Kish: Out (though not yet proud)

I'm so glad that I'm caught up with One Life to Live again and can watch Kish scenes in real time! On today's show, Oliver Fish completely broke my heart. In recent weeks, we've seen the desperation, the fear, the denial, and the guilt over lying to Layla. We've even had a glimpse of his buried longing for Kyle. Today, we saw finally saw all the pain underneath the rest of it.

The show picked up right where Friday's episode left off, with Fish telling Layla and Cristian that he was gay. It was the first time in his life that Fish had ever said those words out loud, and though it was a breakthrough, it didn't mean that he'd just accepted himself and was ready to move on.

As Oliver explained to his roommates, he hates the fact that he's gay, but he hates the lying and what it's doing to people even more. Fish apologized to his friends for lying to them and Layla said that she knew this was hard for him. What had happened, she wondered, to get him to finally say the words?

Fish, leaving out the key detail of sleeping with a certain woman, explained that he'd gotten wasted the night before and when he woke up... well, he just had to stop this, to fix it, to come out (and he should probably get checked for STDs since he did unspeakable things with Stacy Morasco, without protection!).

Layla asked why he'd been so scared, telling him that there was nothing wrong with being gay and pointing out that even at work it wouldn't be that big of a deal, that Commissioner Buchanan and John McBain weren't going to care that he was gay.

Oliver brought up the rest of the guys at the station and Layla admitted that there were a few jerks there. Cristian pointed out that times were different but Fish said that he worked in a police station, which isn't exactly a center for political correctness. Layla told him that his job was safe, that they couldn't let him go over his sexuality.

Fish explained that it wasn't his job security he was worried about, it was what people were going to think when they looked at him. He doesn't want anyone to know, not even Cris and Layla.

His roomies assured him that they didn't think any less of him now that they knew the truth and that's when Fish mentioned his parents.

Layla: I spoke to them on the phone. They seemed nice.

Fish: Yeah, they are. They build houses for poor people and they volunteer at the soup kitchen. My dad's gotten all kinds of commendations for bravery on the job.

Cristian: Yeah, you said he was the reason you wanted to become a cop.

Fish: Yeah, he is. But he has a very definite idea of what it means to be a man.

Layla: Oh yeah?

Cristian: Like what?

Fish: Like a man doesn't cry. Ever. Even if he's five and he falls off his bike. Or if he misses a fly ball and loses the game. Crying is for women and for fags.

Layla: Wow.

Cristian: Yeah, no wonder you never said anything before.

Layla: How did you deal? I mean, growing up, once you figured out you were gay?

Fish: I didn't. I acted as if. You know the saying, act as if you have something or are something and you will be. So I acted. You know, I asked the shy girl in my Latin class to homecoming. And she wasn't very pretty, so nobody else would ask her out, and she never expected anything from me, so I passed. And then I went to college and it was a thousand miles from home and I joined a frat because that was the good straight thing to do, the frat. And that's where I met Kyle. He was just like me and for the first time in my life I looked at someone and I just felt welcome. He saw me and it was amazing. Until it wasn't.

Scott Evans was so incredible in this particular scene. Listening to Fish talk about what he'd been through (still an all too familiar story for many LGBT people), I was struck once again by the writing and how well this story is being told, but that was a secondary reaction to the scene after my more immediate emotional reaction. Watching Fish begin to tear up as he talked about all of this, my own eyes were far from dry.

Scott Evans should submit this scene for the Daytime Emmys next year, not that they've been big on giving the awards to people who play gay male characters thus far. Still, I think this scene alone would merit a nomination. Tika Sumpter, meanwhile, would be crazy if she didn't submit her confrontation scenes with Fish from last Thursday. She was truly amazing and while I liked her well enough before, I'm a fan now.

Anyway, so my heart broke for Fish today. He's always been such a lovable character, so to see that he's been carrying all of this around with him his whole life has an impact. It may even be opening some eyes among viewers who haven't ever given a thought to what their presumption of heterosexuality may be doing to someone in their own lives.

Fish has got such a long way to go still, and I'm actually very glad about that. Most of the time, a character will come out, be more or less accepted after a time, and that's that. Fish, though, is going to have to really work on becoming okay with his sexuality. Saying the words was huge, but he's still so full of self hatred and the ideas impressed upon him by his father about what a man has to be. I'm really looking forward to watching this whole story unfold and seeing what Scott Evans does with it.

As the World Turns wasted a simliar chance this past year with the character of Brian Wheatley. He departed the show in the same episode in which he finally came out, so we missed the actual story that should have followed. But, One Life to Live will tell it a hell of a lot better with Fish than the writers at ATWT would have, I'm sure.

Back to today's show. Fish gave Layla and Cristian his key to the apartment and told them that he'd keep paying rent until they found a new roommate. His friends told him that they didn't need a new roommate, but Fish said that after what he'd done, they must hate him. Layla said she was hurt, but she'd get over it, and he's been a good roommate. The three shared a laugh and it was a nice, light moment that was a perfect follow up to the heavier scene that preceded it, with Oliver obviously feeling relieved and very moved that Cris and Layla still wanted him around.

This was interrupted, though, by a phone call from Fish's father. When a shaken Fish hung up the phone, he told Layla and Cris that his parents were on their way to Llanview- to meet his girlfriend.

That's where today's show ended. I don't think Fish is at all ready yet to come out to his parents, so my guess is that we're in for a story where Layla pretends that they're still together, until the truth somehow comes out.

I still haven't caught up on the rest of the soaps yet, but I'm hoping to do so over the next few days.

Thoughts on the Daytime Emmys

Tonight, the Daytime Emmy Awards finally aired, months after the nominees were announced and way past their usual air date. This year, none of the networks wanted to air the show, which hasn't exactly been a ratings winner in recent times.

In the end, The CW decided to take a chance on the show, even though they don't actually have a daytime lineup of their own. I'm sure there's some irony in there somewhere.

I loved Vanessa William's opening number (and I love Vanessa Williams, period!), a daytime version of Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, sung while she was inserted into scenes with those she was singing about. I did feel sorry for her, though, given the particular guys they had her singing about. I mean, with all the hunks of daytime, she gets Ron Moss and Pat Sajack? Yikes!

The best part was that amidst singing about all these men and how they should leave their women for her, she threw in Guiding Light's lesbian couple, Otalia, singing to the Natalia half of the pair. They even showed the clip of the first Otalia kiss during this portion of the song, with Vanessa superimposed over Olivia for part of it as she sang "Take me, I've got more moves, I know that Ellen approves."

The very first award was Outstanding Supporting Actor, the one in which Van Hansis was nominated. I was already holding my breath, and then they made it even more intense by announcing that there had been a tie! Van wasn't the first winner, so I held out hope during Vincent Irizarry's acceptance speech. Then, the second winner was announced: Jeff Branson.

Damn it! For the third year in a row, Van is denied an Emmy which should have been his. Now, granted, the very first year he was nominated was the year he most deserved it (he had better writing then, during the coming out story), but overall, it is a travesty that this incredibly talented actor keeps getting nominated and going home empty handed. Even when they give it to two people in one night, they overlook him!

I know the fact that the writing on As the World Turns is pure crap right now doesn't help his cause any, of course. Still, I've always thought that it truly highlights how talented he is that he's able to be so good with such lousy material.

Anyway, the next highlight of the show was Van and Jake Silbermann presenting an award together. When Vanessa Williams introduced them, she noted that their portrayal of daytime's first gay couple had made them one of the most popular duos in the history of soaps. Very nice to hear that acknowledged on air!

Van and Jake looked fantastic, not surprisingly. Van seemed to be going for a bit of a 70's look and his hair is a bit longer once again. Jake's look never seems to change, but then why mess with what's already working so well?

They ended up presenting the award for Supporting Actress to the first winner for Days of Our Lives in the acting category in quite a long time: the very talented Tamara Braun, who was briefly on Days last year before going on to play Bianca's lover Reese on All My Children, was the winner. Days was pretty stupid to let her go, I have to say.

The show won a second acting award a few minutes later, though, and again for a former cast member: Darin Brooks, who played Max for the past four years before departing a few months ago. He had the most memorable speech, too, dropping a few inadvertent swear words that had to be bleeped out before turning and walking away. He was clearly nervous, so it was pretty endearing. Days never seemed to know what they were doing with Max, but I always liked Darin well enough. I'm still sort of surprised by his win, though.

One Life to Live won the Emmy for Best Directing, which was something at least. Honestly, OLTL should have been cleaning up the awards in every category tonight. It has been the best show on the air for the better part of the past two years.

Vanessa Williams got to do another hot song and dance number mid show, which was nice. Not being on a major network this year, the show seemed more fun somehow. Maybe it's just me? Or just the fact that I fast forwarded through a lot of the non soap stuff?

