Getting My Gay Soap Fix

Since the news broke that One Life to Live was ditching Kish, I haven't watched a single episode of an American soap. I fully intend to watch the remaining episodes of the Kish and Nuke storylines, and the shows are beginning to fill up my Tivo in a way that will demand action sooner rather than later.

The truth is, though, that I just haven't had the slightest desire to press the play button so far. I'm so incredibly disgusted with the people who are running daytime (into the ground), and I just can't bring myself to care enough at the moment to tune in.

I've always been a fan of the soap genre, though, and that will never change. In the future, I'll just be seeking them out from somewhere other than network TV. Lately I've been getting my fix from outside the United States, in fact.

There's nothing new in that, of course. I've written before about my love of Christian and Olli on the German soap Verbotene Liebe. I'm not sure if I ever wrote about the fact that I was a huge fan of the gay storyline that the British soap Hollyoaks did a few years ago, with John Paul McQueen and Craig Dean (dubbed McDean by their fans). It was a very well told story.

After the guys broke up and Craig left town, there was John Paul and Kieron, the hot gay priest who (eventually) gave up his collar to be with John Paul, only to then die tragically, in scenes that were very painful to watch, just in time for John Paul and Craig to reunite and ride off into the sunset together (yay for a McDean reunion, boo for killing off Kieron instead of keeping him around and giving him a new love interest!)

I've seen gay stories on other British soaps (Eastenders, Emmerdale, and Coronation Street) but so far nothing else had even come close to McDean.

That is, until Aaron Livesy's story began on Emmerdale. Now, I'm not saying that Aaron's story surpasses McDean, so if you're one of the very vocal fans of that pairing, don't place a price on my head or anything. I'm just saying that it's the only story so far that has the potential to come close.

Emmerdale, unlike the other British soaps I mentioned above, doesn't take place in a city but rather in a small rural village. There have been other LGBT characters on the show in the past, and there has even been a gay wedding in the village, but I don't think they've ever done anything as powerful as the story they're telling right now with Aaron.

The character of Aaron is a rather thuggish 18 year old mechanic who lives in the village with his mother's ex-boyfriend, local veterinarian Paddy. He's had a troubled past and has a strained relationship with his mother and an absent father. In spite of his demeanor and his tendency to lash out at people, Aaron of course has a big heart that he keeps hidden away. Last December, Aaron got caught up in a moment and nearly kissed his best friend Adam, who isn't gay (sadly enough, since they'd make a really cute couple!). Aaron denied that he was gay, and even insisted that he'd never tried to kiss his friend, and to prove it he began dating Adam's sister, Holly. (Aaron is on the left, below, Adam is on the right, with Holly in the center)


Things quieted down for a few months, but after Holly broke up with Aaron, he began trying to get up the nerve to go to a gay bar in a nearby town. Eventually, he managed to go inside very briefly, but it didn't go over very well. Aaron seemed disgusted by the men around him, and when the one guy he did seem interested in asked him to play a game of pool, Aaron ran out of the pub and beat up some innocent garbage cans nearby.

In the meantime, Paddy had become worried that all of Aaron's mood swings and secrecy meant that he was either using or dealing drugs.

Last week, Paddy confronted Aaron with his suspicions. In the end, he realized that he was wrong, but also figured out that Aaron was gay. Paddy tried to be supportive, but Aaron lashed out and beat Paddy up.

I was liking the story a lot up to this point, but the scenes that really blew me away and made me a huge fan were when Aaron returned to the house and broke down in tears over what he'd done to the only person who really cared about him. Danny Miller, the actor who plays Aaron, was beyond amazing in these scenes, and I think he's easily one of the most talented people I've ever seen working in soaps.
After apologizing to Paddy, Aaron explained that he hated gay people and didn't want to be one, that he'd been fighting it. Paddy told Aaron that he himself had only been in love three times and that he'd had his heart broken each time, but even so he'd never deny himself the chance to be in love again, and that's what Aaron was proposing, a life without love.

Aaron said that he'd rather live a lonely life than a queer one, but Paddy got him to open up about the first guy he'd ever loved and tried to get him to open up about his feelings for Adam, but at that point Aaron shut the conversation down and decided to leave.

I'm doing these scenes no justice, by the way. They're incredibly heart wrenching and my eyes teared up more than once. You can watch them online starting here or you can watch Aaron's whole story, going all the way back to last July, here.

This week, Aaron came home but he told Paddy that he'd sorted things out and that he just was never going to be with a guy.

Clearly, Aaron is troubled and has a long way to go, but this story has been incredibly well written and acted so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

One of the most amusing things about all of this, by the way, is that Aaron's co-worker at the garage, Ryan, is played by actor James Sutton, who used to play John Paul McQueen on Hollyoaks! I guess the American equivalent would be if Van Hansis and Scott Evans ended up on the same soap together.

