Aaron's Story: The Truth Shall Set You Free

Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale continues to pack an emotional punch and I'm loving every second of it. When I last wrote about Aaron, he'd returned home from the hospital and was being watched every moment of the day by his mother and Paddy, but his friendship with Adam had grown stronger than ever.

Aaron tenuously started to resume his daily life after a walk with his dog lead him by the garage and he was invited in for a drink by Cain. I loved the way Danny Miller played this particular scene, the hesitation on Aaron's part to enter the place where he'd tried to kill himself and also the underlying fear that he was going to be treated differently by his co-workers. His relief when Cain treated him exactly as he always had was almost palpable and by the end of the visit Aaron had agreed to return to work the next day.

There was still the not so little matter of the charges pending against Aaron for assaulting Jackson, though. Aaron himself seemed resigned to whatever punishment came his way and even refused to go with Paddy to meet with his solicitor.

Paddy returned with the news that Aaron was looking at six months in prison because his attack on Jackson was being viewed as a hate crime. If, however, Aaron told the court the truth about himself and what he was going through, he'd likely only get community service.

Paddy and Chastity both begged Aaron to admit the truth, but Aaron remained adamant that he was going to stay silent and take his punishment. When Aaron wouldn't listen to them, a desperate Paddy went to see Adam to fill him in and ask his help in convincing Aaron to open up about his sexuality to avoid time in prison.

Adam tracked down Jackson on a work site to ask him to withdraw his statement against Aaron, but Jackson refused. He softened a bit, though, when Adam revealed that Aaron had attempted to kill himself. Against his better judgement, he even let Adam talk him into going with him to see Aaron.

It wasn't exactly a harmonious meeting. Jackson told Aaron that things weren't all right between them, but that he didn't want to see Aaron go to prison.

Aaron: Oh, so why did you go to the police and tell them what I did?

Jackson: Well, you decked me so what did you expect?

Aaron: Well why didn't you tell them the rest of the truth then?

Jackson: You know why!

Aaron: What, because you wanted to get me done for gay bashing?

Jackson: I never wanted to out you! I mean, I wish I had now. If there's a way out of this, you've got to take it.

Aaron: Yeah, well, I can't.

Jackson: Why not?

Aaron: Do you want me to spell it out for you?

Jackson: Look, I'm trying to help!

Aaron: And I don't need your help!

Jackson decided he'd had enough at this point, and when Adam tried to keep him from leaving he said that if Aaron would rather go to prison than admit to being gay, he deserved what he got.

Adam sadly told Aaron that he'd just realized the truth: Aaron wanted to be punished because he couldn't handle what he was, and the saddest thing was that he was going to get his wish now that he'd thrown away his last chance.

After Adam left, Aaron silently buried his face in his hands.

In the days that followed, Paddy and Chastity kept trying to convince Aaron to tell the truth and save himself while Aaron alternated between pushing them away and readying himself for his prison sentence.

Aaron told everyone that he didn't want them coming to court with him, so when the morning came he said his farewells to his assembled family at Paddy's place and departed in a taxi.

He'd convinced himself that he was strong enough to survive in prison, but had his eyes opened before he even got in the taxi when his Aunt Lisa (who recently did some prison time herself) told him that they weren't going to allow him to take his ipod in with him, since it could be used as a weapon, and that even if they did let him, someone would steal if from him within minutes. Aaron tried to play the tough guy and said that no one would be messing with him, but his Uncle Zak advised him that he had to keep his head down and not draw any attention to himself if he wanted to make it through this.

Paddy put an end to the prison talk, reminding them all that he'd not even been sentenced yet. As Aaron was getting in the car, he noticed Adam watching sadly nearby and the two shared a nod. Once in the Taxi, the brave face Aaron had been putting on dissolved as tears began to spill down his cheeks. I have to say that Danny Miller cries better than any actor I've ever seen. You'd think with all his tears lately I'd be used to it, but every time he cries he manages to make it seem so raw and emotional that it feels like a punch to the stomach. You just want to wrap your arms around him, not that Aaron would ever let you, and tell him everything is going to be okay!

At the courthouse, Aaron's solicitor (and here's a nice little tie in to gay characters past, by the way: the solicitor was played by Scott Neal, the actor who played Ste in my very favorite gay themed movie, Beautiful Thing!) made one last attempt to get Aaron to see sense about his plea, but Aaron was still set on remaining silent.