It was not fun, however, to see General Hospital win Best Writing over One Life to Live. What they hell were they smoking?! Absolutely ridiculous. Even die hard GH fans have been complaining how bad the show is at the moment! These awards really seem like a joke when things like this happen. You realize how much it's about industry politics and how little it's about real talent.

Betty White, whom I completely adore, showed up (she's had a recurring role on The Bold and the Beautiful these past few years if you didn't know) to pay tribute to Guiding Light, which is going off the air after 72 years. It's always great to see Betty, she's so funny. The tribute to GL was nice, too. I was never a big fan, but it's so incredibly sad to see a legend leaving the air after so long.

A final enjoyable moment came when Susan Haskell won Best Lead Actress for playing Marty Saybrooke on One Life to Live. Truly, truly deserved. There are so many talented people in daytime, more than most non-fans would believe, and she's definitely one of them.

The award for Outstanding Show wasn't even one I cared about tonight, simply because the best of all the current shows- One Life to Live- wasn't even nominated! Makes a lot of sense, huh? So, the fact that The Bold and the Beautiful won didn't have the sting it would have had it if had been up against the better show.

Well, overall, it was another bad year at the Daytime Emmys for most of those who truly deserve recognition. When and if As the World Turns is driven into the ground by Passanante and Goutman, I hope Van considers taking a role on One Life to Live. With All My Children moving to L.A. and Guiding Light off the air, it will be the only other soap still filming on the East Coast, so he could still work in theater and I know they'd create a character he could really sink his teeth into.

The Week in Kish

Last week was another busy one for Fish and Kyle on One Life to Live. It all started on Tuesday's episode, when Kyle and the guy he went out with last week, Nick, ran into each other at the gym. Kyle was about to go for a run and Nick was waiting for his crunch class to start, but the two of them agreed to hang out afterward. Kyle thanked Nick for being okay with taking things slowly and Nick pointed out that with the number that Kyle's ex did on him, it's understandable that he needs time.

After Kyle went for his run, Layla showed up for the same crunch class Nick was in and the two quickly struck up a friendly conversation. Both have a habit, it seems, of choosing Mr. Wrong but they were both hopeful about the guys they're currently seeing. Nick told Layla about the closet case that his new guy dated in college and how he's seeing a woman now and insists he's straight.

When Nick mentioned that he was seeing Kyle Lewis, the pieces began to fall into place for Layla and confirmation came when Nick told her that the ex, a cop, had even tried to warn him off of seeing Kyle. After hearing all of this, Layla told Nick that she wasn't feeling well and practically ran out of the gym. You've got to love the soap world, where even a conversation with a random stranger you've just met is sure to stir up drama!

At the police station, Fish took a moment away from his work to try and talk to John McBain about his relationship with Layla, bringing it up under the guise of worrying that it might be a problem since they work together at the station. He then tried to solicit some advice from John about whether or not it was wise to get involved with someone when you know they could end up getting hurt.

John asked if Fish was lying to Layla about something, but before the conversation could go much further, actual police work intruded.

Not surprisingly, Layla went straight to Cristian from the gym and told him about her conversation with the stranger, her new suspicion that Fish was involved with Kyle and her not so new conclusion that he may be gay. Layla quickly picked up on the fact that none of this was coming as a surprise to Cris and she asked if he knew something she didn't.

That's where we picked up on Wednesday's episode, with Cristian still trying to stay out of the situation as Layla went over it all again, wondering if Kyle's ex could be some other cop at the LPD. When Cristian still wasn't forthcoming about what he knew, Layla asked him, as a friend, to please just tell her. Cris finally admitted that Fish & Kyle didn't just have a relationship in the past- he'd seen them kissing just the other day.

Layla asked if Cristian was sure, if the two guys could have just been 'horsing around' (I'm sure all straight guys frequently mess around in ways that could be accidentally construed as man on man kissing, right?) and Cristian said he was sure, that they'd been 'in to it.'

A hurt Layla briefly turned her anger on Cristian for not telling her that he'd caught her boyfriend kissing another man. Cris explained that he hadn't been completely certain that Fish was lying about not being gay but apologized for not saying anything, adding that she'd seemed really happy and he hadn't wanted to get in the way of that.

Layla decided it was time to go and confront Fish about all of this, but Cristian advised her to at least wait until Fish was off duty, rather than doing it in front of their co-workers. Layla relented and called Fish to ask him to meet her at their apartment.

That set the stage for Thursday's confrontation between the two of them. Fish returned home with a bottle of wine, apparently expecting a romantic evening, but Layla brought his plans to a crashing halt by demanding the truth about him and Kyle Lewis.

Oliver tried to dance around the issue once again, saying that they'd been over this before: he and Kyle had been friends and frat brothers. Layla impatiently got more specific: had he slept with Kyle, yes or no? Pushed into a corner, Fish admitted he'd slept with Kyle, but tried to explain it away with the usual excuses: it had been a confusing time, they were drunk, they were playing truth or dare! Seriously, he said that.

Layla let Oliver have it for lying to her when she'd asked him if he was gay, but Fish insisted that he's not that person, that he'd just been experimenting as a kid but he'd grown up. Layla countered that by asking if that hadn't been him in the alley, then, kissing Kyle Lewis?

Fish realized she'd been talking to Cristian and told her that he'd been trying to break the two of them up since day one because he has a thing for her. Layla demanded that Fish tell her the truth and he again tried to explain things away by saying that he'd been with Kyle once in college (we've already heard, in their conversation at the gym last week, that it was more than once) and that Kyle had wanted to start things up again, but Fish hadn't because he was happy with Layla.

Layla: I know this isn't easy, Oliver, and I'm working really hard to have some compassion for you. This isn't what I wanted.

Fish: It's not what I wanted either! I want you.

Layla: Stop it! Just stop it! I know you are probably scared right now, and that a part of you cared about me and it felt safe. But I don't want safe, okay, I want real! So do us both a favor right here and right now. Do the right thing.

Fish: I love you.

Layla: Then trust me and tell us both the truth. Say the words. You're gay!

Fish: No, I'm not going to say it because it's not true. I'm not gay.

Layla: Have you ever given one thought to what it would do to me when I found out that I'd been lied to like this?

Fish: I'm with you and only you.

Layla: For how long?

Fish: What do you mean?

Layla: You told me you wanted a future with me.

Fish: I do!

Layla: When you're already letting yourself get backed up against an alley wall? You think that's what I want, the little bit you've got left?

......

Fish: I can be what you want, I just need-

Layla: To change who you are?

Fish: No, you like who I am, you said it yourself. That I'm the kind of guy you want, the kind of guy you can talk to. Someone who's kind and appreciates you and wants the kind of life that you want.

Layla: Why do you think this hurts so much, Oliver? Why? This isn't just about you and your problems, I wanted you to be the one!

Fish: I wanted you, too! Layla, we made love-

Layla: It's not supposed to feel like a test, Oliver, and I can't let you use me.

Fish: I love you. I told the guys, I told my parents. Layla, I need you. You're the kind of woman that I've always wanted. You're smart and sensitive and stylish and you're great, I love hanging out with you.

Layla: It's not enough.

Fish: Yeah, but it is for me. And I can be what you need, I promise. Just don't leave me. You don't know what it's like. I can't be gay.

Layla asked if Fish expected her to feel sorry for him because he was a gay homophobe and Fish denied being either homophobic or gay and went on about wanting to be a cop and to get married and have a family. Layla informed him that gay people have jobs, families, and can even get married in some states. She also informed Fish that he was coming in loud and clear: he hates himself.

Fish: ...I'm a work in progress, okay, but I'll do whatever it takes. I'll go to therapy, I'll go back to church.

Layla: I'm not asking you to change who you are, Oliver, and if you're not ready to accept yourself then there's nothing I can do about that. But you're lying to yourself and me. And I deserve better than that.

Layla asked Fish to leave and before doing so he tearfully told her that he was sorry and had never meant to hurt her.

I was so impressed by both Scott Evans and Tika Sumpter's work in these scenes! They both brought their A game to some strong material and it made for some really great soap opera. Tika Sumpter played the scenes just right, with Layla at first struggling to control her anger and then slowly breaking down as the argument progressed and beginning to cry. It was all completely natural and really made me see Layla in a whole new light.

Scott Evans was spot on as well, giving Fish that perfect edge of desperation as he struggled to maintain his grip on the closet door. It was all too easy to feel a mixture of pity for Fish and the self loathing we've discovered in him and frustration that he just couldn't let go of this attempt to prove that he's something he's not, even in the face of all the pain he's caused Layla. When he finally began to cry as well, though, you just wanted to hug him... and then give him a good hard shake to put some sense into him!

Very strong scenes overall. I'm loving this entire story so much. I knew that if OLTL told a gay story now, with a writer as good as Ron Carlivati at the helm, it would be the best daytime had ever seen. So far, they're proving me right!

