him, I guess you could say. Anyway, Nina let slip that there were circumstances that the two of them didn't know yet about him faking his death, but wouldn't elaborate further, saying it was Philip's story to tell.
Katherine, who'd had a mini stroke when Philip showed up alive after twenty years, was being released from the hospital, so Nina headed to the Chancellor mansion ahead of her and Jill and told Philip that he had to tell them the truth.
Philip didn't think the truth would help all that much and sarcastically asked Nina if knowing had brought her any peace. Nina said it had helped her to understand that things were more complicated than she'd thought.
Jill and Katherine returned at that point and Nina left Philip no choice in the matter when she asked them if they'd like to sit down and hear the full story of why Philip spiraled out of control twenty years ago.
Jill asked her son to please explain whatever it was that would help them accept what he'd done and Philip wondered if they could possibly imagine anything that would really make it okay. Jill said she just wanted to hear what he had to say and Philip wryly told her that she wouldn't want to hear this.
Nina: Philip, will you just stop this? All right, it's no big deal. Just tell them. You owe them that much.
Katherine: Nina, it's more of the same. Now, he went away and left us to believe that he was dead. And now he's taunting us with some sort of secret. You know, I've had enough of your games young man-
Philip: I was never gonna be the man that you wanted me to be! I would never make you happy. I wasn't going to be the son or the heir that you wanted because Philip Chancellor III couldn't possibly be gay!
Katherine looked shocked, but it was the look on Jill's face that was truly priceless, as was the inflection she used when she responded with the single word "Gay?"
Philip explained that his sexuality was a big part of the reason that he'd left and then sarcastically asked if he was magically forgiven now that they knew he was gay.
Katherine pointed out that he'd had a child with Nina and Philip explained that they'd had sex on a night in which he was drunk enough to believe that he could be who he was expected to be. Katherine realized that his drinking had been to cover up all his deceit and Jill quickly corrected her, saying it was confusion, not deceit.
Katherine: Nina, it's more of the same. Now, he went away and left us to believe that he was dead. And now he's taunting us with some sort of secret. You know, I've had enough of your games young man-
Philip: I was never gonna be the man that you wanted me to be! I would never make you happy. I wasn't going to be the son or the heir that you wanted because Philip Chancellor III couldn't possibly be gay!
Katherine looked shocked, but it was the look on Jill's face that was truly priceless, as was the inflection she used when she responded with the single word "Gay?"
Philip explained that his sexuality was a big part of the reason that he'd left and then sarcastically asked if he was magically forgiven now that they knew he was gay.
Jill: I just don't understand how this could be. I mean, how could you have hidden this from us? Why would you want to?
Philip: It was the late 80's and I was young. I was trapped in who I was supposed to be, who I was pretending to be...
Philip: It was the late 80's and I was young. I was trapped in who I was supposed to be, who I was pretending to be...
Katherine pointed out that he'd had a child with Nina and Philip explained that they'd had sex on a night in which he was drunk enough to believe that he could be who he was expected to be. Katherine realized that his drinking had been to cover up all his deceit and Jill quickly corrected her, saying it was confusion, not deceit.
Philip: I wasn't confused about being gay. I knew who I was. And I knew that I had to hide it, being a Chancellor.
Katherine: For Heaven's sake, we're not bumpkins Philip! I mean, you could have trusted us!
Philip: You want to believe that you would have been fine with it, I know you do. But you wouldn't have been. It was a different time. Genoa City is conservative. No, no, you would not have been okay with it. If I'd stayed here, it wouldn't have worked.
Katherine: For Heaven's sake, we're not bumpkins Philip! I mean, you could have trusted us!
Philip: You want to believe that you would have been fine with it, I know you do. But you wouldn't have been. It was a different time. Genoa City is conservative. No, no, you would not have been okay with it. If I'd stayed here, it wouldn't have worked.
At that point, Nina brought up Christine, the woman that Philip had supposedly been in love with when Nina trapped him into marriage. Philip explained that loving Christine had been his last attempt to prove that he could be who he was expected to be, but there had come a point when he couldn't ignore that he wanted to be with a man.
Jill: Honey, did you have... was there ever anyone in your life?
Philip: A lover? No. No one. Every day I ached with loneliness. I couldn't have survived it. As long as I stayed here, I had no life.
Katherine asked why Philip hadn't just moved away. Interestingly, that question was left unanswered as the topic shifted to why Philip had sent Cane in his place all these years later. Moving away, of course, is the option that many LGBT people in Philip's situation end up taking and I would have been interested to hear them explain why Philip didn't just do that himself. The real reason, of course, is that this is a soap and when he left twenty years ago, the character was meant to actually be dead! Still, I'd have liked to see what reason Philip had for not just heading to New York or San Francisco or, with his money, any city in the world!