Oh, Ricky

I'm sure you've all heard the news by now that Ricky Martin has finally come out of the closet as, in his words, "a fortunate homosexual man."

It's always great when someone has the courage to come out of the closet, whether it's to their family or to the public in general. Everyone pretty much knew Ricky was gay anyway, what with his years of non-denials, but having another out and proud LGBT celebrity is certainly a good thing.

All day long, I've been remembering a heated conversation I had with a friend back around the year 2000 or so. We were trying to study, but the conversation drifted to guys, as it usually did. I told her that Ricky Martin was gay and she absolutely refused to believe it. Of course, any time I pointed out a guy I thought was gay, she'd scoff.

Looking back, I realize that if someone wasn't overtly effeminate or hadn't directly told her that they were gay, she was firmly convinced that they were straight and nothing would budge her from that view. One of our biggest arguments was over whether or not there was such a thing as 'gaydar'! To be fair, it probably didn't help that she and I tended to be interested in the same guys!

I told her back then that Ricky would come out one day and that I'd be waiting with a big fat "I told you so!" when he did. I haven't really spoken to her in a long while, though, so I'll just use the old blog for a sort of cosmic "I told you so!" in her general direction.

Congratulations to Ricky. It would have been nice if he'd come out back in the Livin' La Vida Loca days, but maybe having the courage to be open about who he is will revitalize his career in the United States?

Lambda Literary Nominees

The finalists for the 22nd Annual Lambda Literary Awards have been announced. Looking over the nominees, I feel excited to see so many titles that I can add to my reading list. I've only read one of them already, Edmund White's City Boy, a memoir of the author's life in New York in the 1960's and 1970's, a book I really enjoyed.

As I've said before, I don't tend to read more than a few brand new titles each year and recently I've been devouring a lot of gay fiction published in the 1970's and 80's. I began reading the Men on Men anthology series last year and many of the wonderful short stories in those books have lead me to the story collections and novels of some very incredible writers I might otherwise have never heard of.

With so many older books still waiting to be discovered, it's daunting to realize that there are this many new ones (and plenty more beyond just these, of course) being published each year! I read more than almost anyone else I know, honestly, and yet I know for a fact even if I somehow managed to live to be 120 I'll die with a stack of books waiting to be read on my bedside table and a long list of titles, old and new, that I'm interested in checking out.

Clearly, I either need to discover the fountain of youth so that I can have an eternity in which to read everything that I'd like to read, or I need to have my own personal Groundhog's Day a la Bill Murray.

Here is the full list of nominees:

LGBT Anthologies

• Gay American Autobiography: Writings from Whitman to Sedaris, edited by David Bergman (University of Wisconsin Press)
• Moral Panics, Sex Panics: Fear and the Fight Over Sexual Rights, edited by Gilbert Herdt (NYU Press)
• My Diva: 65 Gay Men on the Women Who Inspire Them, edited by Michael Montlack (University of Wisconsin Press)
• Portland Queer: Tales of the Rose City, edited by Ariel Gore (Lit Star Press)
• Smash the Church, Smash the State! The Early Years of Gay Liberation, edited by Tommi Avicolli Mecca (City Lights)

LGBT Children’s/Young Adult

• Ash, by Malinda Lo (Little, Brown)
• How Beautiful the Ordinary, edited by Michael Cart (HarperCollins)
• In Mike We Trust, by P.E. Ryan (HarperCollins)
• Sprout, by Dale Peck (Bloomsbury USA)
• The Vast Fields of Ordinary, by Nick Burd (Penguin Books)

LGBT Drama

• The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, by Kate Moira Ryan & Linda S. Chapman (Dramatists Play Service)
• The Collected Plays Of Mart Crowley, by Mart Crowley (Alyson Books)
• Revenge of the Women’s Studies Professor, by Bonnie L. Morris (Indiana University Press)

LGBT Nonfiction

• The Golden Age of Gay Fiction, edited by Drewey Wayne Gunn (MLR Press)
• The Greeks and Greek Love, by James Davidson (Random House)
• I Am Your Sister: Collected and Unpublished Writings of Audre Lorde, edited by Rudolph P. Byrd, Johnnetta Betsch Cole & Beverly Guy-Sheftall (Oxford University Press)
• Ties That Bind: Familial Homophobia and Its Consequences, by Sarah Schulman (The New Press)
• Unfriendly Fire: How the Gay Ban Undermines the Military and Weakens America, by Nathaniel Frank (St. Martin’s Press)

LGBT SF/Fantasy/Horror

• Centuries Ago and Very Fast, by Rebecca Ore (Aqueduct Press)
• Fist of the Spider Woman, by Amber Dawn (Arsenal Pulp Press)
• In the Closet, Under the Bed, by Lee Thomas (Dark Scribe Press)
• Palimpsest, by Catherynne M. Valente (Bantam/Spectra Books)
• Pumpkin Teeth, by Tom Cardamone (Lethe Press)