I did lose the last five minutes of the show on Thursday for coverage of Ted Kennedy's body arriving at the JFK library, so if there was a final scene with Fish or Layla after he left the apartment, I didn't get to see it.

On Friday's episode, however, Fish woke up in Stacy Morasco's bed wearing next to nothing. Observe, courtesy of Superherofan:

Oliver, nursing a hangover, was completely confused about what had happened the night before, though Stacy's annoying friend helpfully supplied the news that he'd cheated on his girlfriend.

Oh, man, if Fish got Stacy pregnant, it means he'll be tied to her story for months! The one character/story that I can't stand shouldn't be allowed to intersect with Kish on a regular basis!

Fish soon began remembering the night before, piece by piece: first, knocking back shots at Rodi's, followed by a confrontation with Kyle about having told Nick to stay away from him. As Stacy eavesdropped, Fish lied to Kyle, saying that he'd just been getting even with Kyle for messing with his life. He also told Kyle that his relationship with Layla was over. Kyle asked if Fish had come out, and Oliver once again insisted that he wasn't gay.

Kyle told Oliver that he could finally be honest now and asked if he'd ever even been attracted to Layla. When Fish didn't have an answer, Kyle said that he knew he was hurt and confused and suggested that they go somewhere where they could talk. Fish suggested Kyle go be with someone who wasn't confused and asked him to leave him alone.

When Kyle left, Stacy made her move, clearly recognizing a confused target who'd be eager to sleep with her to prove to himself that he wasn't gay. Back at her place, Stacy put the moves on Fish, who was by that time quite drunk. She quickly maneuvered him into bed to do 'what a man and a woman are supposed to do'. When he remembered this the next morning, his immediate reaction was to feel sick.

After he ran for the bathroom, Stacy explained to her partner in crime that she couldn't be sure she'd gotten pregnant from the one time with Fish, so she had to keep him around just in case. When Fish came back from getting sick (a common reaction, one would think, from being around Stacy Morasco) he told Stacy that what had happened was not okay, that he'd used her and he had to stop doing this to people- and to himself.

Sounds like progress! Sadly, it's just in time for him to have knocked up Stacy first, though, which would suck.

Meanwhile, Layla and Cristian discussed the whole mess from the perspective of the morning after. Layla explained that her 'superpower' back in college was her finely tuned gaydar, that she'd never been wrong. Why hadn't she trusted her instincts about Fish?

Layla explained to Cris that Fish is so in denial that he actually thinks he can be straight. Cris was confused (a perpetual state for him) and Layla told him he can't understand what it's like to worry that your whole life will come crashing down if people find out the truth.

Layla blamed herself for not facing what she sensed earlier, but Cristian told her it wasn't her fault, that there was nothing wrong with her. Layla pointed out that there was nothing wrong with Fish, either, and if he could just have faced the truth about himself it would have saved them both from being miserable.

As Layla was contemplating calling in sick to work to avoid seeing Fish, he returned to the apartment with something to say to both Cristian and Layla: He's gay. Yes! He's finally said the words.

That's where the week ended. Four days of great story for Kish, and for Fish and Layla in particular. I can't wait to see what happens next!

I will have to wait to catch up on Nuke and any Y&R action, though, since I had so much wonderful Kish to catch up on tonight.

Let's leave things on a hot note, with a look at Oliver shortly before he finally accepted the truth about himself:

Rest In Peace, Senator Kennedy

I haven't had a chance until now, but I wanted to mention the passing of Senator Edward Kennedy. His death this week garnered a lot of attention, largely because he was the last of the Kennedy brothers. Leave aside the Camelot mystique and the turbulent personal life, though, and you'll find that the Senator was someone who spent nearly fifty years in the Senate as a true champion for progressive causes.

He was a strong voice for human rights, for civil rights, and he spent his whole career fighting for health care reform, to name but a few of the causes for which he stood. He was also a leader on LGBT rights issues, being one of the forces behind the Matthew Shepard Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which has not yet been passed into law but which stands a good chance in the near future, thanks largely to Kennedy.

The Senator also strongly opposed the passage of the Defense of Marriage Act and he pushed to have the Employment Non-Discrimination Act include rights for Transgendered workers.

Kevin Robert Frost of amfAR wrote that Kennedy was an unrivaled ally in the Senate in the fight against AIDS:

"What was clear to me in that meeting was how much he genuinely cared about fighting -- and winning -- our battle against the AIDS epidemic. When Senator Kennedy took over the leadership of the Senate Committee on Health in 1987 and made AIDS the committee's top priority at a time when there was still so much stigma surrounding the disease, he took a political risk that few politicians would have been willing to take. And when he pushed for the Ryan White CARE Act in 1990, he did so not only because he believed in what he was doing, but because he had come to personally know Ryan White."

All of these things I've mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what Edward Kennedy did for this country. He will be missed greatly for reasons that go far beyond being the last in his generation of a larger than life political dynasty.

Well, I'm once again behind on the soaps. It's just been a very busy few days for me, but I plan to catch up on Kish and the rest over the weekend and write about their goings on sometime on Sunday evening.

Ed Westwick's Hollywood Screen Kiss

I think I've made it pretty clear in the past that I think Ed Westwick is incredibly sexy (especially when he's utilizing his real life British accent!) and that I'd be tuned in to Gossip Girl on a weekly basis if the show was even remotely watchable.

I've never read the books which are the source material, but when the show was first coming out I heard all about how some of the main male characters were gay or bi in the books, so I thought I'd give the show a chance. It certainly brought the pretty in the form of Chace Crawford and I instantly fell for Ed, but the show just seemed completely devoid of personality to me. It was like paint by numbers, teen drama style.

So, I gave it up, figuring that it was a combination of the show not being that interesting and me finally being past the stage of watching teen dramas. We all have to get there eventually, right?

While I'm still waiting impatiently to see Ed in something else, I've been completely content with the decision not to watch Gossip Girl... until today, that is, when I read that Ed's character, Chuck Bass, will be kissing another guy this coming season. Now, even though the scenario sounds ridiculous and like a one time thing that won't be explored further (though Chuck is apparently written as a bisexual character in the books), how can I not tune in to see Ed Westwick kissing another man?

The lucky guy, by the way, is one Neal Bledsoe, an actor who has had small roles on both Guiding Light and As the World Turns in the last few years.

So, for at least one episode this coming TV season, I'll be watching Gossip Girl. Or, more likely than not, recording it and fast forwarding through everything but Chuck's scenes. What can I say? Give me a little guy on guy action and I'll give you a second chance to win me over!

In all seriousness, though, I think this is actually an interesting step forward. Chuck Bass is written (on the show, at least) as a straight leading character on a teen drama and he's going to be kissing another man. It wasn't all that long ago that shows were shying away from letting their openly gay characters kiss on screen (and some still are), and now we've come to the point where it's okay to show an otherwise straight male character experimenting with a gay character.

That's pretty impressive, even if it is Gossip Girl and a one time ratings stunt. Most shows seem to shy away from bisexuality altogether, so it would be even more interesting if they decided to have Ed's character come out as bi, though I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for that. The show already has one gay character who, from what I've read, is barely ever given anything to do.

I have to wonder if Bledsoe's role is the one that Van Hansis tried out for on Gossip Girl. If it is, and I missed my chance to see Van and Ed making out with each other, I think I might cry!

Nuke Day: The Talented Mr. Mayer?

Today was another Nuke day on As the World Turns and it started with Luke telling his Grandmother Lucinda about how badly Lily was taking the news of Holden's 'death'. Luke explained that Lily wouldn't get out of bed and that he'd spent the last hour trying to get her to talk or eat something.

Lucinda took over and told Luke to get out of the house for awhile, to get some fresh air and take some time for himself.

Over at Java, Mason arrived with some of the most unbelievable news that this show has ever tried to get us to swallow: Jude Law loves Noah's script! This news was accompanied by a bad pun on Law's last name that made me feel terribly sorry for Forbes March. To go from the current level of writing on One Life to Live to this... ouch!

Yes, so film star Jude Law was given a copy of a script written by a nobody film student from Oakdale, Illinois and he was so impressed that he wants a meeting. Having seen a few of the scenes from Noah's last film project, the documentary about his dad, I think Jude Law must have been under the influence of some pretty heavy drugs when he read that script!

I mean, I know that remake of Sleuth was God awful, but I didn't think Jude had fallen quite this far! Even if it's somehow a great script, it's still a student film, not a potential blockbuster.

One wonders how on Earth the writers decided on Jude Law to begin with. Did they put the names of a few different actors in a hat and draw one out? Or maybe Jean Passanante has a Jude Law poster on the wall of her office? This thing is obviously not going to end with a cameo by Jude himself, so why him? He's gorgeous and talented, sure, but he's not exactly the It guy of the moment, you know?