Aaron looked so small and alone as he ascended into the dock to face the magistrate. Before the hearing actually began, though, Chastity called out Aaron's name and he turned to find Paddy, Chastity, Cain, Zak, Lisa, and Adam all there for him, in spite of his insistence that no one come. Instead of being angry, his eyes filled with tears and he nodded gratefully at them all. I loved how Danny Miller was able to convey, without saying a word, that their presence meant everything to Aaron!

The charges were read and Aaron was asked for his plea. Before he could answer, the door opened and Jackson walked in and took a seat up in the gallery, behind Aaron's family. The two of them shared a long look before Aaron plead guilty.

The prosecutor (or whatever they're called in the British court system) laid out the case that Aaron had targeted and attacked Jackson simply for being gay. Paddy and Chastity both had little outbursts up in the gallery (which the magistrate didn't seem to mind too much, merely shooting them a rather withering look; in an American court there would surely have been a lot of gavel banging and threats of contempt!) urging Aaron and/or Jackson to speak up.

They both remained quiet, though. The magistrate told Aaron that this was a clear cut case of a homophobic attack and that such a thing could not be tolerated. Aaron, his eyes red with tears, mumbled that it wasn't like that, and the magistrate ordered him to speak up if there was something he wanted to say.

Aaron: I can't. I can't say it. (Aaron turns to look at Jackson). I didn't target him. He came to see me.

Aaron's solicitor requested a recess called so that he could discuss all of this with Aaron before he spoke any further, but Aaron stopped him, saying that he'd already messed his life up this badly, so he might as well finish the job.

Aaron: He came to see me because he thought we were mates. He was in the pub, with my friends and my family, it just freaked me out. I needed to shut him up, so I hit him. But it wasn't like what you said. It wasn't because of what he was. Or what he is. I swear I didn't do it because he's gay.

I did it because I am.

I'm gay.

Needless to say, this was an intense moment for Aaron and I can't stress how beautifully done these scenes were. How many ways can I possibly find to say that Danny Miller is incredibly talented? There surely aren't enough words in the English language. Please, watch these scenes here if you haven't already!

Up in the gallery, Paddy, Chastity, and Adam all looked incredibly relieved and proud of Aaron, while Zak and Lisa looked dumbfounded by this piece of news. The magistrate asked Aaron to continue.

Aaron (crying): I didn't want to hurt him. I just... I just thought that he was gonna blurt it out. I thought that's what they did. They made you tell everyone, and if you didn't then they'd do it for you. But he was different. He was all right. I wanted to see him. But then when I did, I couldn't handle it. What I was thinking. About him. About me. I hit him. And I'm sorry.

The magistrate called for a ten minute recess. Out in the hall, Zak and Lisa questioned Cain about how long he'd known, while Chastity told Aaron how proud they were of him. Aaron, though, was wondering what his Uncle Cain and Uncle Zak were thinking about him. Paddy, meanwhile, had gone to look for Jackson but came back to report to Aaron that he'd gone. Aaron's solicitor warned him and Chastity that Aaron's last minute confession may have been too little, too late as far as sentencing was concerned.

Back in court, the Magistrate told Aaron that the attack was clearly a violent one, but that his genuine remorse and his admission, which had taken strength and courage, had convinced her that a prison sentence was not in his best interest. She sentenced him to 150 hours of community service instead.

The entire clan returned to Paddy's, but Aaron remained outside with Adam, not wanting to face a family gathering after his very public coming out. Inside, Zak was trying to make some sense of the news and asked Paddy if Aaron dating Holly had been all for show.

Paddy told Zak that Aaron had been trying to work things out in his head then and Zak said the boy must have had some idea, since you don't go 'that way' over night. Paddy told him that Aaron had been fighting his sexuality for years.

Lisa asked if Jackson was Aaron's boyfriend and Chastity chimed in, telling them all that Aaron hadn't had a boyfriend yet. Zak took this as evidence that Aaron couldn't know if he was really gay, then, because not having tried it he might find that he didn't like it!

Cain asked Zak if he'd ever looked at another guy and fancied him and when Zak told him to watch his mouth, Cain said that they could bet that Aaron had. This seemed to get through to Zak, at least a bit. Cain told Paddy to tell Aaron that he was expecting him at work the next day as usual. One thing they all agreed on: they'd protect their own, no matter what.

Adam and Aaron, meanwhile, had gone for a walk and Adam asked what had changed his mind about telling the truth. Was it Jackson? Aaron admitted that maybe it was, but also noted that Jackson hadn't stuck around afterward. He told Adam that he'd texted him to apologize and say that it would be cool if he wanted to go for a drink sometime.

Aaron said that he thought Jackson had only shown up to make sure he'd gone to prison, though, and Adam told him to get over Jackson and move on if that was the case.