LGBT Studies

• Metropolitan Lovers: The Homosexuality of Cities, by Julie Abraham (University of Minnesota Press)
• Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP’s Fight Against AIDS, by Deborah B. Gould (University of Chicago Press)
• The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in the Twentieth Century, by Kathryn Bond Stockton (Duke University Press)
• The Resurrection of the Body: Pier Paolo Pasolini from Saint Paul to Sade, by Armando Maggi (University of Chicago Press)
• The Straight State: Sexuality and Citizenship in Twentieth Century America, by Margot Canaday (Princeton University Press)

Bisexual Fiction

• Arusha, by J.E. Knowles (Spinsters Ink)
• Holy Communion, by Mykola Dementiuk (Synergy Press)
• The Janeid, by Bobbie Geary (The Graeae Press)
• Love You Two, by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli (Random House Australia)
• Torn, by Amber Lehman (Closet Case Press)

Bisexual Nonfiction

• Byron in Love: A Short Daring Life, by Edna O’Brien (W. W. Norton)
• Cheever: A Life, by Blake Bailey (Alfred A. Knopf)
• Leaving India: My Family’s Journey From Five Villages to Five Continents, by Minal Hajratwala (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt)
• Map, by Audrey Beth Stein (Lulu.com)
• Vincente Minnelli: Hollywood’s Dark Dreamer, by Emanuel Levy (St. Martin’s Press)

Transgender

• Bharat Jiva, by Kari Edwards (Litmus Press)
• Lynnee Breedlove’s One Freak Show, by Lynn Breedlove (Manic D Press)
• The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, by S Bear Bergman (Arsenal Pulp Press)
• Transmigration, by Joy Ladin (Sheep Meadow Press)
• Troglodyte Rose, by Adam Lowe (Cadaverine Publications)

Lesbian Debut Fiction

• The Creamsickle, by Rhiannon Argo (Spinsters Ink)
• The Bigness of the World, by Lori Ostlund (University of Georgia Press)
• Land Beyond Maps, by Maida Tilchen (Savvy Press)
• More of This World or Maybe Another, by Barb Johnson (Harper Perennial)
• Verge, by Z Egloff (Bywater Books)

Gay Debut Fiction

• Blue Boy, by Rakesh Satyal (Kensington Books)
• God Says No, by James Hannaham (McSweeneys)
• Pop Salvation, by Lance Reynald (HarperCollins)
• Shaming the Devil: Collected Short Stories, by G. Winston James (Top Pen Press)
• Sugarless, by James Magruder (University of Wisconsin Press)

Lesbian Erotica

• Flesh and Bone, by Ronica Black (Bold Strokes Books)
• Lesbian Cowboys, edited by Sacchi Green & Rakelle Valencia (Cleis Press)
• Punishment with Kisses, by Diane Anderson-Minshall (Bold Strokes Books)
• Where the Girls Are, by D.L. King (Cleis Press)
• Women of the Bite, Edited by Cecilia Tan (Alyson Books)

Gay Erotica

• Rough Trade: Dangerous Gay Erotica, edited by Todd Gregory (Bold Strokes Books)
• Impossible Princess, by Kevin Killian (City Lights)
• I Like It Like That: True Tales of Gay Desire, edited by Richard Labonté & Lawrence Schimel (Arsenal Pulp Press)
• The Low Road, by James Lear (Cleis Press)
• Eight Inches, by Sean Wolfe (Kensington Books)

Lesbian Fiction

• Dismantled, by Jennifer McMahon (HarperCollins)
• A Field Guide to Deception, by Jill Malone (Bywater Books)
• Forgetting the Alamo, Or, Blood Memory, by Emma Pérez (University of Texas Press)
• Risk, by Elana Dykewomon (Bywater Books)
• This One’s Going to Last Forever, by Nairne Holtz (Insomniac Press)

Gay Fiction

• Lake Overturn, by Vestal McIntyre (HarperCollins)
• The River In Winter, by Matt Dean (Queens English Productions)
• Said and Done, by James Morrison (Black Lawrence Press)
• Salvation Army, by Abdellah Taia (Semiotext(e))
• Silverlake, by Peter Gadol (Tyrus Books)

Lesbian Memoir/Biography

• Called Back: My Reply to Cancer, My Return to Life, by Mary Cappello (Alyson Books)
• Mean Little deaf Queer, by Terry Galloway (Beacon Press)
• My Red Blood: A Memoir of Growing Up Communist, Coming Onto the Greenwich Village Folk Scene, and Coming Out in the Feminist Movement, by Alix Dobkin (Alyson Books)
• Likewise: The High School Comic Chronicles of Ariel Schrag, by Ariel Schrag (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone Fireside)
• The Talented Miss Highsmith: The Secret Life and Serious Art of Patricia Highsmith, by Joan Schenkar (St. Martin’s Press)