Philip: A lover? No. No one. Every day I ached with loneliness. I couldn't have survived it. As long as I stayed here, I had no life.
Katherine asked why Philip hadn't just moved away. Interestingly, that question was left unanswered as the topic shifted to why Philip had sent Cane in his place all these years later. Moving away, of course, is the option that many LGBT people in Philip's situation end up taking and I would have been interested to hear them explain why Philip didn't just do that himself. The real reason, of course, is that this is a soap and when he left twenty years ago, the character was meant to actually be dead! Still, I'd have liked to see what reason Philip had for not just heading to New York or San Francisco or, with his money, any city in the world!
Jill: Katherine is right. You were punishing us, and not for anything we did. You just assumed we would reject you.
Philip: Some things never change! You know, I'm telling you how I felt and you're telling me that this is wrong. It's all about you!... I didn't leave because I wanted to leave, I left because I was forced to leave, because I couldn't be what you guys wanted. I knew that I didn't fit in here. I wasn't the son, I wasn't the father, I wasn't the husband that you guys wanted. I was just too unsure, I was no good to this family.
Katherine: You shut us out, not the other way around.
Jill: You didn't even give us a chance!
Katherine: Now come on, be honest. Why can't you be honest? If you'd have told us, you could have helped us learn to accept who you were. You could have! You took the coward's way out young man, that's what you did.
Jill: You didn't even give us a chance!
Katherine: Now come on, be honest. Why can't you be honest? If you'd have told us, you could have helped us learn to accept who you were. You could have! You took the coward's way out young man, that's what you did.
That really gets to the heart of the matter. So many young LGBT people face this decision (minus the faking of their deaths, of course!). What Philip has described is a situation that many closeted people over the years have faced and are still facing today. Being caught between the expectations of your family and community and wanting to be the person you really are, the one who is so different from what's expected.
Many LGBT people choose a Philip like option, of starting over somewhere else, somewhere more accepting. Others stay trapped in a life that isn't really what they want. More and more these days, though, the third option is coming out to your family and changing their expectations, as Katherine pointed out that Philip himself could have done.
That's far easier said than done in many cases, of course. I really hope this story is making some of the show's viewers think about their own expectations towards their children and how their assumptions may be causing them pain.
As far as Philip goes, it's hard to feel the sympathy for him that we're supposed to feel, mostly because what he did was so extreme, but also because he's not coming across as genuinely feeling all that sorry about it. True, his sarcasm about the truth making him magically forgiven shows us that he probably does know how wrong he was, but actions speak louder than words and nothing I'm seeing is making it seem like he's all that sorry. He's still blaming his family for forcing him to fake his death.
It would be a lot easier if we could get a better sense of just how tortured he was back then, and how haunted he's been ever since by what he did to his family. I'm hoping we're heading for a scene when Philip realizes that he should have at least given his family a chance. I wish he'd come back feeling that way, after twenty years to think it over, because right now he's coming across more like a selfish jerk than anything else.
Still, this is a very interesting story so far and there should be a lot of good stuff to come, what with Philip still having a son to come out to at some point.
Many LGBT people choose a Philip like option, of starting over somewhere else, somewhere more accepting. Others stay trapped in a life that isn't really what they want. More and more these days, though, the third option is coming out to your family and changing their expectations, as Katherine pointed out that Philip himself could have done.
That's far easier said than done in many cases, of course. I really hope this story is making some of the show's viewers think about their own expectations towards their children and how their assumptions may be causing them pain.
As far as Philip goes, it's hard to feel the sympathy for him that we're supposed to feel, mostly because what he did was so extreme, but also because he's not coming across as genuinely feeling all that sorry about it. True, his sarcasm about the truth making him magically forgiven shows us that he probably does know how wrong he was, but actions speak louder than words and nothing I'm seeing is making it seem like he's all that sorry. He's still blaming his family for forcing him to fake his death.
It would be a lot easier if we could get a better sense of just how tortured he was back then, and how haunted he's been ever since by what he did to his family. I'm hoping we're heading for a scene when Philip realizes that he should have at least given his family a chance. I wish he'd come back feeling that way, after twenty years to think it over, because right now he's coming across more like a selfish jerk than anything else.
Still, this is a very interesting story so far and there should be a lot of good stuff to come, what with Philip still having a son to come out to at some point.
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