Aaron admitted that he was worried that everyone was going to be acting differently towards him now.

Aaron: I just hate people knowing.

Adam: Well, they do, so get over it! Look, mate, I'm not going to lie to you. It's big news now. But it's not going to be for long, all right? At least it's over now. You've done it.

Aaron: And what if I've made the biggest mistake of my life?

Adam: Come on.

With that, Adam put his arm around Aaron and they walked off together. Can I just say, once again, how much I love the friendship between these two? It's really something special. I'm still trying to find good screencaps of the two of them together. This one is from last winter.

The next day, Aaron called in sick to work and spent the day lying on the sofa, staring into space while all around the village, people were discussing the banner front page headline to be found above a large photo of Aaron in the local paper: 'Hoodie Comes Out Of the Closet'.

At the garage, Ryan was trying to get his head around the fact that Aaron was gay, but really only seemed surprised, not truly bothered by it. When Chastity came by and showed them the paper, Ryan assured her that he and Cain were both 'cool with it'.

Chastity took the paper to Paddy's, where against Paddy's wishes she showed it to Aaron, feeling that he had to know what everyone was reading. Aaron was far from pleased, but a bit later, after he'd had a shower, he came back down and told Paddy and Chastity that he was going back to work the next day. He seemed much more at peace with himself than he's been in a very long time.

Aaron: It's out of my hands. I can't change anything. This is the way its got to be from now on, whether I like it or not.

Well, Aaron is officially out. I think he's got a long way to go before he's truly okay with who he is, of course. Will he find someone special to help him with that? I for one can't wait to find out.

Aaron's Story: Catching Up, Part 2

This is part two of my post catching up with Aaron's story on Emmerdale. Scroll down for the first part!

Aaron's attempted suicide and the immediate aftermath were very emotional scenes, as were the ones in the following episode at the hospital, where Chastity and Paddy lashed out at each other while Aaron lay in a coma. While Aaron's family and the rest of the village wondered why on Earth Aaron would try to kill himself, Chastity admitted the truth to her brother Cain in a very telling conversation:

Cain: I can help if you tell me what happened. Has it got something to do with that bloke that he beat up? I told him he did the right thing, I would have done the exactly the same. He didn't want someone like that touching him up.

Chastity silently gave Cain a look that left realization dawning over him.

Cain: No!

Chastity: You can't say a word.

Cain: Oh, no! Not Aaron.

Chastity: That is exactly the attitude that put him in here!

Cain: Gay?

Chastity: You got a problem with that?

Cain: (unconvincingly) No.

Chastity: Well no wonder he didn't want to tell anybody if this is how his Uncle reacts! He looks up to you, and you tell him it's okay to hate gays?

Cain: How was I supposed to know?

I think this scene made a very important point, that people's often thoughtless displays of bigotry could potentially be destroying those around them whom they love and would never consciously hurt. Cain is certainly not an open minded character, but maybe watching this scene made someone realize that the joke they told or laughed at the other day could be sending a very painful message to someone close to them.

Aaron came out of his coma without any brain damage, but he wasn't exactly thrilled to find his family hovering over him, especially his mother. When Chastity told him that she knew he was gay and it didn't matter to her, tears rolled down his cheeks as he said that it mattered to him.

Once he was alone with Paddy, who'd just finished telling him how many people loved him, Aaron admitted that he still wished he were dead. When Chastity heard this, she tried to get Aaron to agree to talk to a psychiatrist, like the hospital wanted him to do before they released him. When Aaron asked her to leave, saying that he didn't want her there any more, Chastity lashed out at him for his selfishness, for having tried to kill himself without giving a thought to what it would do to her or to Paddy.

When Aaron asked her to stop, Chastity quickly apologized and told him that he could only make her this angry because of how much she loved him. She also told him that at 18 he knew nothing about life and that he was way too young to be giving up. Chastity admitted that she was to blame for a lot in his life, but said that it wasn't her fault that he was gay and he should just deal with it, since no one else was going to. Aaron shed a few silent tears during this scene and Chastity seemed to have actually made an impact.

Aaron's understandably gloomy stay in the hospital did have one bright moment, when Adam paid him a visit. They started off with a shared laugh over how crazy Chastity was driving Aaron, but things quickly got serious.

Aaron: You should have just left me there.

Adam: Don't start that.

Aaron: I mean it.

Adam: Right, if that's how you're going on, then I'm out of here. Seriously, mate, I can't handle this.

Aaron: No, please.

Adam: What?

Aaron: I don't want you to go.

Adam: I'm not going to sit here listening to you wishing you were dead, Aaron.