Gay Memoir/Biography

• Ardent Spirits: Leaving Home, Coming Back, by Reynolds Price (Scribner Books)
• City Boy: My Life in New York During the 1960’s and 70’s, by Edmund White (Bloomsbury USA)
• Deflowered: My Life in Pansy Division, by Jon Ginoli (Cleis Press)
• Once You Go Back, by Douglas A. Martin (Seven Stories Press)
• The Pure Lover: A Memoir of Grief, by David Plante (Beacon Press)

Lesbian Mystery

• Command of Silence, by Paulette Callen (Spinsters Ink)
• Death of a Dying Man, by J.M. Redmann (Bold Strokes Books)
• From Hell to Breakfast, by Joan Opyr (Blue Feather Books)
• The Mirror and the Mask, by Ellen Hart (St. Martin’s/Minotaur)
• Toasted, by Josie Gordon (Bella Books)

Gay Mystery

• All Lost Things, by Josh Aterovis (P.D. Publishing)
• The Killer of Orchids, by Ralph Ashworth (State Street Press)
• Murder in the Garden District, by Greg Herren (Alyson Books)
• Straight Lies, by Rob Byrnes (Kensington Books)
• What We Remember, by Michael Thomas Ford (Kensington Books)

Lesbian Poetry

• Bird Eating Bird, by Kristin Naca (HarperCollins)
• Gospel: Poems, by Samiya Bashir (Red Bone Press)
• Names, by Marilyn Hacker (W.W. Norton)
• Stars of the Night Commute, by Ana Bozicevic (Tarpaulin Sky Press)
• Zero at the Bone, by Stacie Cassarino (New Issues Poetry & Prose)

Gay Poetry

• Breakfast with Thom Gunn, by Randall Mann (University of Chicago Press)
• The Brother Swimming Beneath Me, by Brent Goodman (Black Lawrence Press)
• The First Risk, by Charles Jensen (Lethe Press)
• Sweet Core Orchard, by Benjamin S. Grossberg (University of Tampa Press)
• What the Right Hand Knows, by Tom Healy (Four Way Books)

Lesbian Romance

• It Should Be a Crime, by Carsen Taite (Bold Strokes Books)
• No Rules of Engagement, by Tracey Richardson (Bella Books)
• The Sublime and Spirited Voyage of Original Sin, by Colette Moody (Bold Strokes Books)
• Stepping Stone, by Karin Kallmaker (Bella Books)
• Worth Every Step, by KG MacGregor (Bella Books)

Gay Romance

• Drama Queers!, by Frank Anthony Polito (Kensington Books)
• A Keen Edge, by H. Leigh Aubrey (iUniverse)
• The Rest of Our Lives, by Dan Stone (Lethe Press)
• Time After Time, by J.P. Bowie (MLR Press)
• Transgressions, by Erastes (Running Press)

Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye, Daytime

Given the topic I last blogged about and the lack of activity here in the week since, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd all been picturing me in a padded room somewhere, rocking gently back and forth as I mumbled the words to Kish's song, My Confession, over and over again.

Or perhaps you'd envisioned a suicide leap from a bridge, with my final words being a shouted curse upon the idiots who are running ABC Daytime.

The truth is much less dramatic: I've just been very busy. I wanted to write last Saturday, in particular, when I read the very ironic news that One Life to Live had just won a GLAAD Award mere days after announcing that they were writing off their gay characters for, essentially, being too gay.

I definitely wanted to write when someone had the nerve to spread rumors- which I feel were obviously meant as damage control for the network- that the guys had been let go for 'performance issues' and their personal behavior! This was in direct contrast with what had been said at the time the news broke and with the fact that both men have been pre-nominated for Daytime Emmys for said performances!

Brett Claywell responded to the rumors, saying:

"Scott and I treated each scene and each moment with the dedication and respect it deserved, and poured our hearts into those roles. Any stories to the contrary, especially this one, are malicious and offensive. Every scene that was filmed is a testament to that work ethic."

Scott Evans had something to say as well, via his Twitter account:

"Such a bummer what all of this is turning into. I will continue to respect the decision but will remain unhappy with the tactics."

What a shame that such an incredible, groundbreaking, and very beautiful story had to be marred in this way because the idiots in charge at ABC daytime let their homophobia show and then frantically tried to backtrack when the bad publicity started rolling in!

Brett and Scott are both incredible actors and they did such amazing work on One Life to Live. I have no doubt that we'll be seeing great things from both of them in the future, whereas daytime soaps are clearly doomed.

They're being controlled by these idiots who choose to ignore the future (such as viewers who like LGBT stories, who tend to be younger and could become long term viewers) to calm the fears of those who are quickly becoming the past (such as the older viewers who scream about 'immoral' characters- but just the gay ones, not the rapists and killers and hetero adulterers- on their daytime soaps and who, let's be honest, will be dying out within the next few decades anyway).