Anyway, Noah was completely blown away by the news but then Mason told him that the meeting was the very next day in L.A.. Noah explained about Holden's 'death' and said that he couldn't leave Luke at a time like this. Mason understood that Noah needed to stand by Luke, but he suggested that Noah tell Luke what was going on, that he should let his life partner know about this major thing that could change his life.

Noah said that he couldn't dump the decision of whether or not he should go on Luke at a time like this. That's about the time that Luke himself showed up at Java and, after Mason expressed his sympathies for Luke's loss, the Professor pointedly mentioned that Noah should tell Luke his news.

After Mason left and Luke had talked about the Lily situation a bit, he asked Noah what Mason had been talking about. Noah insisted it was nothing but Luke wouldn't let it go that easily. Noah finally told Luke that Jude Law had apparently fallen on some very hard times.

Luke wanted Noah to go meet with Jude, of course, and pointed out that the whole Snyder clan was gathering, so he'd have his family around him while Noah was gone. Noah was hurt and said that he thought he was part of Luke's family, and Luke soothed his feelings, saying that Noah was the most important person in his world and that's why he couldn't let him pass up this chance.

So, Noah is off to Hollywood to meet with Jude Law. No doubt Jude will soon be starring in Noah's student film and hanging out at Java. Sadly, since he's a straight male who isn't a Snyder, this means he'll also be sleeping with Meg by next week. Poor Jude.

The episode ended with a very much alive Holden tossing and turning in some random bed somewhere, unconscious. Did that surprise even one person? Don't worry, I'm sure when he wakes up he'll discover that he's at Matt Damon's place. He can pass on one of Luke's scripts and before you know it, Luke and Noah will be nominated against each other for Best Original Screenplay Oscars. Oh, the drama!

Nuke Catch Up

Well, as it turned out, there wasn't a great deal of Nuke action over the past two weeks on As the World Turns. The guys only had one episode together, though Luke was on without Noah a few times. Mason, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen at all.

Let's get right to it. Luke went to see Holden to ask him if it was okay if he went along on the horse buying trip to Kentucky after all, since the business trip with Damian had fallen through. Not surprisingly, Holden was very happy with this turn of events and was more than pleased to have Luke come along.

At the same time, Lily was sharing an illicit make out session with Damian and unbeknownst to either of them her daughter Faith saw the kiss. Oh, I'd so love it if this was Faith's Sami Brady moment! (If you don't know, Sami Brady is a character on Days of Our Lives who, at age 15, saw her mother having sex on a conference table with a man who was not her father. The immediate result was bulimia as she kept the secret, but the long term result was years of scheming and plotting which made her the most interesting character on the show.)

A guilt stricken Lily decided to recommit to her family by suggesting that they all go along on the trip to Kentucky and make it a family holiday (minus youngest daughter Natalie, who's away at camp, which is where soap kids are kept in the summer after a long winter of being 'upstairs' or 'at a sleepover'). Holden and Luke were pleased with the idea, but Faith was in the middle of a mini breakdown over seeing the kiss, so Lily decided that the guys should go on ahead and she, Faith, and little Ethan would meet them the next day, after their business was done and she'd figured out what was wrong with Faith.

Luke tried to talk to his sister, since they're usually pretty close, but she just spouted some stuff about Lily being a hypocrite and then ran off. Luke decided that he'd better stay behind and help Lily deal with Faith, leaving Holden to handle business in Kentucky alone before they all met up for the vacation.

Once in Kentucky, Holden picked up a guy dressed as a cop (in a good Samaritan sort of a way, not in a closet case on a business trip way!) and was soon driving along at gunpoint, since soap characters never pick up strangers alongside the road without dire consequences.

Holden's truck went over the side of a cliff with Holden and his captor both inside and naturally it exploded on impact. The footage they used looked like it was something left over from the 1970's, by the way. I know they're on a budget, but it was pretty laughable.

Luke was with Lily getting ready for the vacation when they got the call from the Kentucky day player police officers that Holden's truck had been in an accident. The two of them hopped on Lucinda's jet and got to Kentucky in three seconds flat. Seriously, they were there so fast that the wreckage was still too hot for the police to investigate and all they'd managed to get was the licence plate, which had fallen off halfway down the cliff.

Lily wanted to jump off the cliff or something in an effort to save Holden just in case he was lying somewhere in need of help, but Luke and Damian (who'd arrived in Kentucky in less than five minutes after Luke called him) held her back until the police were finally able to find Holden's watch near the wreckage and confirm their worst fears.

Of course, there's only one badly burned corpse to be found and we all know that it's not really Holden. The only question is how long he'll be 'dead' before he's found alive and if Damian and Lily will just be doing it at that point, or have actually married each other.

The one Nuke episode we did have was a pretty strong one for Van Hansis. He was very good struggling to hold in his grief and fear right after Lily got the call about Holden and again while he was calling Damian to tell him the news, and then when he was at the cliff with Lily he seemed more numb than anything else, which I think was a very natural response, especially since Lily was already sobbing and you can't have two people in the scene falling apart at once.

But the scenes with Noah were so good that they were almost hard to watch, since Van made Luke's grief seem all too real. I've been wracking my brain, trying to remember if we've seen Van grieve onscreen before this, and I really don't think we have. It probably sounds silly, but he cries very well. Some actors seem to have a problem connecting with those emotions and crying on camera, but Van isn't one of them.

After getting back from Kentucky, Luke went straight to Java to see Noah. He got his boyfriend's attention from outside, as if he couldn't face going in and being around a bunch of people, which I thought was a nice touch.

Noah was surprised to see Luke since he was supposed to be in Kentucky, but one look at Luke's face, with his eyes welling with tears, told him that something was wrong. Luke told Noah what had happened to Holden and that it was all Luke's fault.

The police thought that Holden must have fallen asleep at the wheel and Luke explained to Noah that if he'd just gone to Kentucky like they'd planned, he could have shared the driving with Holden and kept him company and this never would have happened.

Noah told him that it wasn't his fault and that for all they know, Luke might be dead too if he'd been there. Luke then began to do what every grieving person does: worry that the person they lost didn't know how much they loved him. In Luke's case, he focused on the past few months when he'd chosen to get closer to Damian, feeling guilty for trying to cancel the Kentucky trip to go to New York, and piling more guilt on top of that for going to work at Grimaldi Shipping instead of WorldWide. He worried that Holden must have felt like he was choosing Damian over him.

Noah told him that Holden wouldn't have thought that for a second, that family is what counts, not biology, and Holden knew that he was Luke's family.

Luke reverted to blaming himself for not being in Kentucky when the accident happened and then said that he had to go be with his family. Noah said that he'd come along, but Luke stopped him, saying that right now seeing Noah reminds him of how he should have listened to Noah and never cancelled the Kentucky trip to begin with.

We're not going that route again, are we? We've already seen one "My dad is 'dead' and seeing you just reminds me of how it didn't have to happen!" story with these same two characters!

Luke went home and cried on Damian's shoulder before Noah showed up, saying that that he'd thought about what Luke said about it being hard to see him, but he'd decided that Luke needed him, and that he himself needed to be with Luke.

Damian left them alone as Noah reminded Luke that when Colonel Mayer 'died', Luke had just been there and held him and he was going to do the same for him now. It was really a very moving moment between the two of them.

That, in a nutshell, was all that happened with Nuke over the last two weeks.

Books, Books, Books

I'm still waaay behind on gay soap stories, though I'm hoping to write about the last few weeks of Nuke tomorrow night, provided that my fast forward button doesn't self destruct with that much As the World Turns in one evening!

Tonight, I just thought I'd write a bit about what I've been reading. You may recall that earlier this year, I devoured the collections of short stories known as the 'Buddies' cycle by Ethan Mordden. I really fell in love with the characters in those stories and I was so sad when I'd finished the final collection, but now there is a silver lining to that particular cloud.

Awhile back, I bought two anthology collections, Between Men and Between Men 2. I hadn't actually started the Mordden books yet when I bought them, so even though I looked to see which authors were included at the time, his name hadn't particularly stood out for me then.

Recently, I glanced at the collections again and noticed that he had a story in each one. The story in the first collection, called 'The Ballad of Jimmy Pie', is a tale that has nothing to do with the characters in the 'Buddies' stories, but the story in the second collection, 'Fancy Our Meeting' is a new one in the cycle!

It probably sounds silly, but finding that out was like hearing news about old friends that you really loved but thought you'd lost touch with forever. I was so excited to see that he's still writing about Bud, Cosgrove, Dennis Savage, Carlo, and the rest of the gang. Maybe there will be another collection someday?