Aaron: Do you know what I wish? I wish that me and you could be mates again, like we used to be.

Adam: We can. We are.

Aaron: No we're not.

Adam: What are you saying? You don't want to hang around with me?

Aaron: It's just everything has changed.

Adam: Nothings changed. You still get on my nerves, you still say dumb things, and you do even dumber things, but you're still my best mate. God knows why, though!

Aaron: 'Cause you're a weirdo.

Adam: You are. At least I'm not the one who tried to kill himself, eh?

It was so good amidst all these heavy scenes to see Aaron laughing again! I love the friendship between these two now more than I ever have. I think it's really amazing that they're telling a story about a very close, solid friendship between two guys, one of whom is straight and one of whom is gay, and that even after that attempted kiss last December when Aaron misread a moment between them, Adam isn't at all uneasy around his friend. That's a pretty powerful message, if you think about it.

Aaron was released from the hospital, after attending half of a session with the psychiatrist, and Chastity and Paddy teamed up to keep an eye on him at all times once he was home, with Chastity even moving back into the house so that they could take it in shifts.

Aaron continued to try and push his mother away, though he seemed to be slowly starting to let her back in. Aaron wasn't ready to see anyone in the gossipy village just yet, but his friendship with Adam grew stronger by the day and I loved the new lightness in their interaction with each other, and that Aaron finally had someone he could just relax and be himself with. I especially loved this exchange between them, after Aaron complained that Paddy and Chastity were there every time he turned around:

Adam: They're worried about you, mate. What you did shook them up.

Aaron: Well, I wouldn't have bothered if I'd known I'd be under twenty four hour surveillance.

Adam: That your way of saying you regret it?

Aaron: You're as bad as any of them, you'll be getting me to talk about my feelings next.

Adam: Maybe if I did that in the first place, instead of acting like a prat-

Aaron: Well, you weren't to know, were you Farm Boy?

Adam: It's true though. I should have acted differently.

Aaron: What, by kissing me back?

Adam: You wish mate!

Aaron: Don't flatter yourself, pal, you're not all that.

All of this, of course, delivered with much playful laughter between the two. How awesome is that? It's an incredible message to be sending out, as I've already said, and at the same time this friendship that had been very strained since last December has become the light hearted silver lining to Aaron's story after some very dark turns. I'd love to illustrate this with some screencaps of the two of them from last week, but I haven't been able to find any yet.

What will happen next with the Jackson situation and with the rest of Aaron's family and the village as they inevitably start to find out the truth Aaron was so desperate to hide remains to be seen, but I can't wait to see it unfold. I'm such a huge fan of this incredibly well written and acted story!

By the way, the story has been nominated for some British Soap Awards. Danny Miller has been nominated for Best Dramatic Performance, while the show in which Aaron confessed his sexuality has been nominated for Best Single Episode, and the overall story of Aaron's sexuality has been nominated for Best Storyline. All very much deserved!

Dominic Brunt, who plays Paddy, was also nominated but it was for Best Comedic Performance. This nomination was not, needless to say, for Paddy's part in Aaron's story!

It's a shame that the British Soap Awards don't do Best Actor and Best Supporting actor type awards, rather than just Best Dramatic Performance and Best Comedic Performance. Dominic really did deserve his own recognition for his work here. Hopefully, the story will sweep every award it's nominated for.

Now, I hope I've made clear that I think Danny Miller is an incredible actor. With how talented he is, it honestly wouldn't matter to me a bit what he looked like, and yet I have to say that it's an added bonus that he happens to be not only very talented, but also breathtakingly hot. I'll leave you with this evidence of that:

Aaron's Story: Catching Up, Part 1

Things have been very busy for me lately, so I'd fallen behind in both watching and writing about Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale. I've finally caught up, at least through the beginning of this past week, so I'm now going to cover two week's worth of story at once. I'm going to divide this into two posts so that it's not too tediously long.

In case you're wondering, I'm also behind on this past week's LuRe episodes of As the World Turns, but my plan is to be caught up by the end of the weekend and to write about them on Sunday night.

You'll recall that when I last wrote about Aaron, he'd just had his first kiss with Jackson, only to turn around and discover that his best friend Adam had witnessed the whole thing.

Paddy was concerned the next day when Aaron, who'd left the house in a good mood the night before, suddenly went all quiet and moody again. Paddy turned to Marlon for advice on whether or not he should push Aaron to talk to him about what had happened, and Marlon suggested once again that Paddy talk to Aaron's mother about the whole situation. In the end, Paddy decided to just wait and see if Aaron's mood improved.