As for me, I'll stick with Kish until the end (and I'll write up their remaining episodes, including those that I've missed in the past week), but then I'm done with One Life to Live, and likely with network soaps in general, though I will probably follow Nuke (I'm very behind on them, sorry!) until As the World stops Turning in September, and I will always watch Days of Our Lives to some extent, since it's the soap I grew up with.

It's becoming clear, though, that the future of soaps isn't going to be on daytime TV. Even when talented actors and writers are telling great stories (which is very rare to begin with these days), the idiots in charge shit all over it. They've killed any chance the medium has of surviving in its present form.

I'm in Shock

I'm completely reeling from the news that One Life to Live is writing off Oliver and Kyle. Scott Evans and Brett Claywell will be off the air by mid April, according to Michael Fairman.

It makes no sense to me at all. I'm just completely stunned. If the show had been treating the characters like second class citizens, I wouldn't be as floored as I am. If ATWT wrote off Nuke, for instance, I could say "Well, they didn't know how to write for them anyway."

Kish has been so well written, though, that I'm left wondering where this decision is even coming from? The couple is popular and there is so much story still to be told with the characters.

Here's what Fairman's article says, though:

"According to the report, even though KISH has been a big success with the media and gay-advocacy groups have shown favor to One Life to Live’s efforts, the ABC Television Network says the duo failed to resonate with the mainstream audience, referencing Fish’s coming out story as one reason for tanking the ratings."

This just feels like such a slap in the face. So, blame the gays. Nice, ABC. Homophobic much?

I loved One Life to Live before Kish, but right now I'm honestly feeling like when they go, I go.

Kish Catch Up #2: With Special Guest Star, The Envelope

Today's show picked up with a brief bit of exposition for those just joining us: Kyle told Fish that the results in The Envelope he was holding would tell them once and for all if he was the father of Stacy's baby.

Fish said that he didn't understand. How had Kyle run a DNA test? He'd never asked for one. Kyle looked guilty and said that he knew that, but he'd done it anyway. Is it wrong that I'm kind of glad they're about to fight? They're both just so hot when they get angry!

Oliver was understandably furious that Kyle had stolen his DNA and run the test without his permission. I had to laugh when Kyle said "It's not like I cut you when you were sleeping!" but Fish himself wasn't amused and asked if Kyle had heard him when he'd said he didn't want to know.

Kyle: Yeah, I heard you loud and clear, Oliver. I also heard that you were so nervous and scared about being a gay parent. I know you haven't fully accepted yourself yet, so there's no way that you could accept raising this child with me. I know you, Oliver. I know that you would not be able to live with yourself if you didn't know whether or not Sierra was your daughter.

Fish claimed that he'd be perfectly fine without ever knowing, but Kyle didn't believe that and said that he didn't think Fish believed it, either.

Fish: So what? You know what, even if she is mine, I wouldn't saddle that kid with gay parents.

Kyle: What, now I'm not fit to be a father, either?

Fish: Wait a minute. Is that why you're so anxious to know? You want this baby to be mine so badly that... Do you know already? Do you know already if I'm that baby's father?

Kyle: I ran the tests, but I didn't look at the results. I figured we could do that together.

Wow, there's that internalized homophobia from Oliver again. Even when he's claiming that it's not about his sexuality, Fish can't help blurting out the hateful beliefs that are his parents' legacy to him. I really, really hope the show has Fish actually work these issues out by seeing Marty.

Kyle said that he'd thought that, whatever the truth was, they could find out together. Oliver rather brokenly said that he really wished that Kyle hadn't done this. Kyle said that it was done, so they might as well open The Envelope.

Fish changed tactics, asking if Kyle was trying to get kicked out of medical school again. He threw the whole doctor patient confidentiality thing in his face again and reminded him that Kim was going to go to the hospital board if they said anything.

Kyle said that he could live with that, that Sierra deserved to know the truth and that Oliver did as well.

Fish: So now you know what's best for me?

Kyle: Yeah, in this case I do! And I don't care if it pisses you off, I'd do it again in a heartbeat! Oliver, this is right thing to do. And underneath all of this, you know that.

Fish stuck to his guns, asking if Kyle had permission to test the baby's DNA. Kyle pointed out that he worked at the hospital and Oliver asked if he hadn't been fired from the lab last year for running an unauthorized test for Jared and Natalie. Kyle corrected him, saying that he'd been fired for blackmailing them with the test results, not for running the test. Oliver reminded him that he'd almost gone to prison.

Oliver really is terrified out of his mind! Poor Kyle's shady past certainly has given Fish enough ammunition to throw his way as a distraction.

Kyle admitted to breaking the rules, but Fish told him that he'd broken the law and that, as a cop, Oliver couldn't have knowledge of crime and do nothing. He could arrest Kyle for this.