In the meantime, I haven't actually read 'Fancy Our Meeting' yet. If it really is the final story, I want to savor the prospect of still having it to look forward to for just a little longer! We'll see how long I can hold out.

I've gone a bit Mordden crazy, though, I have to say. After I saw Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal in Rent a few months ago, I found myself wanting to really embrace musicals. I've slowly become interested in them over the last few years, but I still know so very little about the genre in general!

So, to start with, I scoured the Internet for copies of Mordden's books on the history of the Broadway musical, which goes decade by decade from the 1920's through the 1970's and then has a final book covering 1980 to the middle of this decade.

Last month I read Make Believe, the book covering the 1920's and I'm now reading Sing for Your Supper, covering the 1930's (I have to read them in order by decade, of course, since I'm a little anal when it comes to chronology!).

I've discovered that even though I thought for the majority of my life that I didn't like musicals, it turns out that I've long since loved many songs from them. I blush to admit this, but I had no idea that most of the old standards that I've always loved actually came from musicals!

Maybe I should also mention my new addiction to the original cast album of A Chorus Line. Mordden mentions this musical more than once in the 'Buddies' stories (it's Little Kiwi's favorite, he sees it many, many times), so it was the first one I thought of to check out post-Rent.

Here we are, not quite two months later, and I could sing it to you line for line, if my voice wouldn't make your ears bleed! Sadly, I haven't been able to see an actual performance, unless you count the 1985 film version which I rented. I didn't really find that it lived up to the anticipation that had built up in me from loving the cast album, though, and from what I've read since it's not a very good adaptation of the show.

I also just finished reading Mordden's sweeping novel on post World War II gay life in America, How Long Has This Been Going On? The action starts in Los Angeles in 1949 and later moves to the Midwest, to New York, to San Francisco, and to New England before ending back in New York in 1991.

Various interconnected characters experience gay life in America in very different ways throughout the book, depending on the decade and setting they find themselves in and on their own personality and outlook. I think Mordden did a very good job of writing characters who all had their own views on gay life within each era, rather than presenting characters who all thought the same way just because they were gay in the 1950's or in the 1980's.

It's not all Mordden all the time for me, of course. I've read some great books by other authors lately, including Virginia Woolf's Orlando and Elizabeth Gaskell's Cranford, as well as some light, funny reads like Marc Acito's hilarious How I Paid for College and the equally funny follow up, Attack of the Theater People.

If you're wondering about my plan to read as many of the Booker prize longlist nominees as I can, here's an update on that: I've managed to get my hands on one title thus far (Samantha Harvey's The Wilderness), but I haven't started reading it yet. I have a feeling that I won't be progressing very far with that particular ambition, since I've got so many great books already lying in wait, tempting me every minute of the day to read just a bit faster so I can get to them.

I think I'd need a century or two just to read all that I want to read in my lifetime, and that's not even counting the many books that either haven't been written yet or those that I just haven't heard about yet!

I can only hope that Jorge Luis Borges was right, that the afterlife will be a library!

Interesting Quote from Y&R Writer

Now that I'm all caught up with Kish, both Nuke and the Y&R characters are on the horizon. However, it seems like I may not have to worry about catching up with the latter show at all. AfterElton has a new post wondering if the show is de-gaying itself after co-head writer Scott Hammer said the following:

“At this point, we are not doing a gay story, and we never actually were doing a gay story. What we were playing with Rafe was the lengths to which Adam will go to accomplish his goals. And what we were really seeing was that he would stop at nothing. And, at this point, I don't see a future for Rafe and Adam."

Well, it became clear to me fairly quickly that there was no long term future in Rafe & Adam, but I thought that there would still be a future for Rafe and someone else, whether it was the newly alive and out Philip or somebody completely new.

Does this mean that Rafe will just fade away, as so many gay characters not connected to core families (and at least one who was, General Hospital's Lucas) have in the past? Will the same happen to Philip?

I hope The Young and the Restless isn't backing away from groundbreaking story telling, but I honestly wouldn't be all that stunned if it turned out that they were. Then again, I was very surprised that they decided to introduce gay characters at all, so maybe they'll shock me again by giving Rafe and/or Philip a serious love interest.

Kish Catch Up Part Two

Before I move on, I need to mention how much I loved the Monday scenes between Kyle & Fish. First, we got a better sense of their history together in college and of the torment that Oliver felt then, and no doubt still feels, about being gay. We also saw yet again how much Kyle loves Fish, and that has made all the difference with this character. They- the writers and in particular Brett Claywell- have truly made me care about this guy way more than I ever thought I would.

Okay, on to Tuesday's episode, which picked up in the locker room just where we'd left off, with Fish listening in as Kyle chatted with the hunky gym guy. The newest gay in Llanview asked if Kyle wanted to hit the free weights with him, but Kyle had already finished working out. He suggested they get a drink together sometime and New Gay quickly gave Kyle his phone number. Fish looked decidedly troubled by all of this.

At that point, another story intruded (Stacey seems to be trying to seduce Kyle all of a sudden, which I'll know more about when I watch the rest of the show from the past two weeks, but lots of luck with that Stace!) and Kyle took off, but not before Fish asked him if everything was okay. Kyle said it was and took off with an "I'll see you around. Or not." As soon as he was alone, Fish flashed back to the kiss they shared in the alley.

Okay, Stacey and some random new character named Kim tried to start a three way with Kyle when Stacey's solo technique didn't seem to be working and he ended up telling them that he was gay. Stacey refused to believe it, saying that he'd flirted with her when they first met, and Kyle declared "My people flirt too!" It was pretty hilarious, actually, and the very first time I've ever enjoyed a scene with Stacey in it.

Later, Fish found himself in the locker room again with New Gay and he warned him that he should stay away from Kyle Lewis. New Gay wondered if Kyle and Fish were together and Fish quickly assured the guy that he wasn't gay and that Kyle has been in trouble with the law.

Oh, Fish, that was so low! I'm liking jealous Fish, I admit, but everyone already throws the blackmail thing in poor Kyle's face without Fish adding to it!

New Gay didn't seem overly concerned, though, pointing out that blackmail wasn't exactly armed robbery. I loved the fact that he started stripping at this point and Fish was going out of his way not to check out the competition! Who, by the way, looks like this (again courtesy of Superherofan):

New Gay said he'd get the details from Kyle, but Fish quickly backed off, suggesting that he not bring it up at all since Kyle is really sensitive about it, and asked that he just forget he'd mentioned it to begin with.

After they were showered and dressed, Fish overheard New Gay, whose name is Nick, getting a call from Kyle asking him out that night. Fish received a call of his own, from Stacey, since apparently he's next on her seduction list! (Okay, I had to back track a bit to find out what was happening; Stacey miscarried Rex's baby and needs to get knocked up again ASAP so she can keep her claws in Rex)

All right, finally, on to today's episode!

Layla and Cristian had both been sent to Rodi's (a local bar) by fake text messages from Stacey and her friend Kim, so that Stacey could get Fish alone in his apartment for the big seduction.

At Rodi's, Cristian began to think that Fish had set him and Layla up to get them both out of the apartment so that he could meet someone else. He suggested they head back to the apartment and Layla took umbrage at the suggestion that Oliver was cheating on her. She decided to head back to the apartment just to prove Cris wrong.

Meanwhile, Stacey was in full seduction mode on her second gay man of the evening. Fish told Stacey that he'd moved on since their one night stand last winter and Stacey, thinking of her experience with Kyle no doubt, asked if he was gay. Fish quickly denied this and told her that he had a girlfriend now.

Stacey didn't back off, of course, and Layla and Cristian walked in just in time to catch the two of them kissing. Stacey, being the bitch she is, quickly lied that Fish had called her over on a booty call and then made her exit, realizing that there was no hope for Fish to knock her up any time soon.

Fish swore to Layla that the romantic evening he'd set up had been for her and that Stacey had just shown up and thrown herself at him. Cristian wasn't buying this, but as Fish declared that he loved her and would never throw away what they have together, Layla decided to believe him.

Kyle and Nick showed up at Rodi's on their date and Kyle immediately spotted Layla and Cristian across the room in one direction, and Jared & Natalie (the two people he blackmailed) in the other direction. Nick asked if he wanted his friends to join them and Kyle quickly told him that they weren't really his friends. They had some awkward first date chat about the bar and Kyle admitted that he hadn't been on a date in a long time.

Nick was surprised to hear this, and Kyle told him about his last relationship and how it had left him a little gun shy. They began to talk a bit about the whole situation and Kyle told him that his ex is repressed and doesn't think he's gay.

Kyle apologized for talking about his ex and said that he could usually handle himself better than this. Nick told him that he'd heard that he could and then explained about how this cop had come up to him in the locker room at the gym and warned him about Kyle.

Kyle asked what the cop had said and Nick told him that he'd been warned to stay away from him. Kyle couldn't believe Fish had said that, and things suddenly clicked for Nick, who realized that the cop in the locker room was Kyle's closeted ex.