Meanwhile, Adam ran into Aaron's co-worker, Ryan, in the pub and heard about Aaron's bad mood for himself. Adam headed over to the garage to talk to his friend and attempted to let him know that he didn't care that Aaron was gay.

Everything he said was met with complete silence, though, when Aaron kept on working as if Adam wasn't even there. In the end, Adam walked away after telling Aaron that he was there if he wanted to talk.

Over the next days, Aaron remained more or less silent and broody, except when he was lashing out at people in the village. After witnessing one such incident, Adam took it upon himself to speak to Paddy when the veterinarian was on a working visit to his family's farm.

After nervously ascertaining that Paddy already knew about Aaron being gay, Adam filled him in on the kiss he saw between Aaron and Jackson, and that Aaron knew he'd seen and was freaked out by it.

Adam: I just wanted him to know that it's okay, that I'm his mate and I'm cool with it, you know? But he's completely shut me out.

Paddy: You can see why.

Adam: How do you mean?

Paddy: Adam, you were the one who was trying to out him when he was first going through all this!

Adam: Yeah, but that was different, all right, I was protecting Holly!

Paddy: Well, you're not protecting your sister now, are you? He goes through all that with you, and more, and then just as he's about to come to terms with it, he goes out on his first date and there you are, of all the people!

Adam: Yeah, all right, I didn't mean to.

Paddy: I know. I'm sorry. I'm not blaming you, but it's the last thing he needed.

Adam: I just wanted him to see that-

Paddy: Leave it. Please. Back off. The situation is bad enough as it is.

I really liked that Adam was making a real effort to show Aaron that he honestly didn't care about his sexuality.

The next day, Paddy told Aaron about his conversation with Adam and that they were both worried about him, but Aaron quickly shut the conversation down and stormed off. Jackson, meanwhile, kept trying to reach Aaron on his phone, but Aaron wasn't answering his calls.

Aaron was in the pub with Ryan when Adam and Scarlett came in to have a few drinks in celebration of Adam's birthday. Things seemed to be getting back on the right track when Aaron actually talked to his friend and wished him a happy birthday.

At that point, though, Jackson showed up at the pub. Adam spotted him first and choked a bit on his drink, which got Aaron's attention. Aaron quickly pulled Jackson aside to ask him what the hell he was doing there.

Jackson explained that he'd come to see if he was okay, since he wasn't answering his phone. Aaron reluctantly bought Jackson a drink but told him that he couldn't 'do this'. Jackson assured him that he'd got the message and would leave when he'd finished his drink. He was just getting up to go when Ryan joined them, though, and after they'd chatted for a bit Aaron's co-worker suggested that the three of them head out for a night on the town together.

Aaron was clearly uncomfortable with all of this, but it seemed to amuse Jackson, who really didn't seem to grasp just how desperately closeted his new love interest was. Ryan went to use the bathroom before they left and when Jackson playfully grabbed Aaron's arm to pull him up from the table, Aaron completely panicked. It wasn't a gesture anyone would even have noticed if Aaron's own reaction hadn't called attention to the two of them.

In front of the everyone in the pub Aaron loudly told Jackson to keep his hands to himself, calling him a pervert and punching him. He might have done worse if Paddy hadn't been there to hold him back and pull him out of the pub. As they left, Aaron yelled for people to stay away from Jackson: they might catch something.

Watching Aaron self destruct like that was pretty hard, even if it was completely expected given where the character is at in terms of self acceptance.

Back home, Paddy went off on Aaron, pointing out that Jackson had never done anything but show him a bit of kindness. He told Aaron that people were going to think he was a gay basher and Aaron said he preferred that to being called queer.

Before they could argue any further, the police showed up at the door and arrested Aaron for assault.

Paddy and Aaron's mother, Chastity, with whom he has a very strained relationship, picked him up at the police station after he was charged with ABH (which, being American, I had to look up: it stands for Actual Bodily Harm and is apparently the equivalent of our Aggravated Assault). Chastity was furious with Aaron for attacking someone for being gay.

Chastity: Beating Paddy half to death give you a taste of maiming people, is that it?

Paddy: Chas!

Chastity: (to Paddy) No, don't! (to Aaron) Who's next? Women? Children? Oooh, the disabled, yeah, because they'd be nice easy targets!

Aaron: You don't know nothing about me.

Chastity: So come on then, enlighten me! What's going on inside that sick head of yours?

Aaron: Shut up.

Chastity: Or what, you're going to start on me are ya? Give me a good pasting, show everyone what a big man you are? Only, that's your problem, isn't it? Because you're not really a real man, you're just a coward.