Kyle said that Oliver could be a father, and to him that was more important than any little rules he may have broken.

Fish told Kyle that he'd gone against his wishes and made him an accessory (Kyle: "To grand theft water bottle!" Love it!). Why? Oliver asked.

Kyle: 'Cause I love you. 'Cause I know that sooner or later, you'd regret this. 'Cause I know that it would kill you to stand back and let someone else raise a baby that's your own flesh and blood. A baby that's part of you, a baby that can make you feel like you have a right to be a father. You have that right, Oliver.

The way Kyle's voice broke during the first sentence and the way the entire piece of dialogue was filled with such heartfelt emotion had me feeling just a bit misty eyed myself. Brett Claywell and Scott Evans have both been knocking it out of the park these past two episodes!

Fish told Kyle that if he wanted to know the truth, he was on his own. He grabbed his coat and left Kyle alone, a devastated look on his face.

Oliver headed for the hospital, where he arrived just in time to break up a near fist fight between Schuyler and Rex. Fish asked Rex what it had been about and Rex filled him in on Gigi deciding to get custody of the baby and how Schuyler claimed to love the baby he'd known was his but denied for months.

The next scene was a heart wrenching one of Oliver staring in the nursery window at baby Sierra. The look on his face... damn. How could you not want to just wrap your arms around Oliver and tell him everything was going to be all right?! Scott Evans put a lot into that non-verbal moment, and I think it was a big turning point for Fish.

After looking in on Sierra, Oliver returned to Kyle's motel room, where his boyfriend was sitting on the floor, The Envelope still unopened.

Kyle (speaking in a very subdued voice): I'm sorry, Oliver. I never should have interfered. This is your decision to make and yours alone. I'm gonna respect that.

Oliver: Thanks.

Kyle: You got here just in time. I was just about to tear this up, but why don't we do one better? Let's burn it.

Kyle was just about to apply the lit match to The Envelope when Fish stopped him, as we all knew he would since clearly no Envelopes were harmed during the filming of this episode.

These were fantastic scenes. The tension between the guys was very well done. Now, let's open that damn Envelope already!

Kish Catch Up #1: The Results Are In....

I got a bit behind on the soaps, but as of tonight I'm all caught up on One Life to Live. Last Friday and today were both Kish episodes. This post is about Friday's show.

It started with Kim showing up at Kyle's motel room with a houseplant, noting that you don't go visiting empty handed. Beware of strippers bearing gifts, Kyle! FYI, earlier in the week, Kim had decided to honor Stacy by fighting for custody of Sierra Rose.

Since no judge in their right mind would award custody to a broke former stripper who was no blood relation to the baby, she enlisted her billionaire boss/potential Sugar Daddy Clint Buchanan in her plans, proposing marriage to him. Clint accepted the proposal and agreed to help her get custody. At the same time, Gigi has decided that Schuyler would be an unfit father and is going to be pursuing custody of her niece herself.

Kyle and Fish, who was just covering up that yummy hairy chest with a shirt (boo!) when Kim arrived, were no doubt surprised not only by the visit, but by Kim's subsequent thank you to Oliver for everything he did up on the mountain.

Ms. Andrews also assured them that Sierra Rose was going to be just fine. When Kyle asked what she meant, Kim told them that she was about to become Mrs. Clint Buchanan and that she and Clint were going to raise Sierra together.

Kyle asked Kim why she would want the baby in the first place and she told him that Stacy had wanted her to raise Sierra. Fish pointed out that Stacy had named Schuyler as guardian in her will, but Kim brushed that aside with a half truth, saying that Stacy had only done that to get Schuyler off her back. Kim declared that she and Clint would make sure that Sierra had everything, and Kyle responded with "Not if we have anything to say about it!"

Kim told the guys that where the baby lived had nothing to do with them, but Kyle reminded her that Fish could be the child's father.

Kim: Again with that! Schuyler is the dad!

Fish: I know! (shoots Kyle a 'cut it out!' look)

Kim: Well, would you tell your boyfriend then?

Kyle: Then why don't you prove it?

Kim: Excuse me?

Kyle: It's just a simple blood test.

Kim: How does this have anything to do with you?

Kyle: Because Oliver is the real father and you know it! That's why you're here, Kim.

Kim claimed that she'd come over just to be nice, but Kyle wasn't buying it and said that she was trying to shut them up because once it came out that Oliver was the father, she'd have no rights to Sierra.

Kim headed for the door, saying she didn't have to listen to Kyle.

Kyle: Do you really think Oliver is going to give up his own child?!

Kim: I think if you want to finish med school, you'll keep your mouth shut. And any information you think you have came from violating a doctor patient confidentiality. You come after me and Sierra and I will crush you like a cockroach.

Kim's parting shot was that Kish was off the guest list for the wedding. You know what that means, no catching of the bouquet for our guys.