Nick said he'd had a feeling the cop was gay and Kyle explained that Fish was trying to convince himself that he wasn't and even had a girlfriend. Nick felt sorry for Oliver and said it seemed like he was still hung up on Kyle. Kyle said that was too bad, because Fish doesn't get to tell him he's a phase and then mess with his life.

All right, that brings me up to date on Kish. What a bad two weeks to have missed in real time, the busiest two weeks so far in their storyline!

I'm still really loving this story. Scott Evans and Brett Claywell are both doing an amazing job, and the writers know exactly what they're doing, which is a nice change from some other soaps I could mention!

Kish Catch Up Part One

This is part one of a post about the last two weeks worth of Kish episodes on One Life to Live. I wrote it all out as one post, but it seemed so long that I decided to split it in two.

I have to admit, I haven't caught up on the rest of the show yet. I had to utilize my fast forward button for once and just watch the Fish & Kyle scenes, which was so hard to do because I love this show and it looks like there is so much good stuff going on! I'll catch up on the rest of the show over the weekend, but I couldn't wait that long to see what was happening with my favorite gay storyline!

First up, last Thursday's episode. Kyle & his BFF Roxy were hanging out at Capricorn, where he was filling her in about everything that had happened between him, Fish, and Cristian in the alley, how Fish had denied being gay and even claimed that Kyle had 'assaulted' him with the kiss.

Roxy was holding out hope that Fish would find the courage to come out and be with Kyle again, but Mr. Lewis told her that he was done with Oliver.

I know I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: I love Kyle & Roxy as friends! They're really fun together, what with Roxy's cracks about three ways between Kyle, Fish, and Cristian, and it's nice to see someone actually care about Kyle for a change!

Meanwhile, Fish & Layla had returned to their apartment for their intimate night, only to find Cristian still there. When Layla went to take a shower, Cristian asked why Fish hadn't told her the truth yet. Fish again claimed that he hadn't been kissing Kyle back and went so far as to accuse Cristian of using the whole gay thing to try and get Layla for himself.

Cris told Oliver that it really didn't matter who he shares his bed with, but he's got to be honest with Layla, tell her the truth and let her decide where to go from there. Before leaving for work, Cristian gave Fish an ultimatum: tell Layla that night, or Cristian would do it himself.

Once they were alone, Fish stalled for time by taking a shower of his own, but afterward, when he and Layla sat down to talk, Oliver finally seemed to be on the verge of telling her that he'd been involved with Kyle back in college. The words were seconds away from leaving his mouth when, wouldn't you know it, the phone rang.

The call was from Fish's ultra conservative parents, and he told them that he was about to sit down to dinner with Layla. They, having heard all about this woman from their son, wanted to talk with her. Layla, introducing herself as Fish's girlfriend at his own prodding, charmed his parents so much that they told their son they want to come for a visit in the near future.

Pleased with how super straight this all made him seem, Fish abandoned any attempt to tell Layla the truth and the two moved things into the bedroom. Fish briefly flashed on his kiss with Kyle while making out with Layla, but seemed to push the thought away as the two fell back onto the bed and started undressing each other. No doubt Fish was soon flashing back to other encounters with Kyle to get him through what came next!

On to last Friday's episode. Cristian noticed that Fish's bed hadn't been slept in and concluded that an angry Layla had kicked him out after he told her the truth. Meanwhile, Fish and Layla were in bed together, discussing how amazing their night of passion had been, and with Fish marvelling at what a changed man he is when he's with her.

Cristian tried playing the supportive friend to Layla, but quickly learned that not only was she still completely uniformed about Oliver's relationship with Kyle, she was also glowing from all the sex she'd just had with him.

Cristian was about to spill the beans himself when Fish interrupted and Layla asked him to butt out of her relationship. After Layla left the room, Cristian and Fish got into another discussion about whether or not Fish is gay just because he had sex with Kyle in college. Cristian pointed out that Fish hadn't told Layla the truth about his past and warned that if Fish hurt her, he'd have to answer to Cristian. Fish insisted that he wasn't going to hurt her and that Cris was only seeing what he wanted to see because of his own feelings for Layla.

Is Cristian really backing off from his ultimatum that easily? It seems like it, as he later wondered aloud to his boss Blair why he was trying to break up a happy couple. He did seem confused, too, about the fact that Fish could be gay and still have had sex with a woman.

Layla, meanwhile, confessed to Fish that she felt really vulnerable after their night together and reminded him that there was something he'd been trying to tell her. She suggested that he tell her anything then and there, before they got in any deeper, and Oliver replied that if things continue as they are, he really thinks the two of them have a future together. Oh, Oliver, you poor self loathing fool!

On Monday's episode, Cristian continued his conversation with Blair, telling her that he'd caught Fish kissing someone else. Blair pressed him to tell her who and when he refused she wondered if it was someones wife. When Cris said no, she jokingly wondered if it was someones husband and then realized from Cristian's reaction how close to the truth she was.

Cristian voiced his confusion about Fish having slept with Layla and Kyle and Blair pointed out that he could be bisexual. Cris seemed to be new to the whole concept of bisexuality and said that he couldn't imagine ever wanting to kiss a guy. He could imagine doing just about everything else with one, just not kissing. Okay, I made that last part up.

Meanwhile, Fish and Kyle had a little run in at the gym. In the locker room, of course, which just proves that the writers of the show have somehow found a way to access my private fantasies. If Brody and Rex had been there as well, I'd probably have to sue for plagiarism.

Kyle started off the conversation by warning Fish not to come too close- he might catch queer. Love it!

Fish apologized to Kyle for the whole thing in the alley and told him that college had been a confusing time but he'd figured out what he wanted now and was with Layla, making it clear that they were together in every sense.

Kyle sarcastically pointed out that having sex with one girl didn't mean that Fish suddenly wasn't gay and Fish told him that Layla wasn't the first, but he hoped she'd be the last, that he can see a future with her. Fish said he wanted to tell Kyle this so that he'd know nothing could ever happen between the two of them again and Kyle could move on. Fish asked if they were 'cool' and Kyle went off on him:

Kyle: You tell me that our relationship, the most meaningful relationship I've ever had in my life by the way, was what, a lay over for you? And you ask me if we're cool? No we're not cool!

Oliver: Okay, I didn't mean it to sound that way.

Kyle: Why do you care? I mean, our relationship wasn't real, right, so obviously my feelings don't matter.

Oliver: Come on, I didn't say that.

Kyle: Oh, I guess I imagined all those times you getting drunk and crawling into my bed then, confused, huh?

Oliver: Keep it down!

Kyle (in a lower voice): Is this better? Now you don't have to worry about people finding out how you'd get drunk and cry in my arms, laying in bed late at night, terrified about what you'd do if your parents found out.

Oliver: I don't remember that.

Kyle: I guess you don't remember telling me you loved me, huh? How could you, you were confused.

Oliver: Yes, I was! How many times do I have to say that?

Kyle: I don't care how many times you tell me, or what you do with Layla, okay? It doesn't matter to me, because I know you, and when I kissed you the other day, you kissed me back.

Fish insisted once again that he hadn't kissed Kyle back, and accused the other man of seeing something that wasn't there. When Oliver started to walk out, Kyle stopped him. He asked if they could make a deal: he'd forget all of this and Fish could do whatever he wanted with Layla, if he'd just meet with Kyle in private, once, to talk. Kyle promised that he wouldn't try anything and said that it looked like Fish was going through a really hard time, and Kyle just wanted to help.

Fish wondered why Kyle would want to help him, and Kyle said that whether or not he likes it, he still cares about Oliver and wants to make sure he's going to be okay. Kyle, standing behind Fish, put his hand on the other man's shoulder and told him that he hated to see him like this. Fish placed his own hand over Kyle's and closed his eyes briefly, clearly affected by the moment as Kyle rested his head against his back. (Here's a visual, courtesy of Superherofan)

Cristian, of course, showed up in the locker room and caught the two in this tender position. Fish quickly pulled away and yelled "Don't touch me!" at Kyle before asking him to confirm to Cristian that this was 'nothing'. Kyle told Cristian that he'd just asked Fish out and had been turned down, that Oliver was in love with Layla and not gay. Cristian asked about their past together and Kyle claimed that they'd get drunk and he'd make a move on Fish, but the other man just wasn't interested.

Okay, that doesn't fit in at all with anything Kyle has told Cristian in the past, but this is Cris we're talking about. Thought isn't his strong suit, so he'll probably have little trouble buying this latest version of the story.

After Cris left, Fish spotted Kyle in across the locker room, chatting up a random gym hunk, and looked decidedly pained.

Yes! Bring on jealous Fish! I've been eagerly anticipating this.