Aaron: (fighting back tears) I'm sorry.

This scene was so hard to watch. Chastity was completely clueless to the fact that she was saying the exact things to Aaron that he'd always feared hearing from her, only for very different reasons. Danny Miller's subdued reaction as Aaron, with tears building up just beneath the surface until they finally spilled over as he heard the very thing that terrified him the most, his mother saying that he wasn't a real man, was incredibly powerful.

After Chastity stormed out, Paddy told Aaron that it wasn't too late to tell his mother the truth but Aaron said that he couldn't. Paddy begged him to stop all of this before it got any worse, but Aaron just walked out the door.

Chastity, meanwhile, went home to her boyfriend in tears and told him that she'd failed her son and that after what he'd done, she wasn't even sure if she could love him anymore.

Aaron headed to work at the garage, where his Uncle Cain and Ryan were both waiting to give him a hard time about what had happened.

Cain: Stop off to join any hate groups on your way home? Heard the neo-nazis were looking for new members.

Cain asked if Aaron was going to be charged and joked that he wasn't sure if Debbie (his daughter, who owns the garage) would want anyone with a criminal record working there. Aaron's rejoinder was that Cain, with a colorful past of his own, should start looking for new work in that case.

Cain: Fighting talk that is. Thought you only saved that for your little gay friends.

Ryan: So what did he do, anyway? I mean, like, you must have known he was a bit... a bit that way.

Cain: Maybe his gaydar needed some new batteries.

Adam (walking in): Have you got a minute?

Cain: Whoa, whoa, careful. He doesn't like when boys start to crowd him.

Aaron cut Adam off with the news that he was being charged with ABH and dismissed him, saying he was busy. Adam told Aaron that he was going to need a mate one of these days, and he hoped that he had someone left when that time came.

Paddy went to see Marlon again, feeling that he'd clearly failed with Aaron. Marlon finally convinced Paddy that he couldn't carry the burden of trying to help the kid all by himself any longer, so Paddy headed for the factory where Chastity works.

Chastity was at first completely disbelieving and then very shaken by the news that Aaron was gay, and had been involved with Jackson. Paddy asked her to come by his place after work to talk about things and told her that everything with Aaron would be okay as long as they worked together.

Meanwhile, a fed up Marlon passed Aaron in the street and finally snapped, calling him out on kicking in the teeth of anyone who got too close to him. Aaron offered to give his cousin a demonstration of that, but Marlon told him that his act wasn't fooling anyone, and that he knew the truth, that Paddy had told him.

Marlon tried to convince Aaron that their family could cope with the truth, but Aaron claimed not to know what Marlon was talking about and hurried off.

When Paddy got back to his surgery after his visit to Chas Aaron was there waiting for him, having smashed the place up. Aaron's rage had already passed by the time Paddy arrived, though, and he was sitting against the wall with tears in his eyes, sounding completely numb as he spoke.

Aaron: You, of all people. I trusted you. All those things that you said to me, that you loved me.

Paddy: They're true.

Aaron: No, no they're not. If they were, you wouldn't have told Marlon. You swore to me that you didn't tell him. No one else had to know, they were your words.

Paddy: I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Please, you've got to believe me. I'm trying to help.

Aaron: What, by making everyone laugh at me?

Paddy: No one is laughing. That's all in your head.

Aaron: So who else have you told, then? (Paddy's guilty look is enough for Aaron to guess that he's told Chastity) No! No, not her as well.

Paddy told Aaron that he'd only told Chastity the truth because he cared about Aaron and couldn't watch him destroy himself.

Aaron tried to leave, saying that everyone would know now, because of Paddy. Paddy blocked the door, asking why he was afraid of a few people calling him names, but Aaron warned him that he'd better move. Paddy stepped aside, saying that maybe his mother had been right. The Aaron he knew, Paddy said, would have stayed and fought. Maybe he really was a coward.

Aaron left Paddy's surgery and headed for the garage, where Ryan was just heading out for the night and asked him to lock up. That was exactly what Aaron did, too, but he locked himself inside with a car running.

The attempted suicide scenes were very painful to watch. Danny Miller did a fantastic job of portraying Aaron's complete and utter hopelessness. In Aaron's mind, everyone would know now the truth he hated so much and there was nothing for him to live for. Watching him sitting in the car as the garage filled up with carbon monoxide fumes, it all just felt very real.

While Paddy and Chastity waited back at his place for Aaron to return, Adam showed up at the garage looking for his friend and heard the motor running inside the closed up building. Adam broke a window and was able to make out through the fumes that his best friend was inside. Cain showed up about that time, ready to kick Adam's ass for trying to break into the garage, but once he realized what was going on the two of them managed to get inside and drag the very lifeless Aaron outside.