I love Kim. Sure, she's playing the bad guy here, but she's at least got good intentions towards Stacy's baby. Plus, it's just really fun to watch her be such a total bitch!

I also love that Kyle is so fierce about all of this. Once again, it was Kyle who was fighting for Sierra while Oliver stood by, barely saying a word. He's clearly still completely terrified at the thought of being a father. After Kim left, he was literally standing there with his mouth open, looking dazed.

Once she was gone, Kyle asked Fish if he could believe what they'd just heard. Oliver thought that Kim was just trying to do right by her friend and that one way or the other, Sierra would win. How was that? Kyle asked. Fish explained that she'd either be raised by Schuyler and Gigi, or by Clint and Kim.

Kyle asked if Fish could really picture Kim raising a baby, and Oliver said that she'd have plenty of help and that Sierra would be a Buchanan and have everything she'd need.

Kyle: Yeah, except for two parents who love her.

Fish: You don't know that. Kim might surprise you.

Kyle: Yeah, and you're really willing to take that chance?

Fish: Yeah, well, it's not my decision

Kyle: Unless it is. Oliver you could be a great father! Being gay-

Fish: -Isn't the issue! Really, Kyle, this is not a gay thing.

Kyle: Oh, then it's a coward thing.

Wow, Kyle really went there. Fish looked so stunned and hurt. While it kind of needed to be said, especially since Oliver is trying so hard to convince himself that his feelings aren't related to his sexuality, it was still pretty harsh.

Fish started to leave, saying that he had to go to work. Kyle said he didn't have to go and Oliver said he couldn't stay there.

Kyle: Oliver-

Fish: Listen, if I need someone to tell me I'm half a man, I can call my Dad!

Kyle: I'm sorry! Okay, I'm sorry. It was a cheap shot. You're the bravest person I know.

Fish: Later.

Kyle: You know the definition of a hero? Somebody who is terrified but moves forward anyway.

Fish: I'm not a hero.

Kyle: Yes you are! You save lives, Oliver! And I get it, it's terrifying, you're going to have a kid-

Fish: No, I'm not even scared!

Kyle: I can only imagine.

Fish: And Sierra isn't my daughter.

Kyle: Maybe, but Kim obviously thinks it's true, and I got a feeling you think it's true, too.

Kyle picked up an official looking envelope from the coffee table and suggested that they find out for sure, once and for all.

Fish asked what the envelope was, and Kyle told him that it was something he wasn't going to be happy about. Fish told Kyle to tell him what it was and Kyle explained that he'd had a DNA test done and the answer was right there in the envelope.

I liked that Kyle didn't open the envelope himself. The sneaking around to arrange the test was part of that whole shades of gray thing he has going on, but it would have been too much of a betrayal for him to have found out the truth without letting Oliver in on what he'd done first.

Talk about a Friday cliffhanger, though! I'm glad I was behind and didn't have to wait all weekend to see what happened next.

It Takes A Village

I was just reading on AfterElton that the incredibly talented, sexy, and openly gay Broadway star Cheyenne Jackson has been cast in a comedy pilot for ABC.

He's been very funny playing a recurring character on 30 Rock this season, but this new show sounds like it has much more potential for him to shine. The title is It Takes A Village and it's about a divorced couple raising their fifteen year old son with the help of their new significant others.

Cheyenne would be playing the boyfriend of the newly out father, who in turn will be played by James Patrick Stuart.

What a hot couple they'll make!















Let's just hope that it gets picked up and that the writing for the show is strong. It could be a really fantastic, funny look at a 21st century family. Plus, I'd root for anything that keeps Cheyenne Jackson on my TV screen on a weekly basis, and in a gay role no less!

Brief Thoughts on the Oscars

The Oscars were on tonight, and for the first time ever I really didn't have anyone to root for since I hadn't seen a single one of the nominated performances. It made for a completely different experience, I have to say.

Over the last few years, especially, there have been nominees I've felt very strongly should win, and the entire night was colored by whether or not they took home the little statue. Last year, for instance, was especially awesome because of Dustin Lance Black's win and incredible acceptance speech.

This year, I really didn't care. It would have been nice to see Colin Firth win for A Single Man, true, and the clip they showed looked really good. But overall, I just felt like a detached spectator.

Despite that, I completely loved the opening! It was a fantastic surprise to suddenly see Neil Patrick Harris come out and start singing! He was wonderful as the host of the Tonys and the Emmys last year, so it makes perfect sense that the Oscars didn't want to miss out on the NPH action, either.

It was the best moment of the show, I have to say. The song was cute and Neil, of course, was hot. I love that he's getting so much recognition for his talent these days.

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were amusing hosts (except for that hotel room bit before the horror movie montage; what the heck was that?), but I hope next year they'll just hire NPH to do the whole thing.