Brett Claywell Interview

Last week was always going to be a busy one for me, but there was a family medical emergency on top of everything else, so I'm incredibly far behind on all of the soaps at the moment.

I'll be writing about the various LGBT soap stories as I catch up on watching them. In the meantime, check out AfterElton's interview with Brett Claywell, who plays the man who puts the K in Kish on One Life to Live:

AE: How did you feel about it? Did you have any reservations?
BC: I think, naturally, the history there was definitely something that I had to take some time and think about. There's a lot that goes with it, because after a year, I've lived through some things and have some connection with the character.

You start going through a lot of the same emotions I'm sure a man coming out and realizing that he actually is gay, there's a lot of emotions you go through as an actor to play that role. When the things are coming out of your mouth, listening to what you're saying and the emotions you're feeling towards another man, even when it comes down to the phone call to your father saying, "Dad, I have to play a gay man. This is what you're going to see me portraying on television."

There are some similarities between that and a gay man calling his father and coming out to him. I wouldn't say there were hesitations at all. I’m just the kind of guy who likes to invest himself as completely as possible in a role, and I don't take it lightly. Therefore, I would say there were less reservations, and more experiences I lived through to be more comfortable in it.

Check out the whole thing! I can't wait to see what I've missed the last few weeks on the show.

Hold That Thought....

It's only Tuesday, but I've already fallen behind on the soaps for the week. The next few days are going to be busy for me, but I may catch up on write ups of individual episodes later in the week. If not, I will write up the entire week's happenings for each of the gay storylines at the weekend, when I should have a bit more time on my hands.

In the meantime, there is some news about the Kish story on One Life to Live: the show has cast Scott Evans' real life mother, Lisa Evans, to play Oliver Fish's mother on the show, starting on September 16th. That should give the story a very interesting twist! I'm very curious to see Fish interact with these parents we've been hearing so much about lately.

Kish: Kyle's Breaking Point

On today's One Life to Live, we picked up right where we'd left off: with Oliver & Kyle's first onscreen kiss. You know, I'd be fine with starting every episode with a kiss between those two! Even if they're not on that day, they could just be kissing in the background of the first scene.

Anyway, Cristian walked around the corner and caught them, as we knew he would. He broke up the kiss by asking if this was what Fish didn't want to tell Layla.

Oliver reacted by pushing Kyle away roughly and asking what the hell was wrong with him. Fish told Cristian that he'd seen it, it was assault, the guy was all over him! Cristian wasn't buying it, though, and he told Oliver to stop, that he knew he was gay. Oliver insisted that Kyle had been stalking him and Kyle just shook his head and said, softly, "This is so sad." I really loved that little moment.

Cristian told Fish that he had to stop lying, that there was nothing wrong with being gay, but that Fish had to tell Layla. Fish lashed out again, saying that he wasn't gay and that 'this freak' had come on to him. Poor Kyle! He just stood there, silent, looking like his heart had just been ripped out.

Cristian rose to Kyle's defense, saying that he wasn't a freak, and neither was Fish: "So you kissed him back, so what, you're gay. What's the big deal Oliver?" Cristian told Fish to do right by Layla and tell her the truth himself, so Cristian didn't have to.

Oliver told Kyle not to come near him again and Kyle told him not to worry: they're done. Fish looked, just for an instant, like he wanted Kyle to take that back, but he just said "Good" and walked away.

Once they were alone, Cristian asked if Kyle was all right.

Kyle: I'm in love with a guy who hates the fact that he loves me. He'd rather force himself into an impossible situation with a woman rather than just come out and tell the truth.

Cristian: ... I'm sorry, man. But look, when he tells Layla the truth, he can come around.

Kyle: Don't count on him telling Layla.

Cristian: He's that scared?

Kyle: Yeah. But I meant what I said. We're done.

Kyle then took the opportunity to try and make Cristian see that he was lying to himself just as much as Oliver was. No, not about his sexuality (though, what a triangle that would be!), but about his feelings for Layla.

At the station, Fish seemed to have decided to take Cristian's advice by telling Layla the truth. He asked to talk to her in private, but while he was waiting for her to finish up some work, one of his day player cop buddies walked by and gave Oliver a thumbs up sign for having scored Layla. This macho approval seemed to change Fish's mind and he told Layla that what he wanted to say could wait until later.

Layla suggestively told him that they'd have the apartment to themselves practically all night, since Cristian was working late, and after a moment of looking like that was the last thing he wanted to hear, Fish kissed Layla and said it was a date.

I'm still loving this story. It's great how they've taken this unsympathetic character like Kyle and made him into a character to root for and, at the same time, taken an adorable guy like Fish and added an unexpected cowardice to his character, this overwhelming fear of who he really is. It makes him more fascinating that he ever was before.

You just feel, like Kyle did in the alley, a sense of sadness and pity for this guy who is turning his back on not only love, but on his true self, all out of fear.

I can't wait to see Kyle move on and to see how jealous it ultimately makes Fish! I think there's a lot of great story ahead.

Nuke Day: Daddy One or Daddy Two?

Luke is not himself these days. How else can you explain that our Mr. Snyder has not only decided to blow off a long planned horse buying trip to Kentucky with his dad in favor of a business cruise with Damian, but he also makes a disparaging remark about hanging out in barns?! I think you can be run out of the Snyder clan for good for making such a statement.

Noah was equally taken aback by this change in plans in today's episode. He and Luke got into an argument about Luke choosing Damian over Holden. Luke protested that this was just business and that Noah was the one who wanted him to get close to Damian in the first place. He also brought up all the many things that Damian has done for them.

Noah still felt that Holden was going to take the change of plans personally, though, and was bothered by the fact that Luke seemed to be giving Damian equal importance along with Holden, the man who'd actually raised Luke. Mason arrived at Java (where else?) just as the guys reached an impasse in their argument and Luke took off, leaving Noah without so much as a kiss goodbye.

Mason provided Noah with a friendly ear, listening to all the woes that come along with the tangled branches in Luke's family tree. Mason wondered aloud which father Luke was going to end up like (please, he's already Lily: The Sequel!), which is of course what the audience is supposed to be thinking about, too. Is Luke becoming more Grimaldi than Snyder?! Edge of your seat stuff.

Luke, meanwhile, broke the news to Holden & Lily. Holden was surprisingly fine with situation, saying that work comes first and Luke could come along another time. Lily was furious though, and basically accused Luke of choosing Damian over Holden.

When Luke told Damian about all of this, Grimaldi made up some blatantly obvious lie about the ship not being ready to show the potential buyer anyway, so Luke didn't have to come along with him after all.

Luke went back to Java, where Mason and Noah were still enjoying each other's company. Luke asked to talk to Noah and Mason departed, leaving Luke to explain that his cruise was canceled and he wanted to go with Holden but didn't know if his dad would even want him to come along still. Noah suggested that he go and talk to Holden, like a logical person would do. Only, he said it far more sweetly.

That was pretty much it, except for the the fact that the episode ended with Damian and Lily sucking face like it was going out of style. How long until Mason & Noah are doing the same?

Y&R: Busted!

We haven't had much on the Adam & Rafe front on The Young and the Restless since Adam ended things with Rafe and was outed to his father by Nikki. Today, though, Adam's lies and manipulations came back to haunt him, thanks once again to Nikki Newman.

You see, Nikki was engaged to be married to Paul, who is the father of Adam's girlfriend Heather. She decided to end things with Paul, since she's still in love with her ex husband Victor, and in her Dear John letter she took the time to out Adam one last time, telling Paul that she'd caught him with Rafe and thought Heather should know. I wonder if that softened the blow for Paul at all? I mean, hey, you're dumped, but at least you're not an unwitting beard like your daughter!

Like any good father, Paul wasted no time in breaking the news, and an irate and very hurt Heather headed straight for the Newman ranch.

Adam was home alone when she arrived and she blurted out "You're gay?" the second he opened the door. Adam tried to act outraged, demanding to know how she could ask such a thing after all that hot sex they've had.

Heather amended her statement, saying that he swings both ways then, which just means that he can cheat on her with anyone! Adam asked where all of this was coming from, and Heather told him about Nikki's note. Adam tried to play it off by saying that Nikki hated him, but Heather remembered the odd conversation she'd had with Nikki the other day and how, instead of defending Adam, Rafe had agreed with Nikki that she shouldn't trust him.

Adam insisted that Nikki must have misinterpreted something and Heather decided to call Rafe, since he's one of the most honest people she knows, and find out from him just what exactly had happened.

Adam stopped her, finally admitting that he'd experimented with Rafe 'just one time' but wasn't gay and had told Rafe that it would never be more than that, and that he loved Heather and wanted to marry her. Heather took no comfort in that, declaring that it was a good thing she and Adam weren't already married, since he's 'on the down low' and might decide later that he wants to be with a man.