While Adam called an ambulance and began performing CPR, Cain ran to get Paddy. With Adam trying desperately to save his best friend, Paddy standing numbly by after not being able to find a pulse, and Chastity wailing that Aaron couldn't leave her, Cain spoke aloud what they all must have realized, that it couldn't have been an accident, that Aaron had been trying to kill himself.

Aaron's Story: Big Developments

In the week or so since I last wrote about Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale, there have been some pretty big developments for the character.

If you'll recall, the last time I mentioned Aaron he'd just had an argument with Jackson, the man he'd met at the gay pub who was the first person who ever truly understood what Aaron was going through. Aaron had tearfully phoned Jackson and left a message, saying that he needed someone to talk to.

In the days after that, Aaron attempted to call Jackson again but his messages were going unanswered. Finally, Aaron returned to the pub where he'd first met Jackson and found him there having a drink with a group of friends.

It was clearly a huge step for Aaron to not only return to a gay pub in the first place, but then to actually approach Jackson in front of all his friends and ask to talk to him. Danny Miller played that scene quite well, you could practically feel Aaron's nervousness radiating off of him.

At first, Jackson was cold but he quickly relented and bought Aaron a drink. I loved the ensuing conversation between them. Aaron was still very uncomfortable being surrounded by gay guys and asked Jackson if it ever bothered him. Jackson said he had his moments, like everyone else, but joked that Aaron was different: no one had suffered like him! That, at least, brought a gorgeous and all too rare smile to Aaron's face.

Still, Aaron remained on edge. Jackson said that since he was handling being in the gay pub, he might be ready to move on to phase two, acceptance. Aaron didn't think he could handle any of his friends knowing, but Jackson pointed out that it would be a great way of finding out who his mates truly were.

When Aaron asked if Jackson wanted another drink, Jackson said no, that it was time to go home. Aaron misread the moment as Jackson asking him back to his place and nervously asked if Jackson lived far.

Jackson hastily explained that he'd meant that he had to get home because he had an early day on the job site. Poor Aaron looked like he wanted a hole to open up in the Earth and swallow him as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door with Jackson in pursuit.

Outside the club, Jackson caught up with Aaron and assured him that he wasn't trying to blow him off, that he really did just have to be up early.

Aaron: I know. I just thought....

Jackson: What? That I'm sleeping with a different guy every night? Look, I know some gay guys that are like that, and some straight ones, but I'm not one of them.

Aaron: I know, I'm sorry.

Jackson: Look, I don't sleep with anybody on the first date. That doesn't mean I don't like you. See you soon.

Fantastic scene! It made perfect sense that Aaron, who only has a very skewed, stereotypical idea of what gay guys are like in spite of being one himself, would think that Jackson would expect sex right away. It also dovetailed well with a scene earlier in the episode, where Aaron's co-worker Ryan had wondered why Aaron hadn't wanted to sleep with the hot woman he'd only just met (Briony), as if that would be the natural thing to do.

I loved the way Danny Miller played this scene with Jackson because Aaron was so completely vulnerable with him and that's a side he rarely shows anyone.

I also think that Marc Silcock is doing a fantastic job of bringing Jackson to life. I wasn't really sure about the character at first but his humor and sincerity, not to mention the twinkle in Silcock's eye, has completely won me over.

In the episodes that followed, Paddy noticed a distinct change in Aaron's attitude that provided him with some relief from his worries about the situation. Paddy and Marlon even talked about Aaron finding a 'parallel universe' in which to be open about being gay.

Paddy wasn't the only one who noticed that Aaron was suddenly in a good mood. His friends and co-workers didn't quite know what to think about this change in the moody young mechanic.

Aaron and Jackson exchanged more phone calls and agreed to meet up at the gay pub again. The two of them had a nice night of it, having drinks and playing pool. Aaron, who was still uncomfortable being around so many other gay men, remarked that everything was still new to him and he'd expected something different.

Aaron: I just mean, like you, you're not... all that....

Jackson: Homosexual?

Aaron: Well, yeah, and you're a builder.

Jackson: So? You're a mechanic.

Aaron: I know. I just thought...

Jackson: You were the only one with a man's job?

I love that they're taking the time to show Aaron coming up against all his preconceptions about gay life and having to slowly readjust his thinking.

Jackson pointed out another couple at the pub and told Aaron that they were a florist and an interior designer, if that made him feel any better!