I'm very glad that a woman won best director, just because it was pretty ridiculous that the winners up to this point have all been (white) men, but other than that I really don't have much to say about any of the awards.

I did think it was sad that they didn't honor Lauren Bacall during the televised ceremony, by the way. Yes, a twenty minute tribute to John Hughes was nice (I listed The Breakfast Club as my favorite film for years), but they could have trimmed it down by five minutes to allow a Hollywood legend her moment.

It was nice of the show to provide eye candy for the tween crowd with Zac Efron (who, I must admit, I finally saw the appeal of when I watched 17 Again. He's beautiful, has a fantastic body, and great comedic timing) and the inexplicable Taylor Lautner (I was especially perplexed as to his appeal when they showed the footage from New Moon during the Horror Montage and he had that ridiculous looking long hair. Seriously?) but I'd still take Matt Damon over them any day of the week! He was achingly beautiful in Good Will Hunting, a full twelve years ago, and he's still got it.

Well, that's about it. Hopefully I'll see more films this year so I can get more into the spirit of things for next year's show.

We're Gonna Smurf a Party!

Nothing can take me back to my childhood as quickly as thinking about the cartoons I loved to watch as a kid. Just about every Saturday morning and every afternoon when we got home from school, my little sister and I could be found watching various animated shows.

A few months ago, I was at work and something- I have no idea what- reminded me of the theme song from Duck Tales. For the rest of the day, I walked around humming lines like "You might solve a mystery, or rewrite history, Duck Tales! Woo oooh!" and "Bouncing here and there and everywhere, they are the Gummi bears!" (thinking of one show having inevitably lead to another).

I think one of the cartoons I most loved as a kid, though, was The Smurfs. I haven't seen an episode in years, but I bet I could still list the plots of several of them, I saw them all so often. My best friend and I would even say "We're gonna smurf a party!" (a line taken, if I'm remembering right, from one of those mid 80's holiday TV movies starring the little blue creatures) whenever we were given permission to sleep over at each other's houses on the weekend.

I heard a few months ago that they were going to be doing a feature film version of the show, but I really didn't give it much thought beyond a moment of surprise that The Smurfs were still considered to be commercial enough to get that kind of attention.

Now they've cast Neil Patrick Harris, of all people, as a live action character (the movie is to be mixed animation and live action) in the film, and I feel as though the seven year old me and the present day me have somehow managed to come together in some kind of strange time paradox!

Thinking about this has made me so nostalgic for all those old shows and for those Saturday mornings when we'd camp out in front of the TV with our cereal and spend an hour or two lost in the magic of other worlds.

I probably wouldn't have even considered seeing the film version without NPH in it, but now that it's officially on my radar, I really hope they don't mess it up!

"We're here; we're queer; we read."

There's a new place online for LGBT book lovers, and as soon as I read about it on Towleroad I could tell that it was going to be one of my favorite sites. Lambda Literary is a new webzine that will, in their own words:

"...aggregate the best links from LGBTQ and mainstream book news websites and newspapers, feature provocative interviews, under-reported stories, and thoughtful, of-the-moment book reviews and nurture a social community that comments, critiques, links back, twitters, blogs, and interacts both online and in person."

That sounds completely awesome and I'm only surprised that it hasn't really been done before now!

Nicola Griffith, a board member of the Lambda Literary Foundation, expanded on the idea behind the new site:

"We're here; we're queer; we read. And on March 1st, we'll be even more visible to the world and to each other. We're a community that loves books. We need books. All kinds of books: yaoi and high lit, graphic novels and celebrity tell-alls, heart-wrenching memoir and YA fantasy. We read to save our lives. We write, we edit. We publish, distribute, review, sell, advertise, lend, and buy. And Lambda Literary will now be home for the whole of the brilliantly diverse community that creates and supports our literature."

I'm hooked already! Book reviews! I don't think I've ever read a book review of a gay themed book, unless it was a very mainstream one or had won an award.

The news about upcoming books will be invaluable, too, since as I noted a few months back, the bookstore I work in is carrying fewer and fewer gay and lesbian fiction titles, which makes it harder to discover works by new authors.

Julianne Moore Goes Back to her Roots

I've been a big fan of Julianne Moore ever since I saw her in two films, Short Cuts and Cookie's Fortune, by one of my favorite directors, the late Robert Altman. Her work in Far From Heaven and The Hours just impressed me even more.

I knew, of course, that she'd had her start on As The World Turns in the duel roles of Frannie and Sabrina Hughes and that she'd been a fan favorite there. I've even seen some of her work on the show on YouTube.

I never imagined, though, that I'd be seeing Julianne actually return to the show! True, it's just for one episode, and it's not like she hasn't been doing TV recently anyway, what with her recent guest stint on 30 Rock.

Still, it's a nice tribute to longtime fans of the show. Now, if they could just get Meg Ryan to return to her role of Besty as well, what a send off that would be for the soap!