Heather told him that what really mattered was that he'd cheated on her, one more lie on top of many earlier ones. Her parting shot was to tell Adam that she never wants to see his face again. Adam, left alone, muttered Nikki's name in true soap "I will have my revenge!" fashion.

So, thanks to Nikki, everyone in Adam's family and his girlfriend all know that he slept with Rafe. Heather was really the only person that Adam was at all close to, so it will be interesting to see where he goes from here now that he's more alone than ever.

This was a great episode overall, very classic soap in all of its elements.

(Belated) Nuke Day: Dinner and a Movie

Last Tuesday was a Nuke day on As the World Turns and it was Luke's first day on the job at Grimaldi Shipping. Luke wasn't feel very comfortable with the fact that everyone at the company knew he'd only got the job because of who his father was, rather than by being at all qualified, and Damian told him that this was the way the real world worked.

Damian invited Luke to a business dinner that night and Luke asked if he could bring Noah along. Damian readily agreed, though across town at the very moment, Noah was working on his script with Mason and having some problems with his main character. Mason suggested that Noah come to a screening of an independent film that night, one where there had been similar character issues to work out, and then they could have a beer afterward and discuss the film. Noah asked if he could bring Luke and Mason said that would be fine.

Luke & Noah ran into each other in Old Town and, after a kiss and a comment from Noah about how hot Luke looked in his suit (actually, I didn't like Luke in a suit. It just looked odd to me!), the guys realized that they had conflicting plans for the evening. They decided that they could meet up afterward.

At the theatre, Noah discovered that it was just him & Mason. His professor had arranged a private screening of the film, just for Noah's benefit. The best part? Since it was just the two of them, clothing was optional! Okay, not really. But it was a pretty cozy setting, just the two of them.

Meanwhile, Luke was not pleased when he and Damian showed up at the Lakeview and discovered that Damian's business associate had brought his daughter along. Luke made a quick departure, but Damian went after him to find out what was wrong. Luke asked if that was why Damian wanted Luke to join the business, to introduce him to girls? No matter how many beautiful women Damian parades in front of him, Luke will still be gay!

Damian assured Luke that he hadn't even know that his associate would be bringing his daughter along, so Luke apologized and went back to the table.

Later, Meg showed up and Damian excused himself to go upstairs for a little sex. I'm still waiting to hear Luke voice an opinion about the fact that his father is doing it with his other father's sister! Damian's business associate made a quick getaway as well, leaving his daughter in Luke's hands for the evening. Luke looked less than thrilled.

When Noah showed up, Luke & his 'date' were having a good time together, though. As soon as Luke saw Noah he introduced him as his boyfriend and, when his new friend was clearly surprised and disappointed by this, Luke declared himself 'totally gay'. She thanked Noah for lending her his boyfriend and departed, leaving Noah jealous and worried that Damian was still trying to turn Luke straight.

Luke assured Noah that it wasn't like that (after all, Noah is the one who dated- and married!- women; Luke has never showed any interest along those lines) and that Noah was the one he was going home with, anyway. The two of them headed back to their cot at Java, or wherever it is they really live these days.

I think it would have been far more interesting if Mr. Business Associate had brought along his hot son for Luke to entertain. It would have been more logical that Noah would get jealous over some hunky guy than a shipping princess.

Kish Me!

After a complete lack of Fish & Kyle last week, today was a huge day for Kish on One Life to Live: their first onscreen kiss! It was a pretty passionate one, too.

The episode started with an awkward conversation between Fish & Layla, when she asked if her bracelet worked with her outfit. Fish was immediately on the defensive, wondering why she was asking him that, as if he should know anything about fashion. Layla explained that she was just looking for a compliment, not implying that he was gay.

As Cristian lingered in the background, overhearing everything, Layla apologized again for jumping to the wrong conclusion the other night and asked if Fish forgave her, noting that she liked him and hoped they were going somewhere with their relationship.

Oliver told her to stop beating herself up over it and gave her a kiss before leaving. After he was gone Cristian, always a bit slow on the uptake, finally put all the pieces together (he actually sat in a chair and stared into space while flashing back to his conversation with Kyle; you could practically see the little light bulb coming on over his head) and realized that Fish and Kyle had been lovers.

Meanwhile, over at the Buenos Dias, Kyle was having breakfast with his new BFF, Roxy. She noted that he was looking for a job in the paper and he explained that if he didn't find something soon, he'd have to drop out of med school. Roxy mentioned that the Llanview PD was looking for a few good men, and Kyle made a crack about Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Roxy asked if that was the problem with 'Officer Hunk', and Kyle explained that in addition to his job being an issue, Fish's parents are so conservative that he'd be dead to them if he ever came out.

Roxy told Kyle that if there's one thing she knows about life, it's that you've got to be yourself and let your freak flag fly. Anything else is like a bad wig: ugly, itchy, and fooling nobody. You have to love Roxy, and I do really enjoy seeing her and Kyle as friends. She somehow always seemed like a character who'd be friends with a lot of gay guys.

Kyle told Roxy that Oliver made his choice, and it wasn't him. Roxy offered a bit of good news for the cash strapped med student, telling him that she'd let him stay at the motel for free until he got a job and then he could pay rent like everyone else.

Kyle thanked her, saying that she was the only person who'd been decent to him. Roxy noted that she must not take blackmail too personally, which made me laugh.

Roxy got up for some reason (maybe to use the bathroom?) and passed Fish just as he was coming in the door. She stopped to advise him that he should give his friend another chance and told him that Kyle was crazy about him. Oliver did not looked pleased and marched straight over to Kyle and said he had to talk to him in private.

Out in the alley behind the restaurant, Fish demanded to know what Kyle had told Roxy.

Fish: What did you tell her, Kyle?

Kyle: Roxy's not going to say anything.

Fish: What, you told her that we...

Kyle: We what? You can't even say it, can you? We were lovers, okay? I loved you! I still do.

This was a pretty big moment in and of itself, since it was the first actual on air confirmation that the two of them had a relationship in college. Yes, Kyle had all but said so to Cristian and to Roxy, but having it stated explicitly is still an important step.

Fish asked if Kyle had read his letter and Kyle told him it was a joke: you can't just decide you're not gay anymore. Fish claimed that he never was gay and said that he & Kyle had just been a phase, a bad experiment.

Kyle asked if some shrink had told him that, and Fish said he didn't need anyone to help him figure it out. He knows who he is, and he's with Layla. Kyle said Layla was a nice girl and asked if she knew that she was Fish's beard.

Meanwhile, Cristian had arrived at the Buenos Dias looking for his mother. He wondered if she could be out back accepting a delivery and Roxy spilled the beans that alley was occupied by Kyle and Fish, who were having a private conversation.

In the alley, Fish ignored the comment about Layla and just said he was sorry if Kyle was disappointed. Kyle told Oliver that he'd thought he was braver and more honest than this, and Fish took the opportunity to throw Kyle's recent crimes back in his face yet again.

Kyle: Yeah, I took some dumb chances, okay? But I never lied about who I am.

Fish: I'm a cop!

Kyle: A gay cop!

Fish: No!

Kyle: In a place that makes that kind of tough, I get that.

Fish: No, I'm not gay, I have a girlfriend!

Kyle: Why are you doing this to yourself?

Fish (voice breaking): Because I would lose everything!

Kyle: Or you'd get yourself back, Oliver. Your life, not anybody else's.

Fish (sounding like he's trying to convince himself instead of Kyle): No, I like where I am.

Kyle: Do you? Lying to your parents? Lying to that girl?

Fish: I'm going to ask you one more time to leave me alone and if you don't-

Kyle: What? What, are you going to hit me? It wasn't a bad experiment, Oliver. It meant something! We meant something! I know you. I know you remember.

At that point, Oliver looked lost, like he was caught between two worlds and Kyle grabbed him for their very first onscreen kiss. It wasn't one sided, either. Fish was definitely kissing back:

I expected to see Cristian coming around the corner to catch them, but it didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow?

I loved this episode. There is real passion between these two, and I like that Kyle is so upfront about his feelings for Fish. Each new episode makes me like Kyle all the more, what with the torch he's been carrying all these years for Oliver. Brett Claywell has done a very good job of making a character that seemed very unsympathetic a short time ago into a person you want to root for.

Scott Evans, meanwhile, continues to amaze me with how he's playing Fish's struggle to deny who he is and what he really wants. You can practically feel his tension whenever he's around Kyle radiating off the screen, as if just one touch would send him bursting out of his skin, and he's got to cover it up with disgust over Kyle's crimes or anger that he won't disappear from his life.

I especially loved the way he played today's scenes in the alley, in particular the moment where he said he'd lose everything if he was gay. It really broke my heart. Poor Oliver!

I can't wait to see more from these two!