Jackson asked if Aaron wanted to 'make a move' (as in, to another bar or club) but Aaron declined, saying that he had to get up early for work the next morning. Aaron suggested that they meet up again the next night, though, and Jackson agreed.

Paddy and Aaron had a nice scene before Aaron left for his date the next day. Paddy was asking questions about the mate that Aaron was going into town to meet and trying to let Aaron know that he wasn't interfering, that he just cared and wanted things to be all right for him.

Aaron: Fine, if you must know, I'm meeting Jackson.

Paddy: Jackson! Really? How is he? I'm really pleased for you!

Aaron: It's only a drink!

Paddy: I know, but it's great that you're moving on with your life. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone! And happy's... good! There's no harm in grabbing the horn by the.. uh.. the (awkward rambling)

I loved Paddy's earnest but bumbling attempt to show interest in Aaron's love life and I also really enjoyed Aaron's amused but slightly horrified reaction, which seemed exactly the way an 18 year old would react. The scene ended perfectly with Aaron saying that they didn't have to make a big deal out of this and Paddy agreeing and punching him on the arm, telling him to have a good night.

Most of all, I just love Paddy and Aaron's relationship. I know Paddy isn't actually Aaron's father, but he really is the sort of dad that any gay son just coming out would want.

Aaron and Jackson's date started off with some great banter, which also tellingly showed how far Aaron still has to go: when Jackson showed up late he made the comment that he was surprised that Aaron hadn't 'pulled' (i.e. been picked up, in American terms) while he was there alone. Aaron's reply was a rather disgusted "What, with this lot?" that showed his continued low opinion of gay guys in general.

Since it was Friday night, the pub was busier than it had been on Aaron's previous visits and his face continued to show his disgust at some of the people surrounding him. Still, it was a date like any other, with the guys discussing their taste in music and their plans for the future.

Later, the two of them headed outside.

Jackson: That guy was well cruising you.

Aaron: Yeah, right!

Jackson: Why not? I mean, you're not that bad looking, are you?

At that point, Jackson gave Aaron his very first kiss from another man. It looked something like this:
(pics are borrowed from Sexy Males Celeb Gallery; be warned, some of the ads there are for adult gay sites and are NOT safe for work)

As soon as they broke away from the kiss, Jackson said he'd see Aaron next week and Aaron said he'd call. Jackson walked away and Aaron turned in the other direction with this incredibly happy look on his face. What a great moment for Aaron, right?

Only, it wasn't. Aaron's best friend Adam and his girlfriend Scarlett had come into town for a night out, and when Aaron turned around he saw Adam standing there staring at him, having witnessed the kiss! Aaron turned and quickly fled in another direction.

The good thing about this story is that they've shown quite clearly that even though Aaron is happy to be seeing Jackson, he's still nowhere near comfortable with his sexuality, so the bad reaction I fear he's going to have to Adam finding out the truth is going to make perfect sense story wise.

This continues to be an incredibly well told story and Danny Miller deserves every possible award they give to British soap stars for his portrayal of Aaron.

Aaron's Story: Breakthrough?

I continue to be incredibly impressed with Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale, and especially with Danny Miller, the actor who plays Aaron Livesy.

During the week or so since I last wrote about this story, Aaron attempted to overcome his sexuality once more by showing a renewed interest in his ex-girlfriend Victoria, but when she began to show signs of reciprocating, Aaron backed off.

The one time that Aaron had ventured into that gay pub in the nearby town he'd met Jackson, a guy who'd not only caught his attention, but who'd also seemed interested in Aaron. When Aaron ran out of the pub, he left his phone behind and Jackson ended up returning it to Paddy, thereby inadvertently setting off the chain of events that lead to Paddy thinking Aaron was dealing drugs and, ultimately, to finding out he was gay.

This week, Jackson showed up at the garage where Aaron works, explaining that he was doing a job nearby (he's got his own construction business). Aaron was too nervous to be seen talking with Jackson in the village, but he agreed to meet him for a drink in town later. In the end, though, Aaron stood Jackson up to hang out with Victoria instead.
That brings us up to yesterday's emotionally charged episodes. They started off with Aaron's best friend, Adam, inviting him for a 'lads only' night out at the pub. Aaron agreed (and I loved the quick glance he gave Adam a he was walking away; even though Aaron knows nothing will ever happen between the two of them, I think he still has some pretty strong feelings for his best friend), but in the end Adam's girlfriend Scarlett crashed their evening with a female friend in tow who was very interested in our Mr. Livesy.

In fact, it turned in to an uncomfortable evening for Aaron all around as he tried to ignore the blatant flirtations of Briony, only to have Adam wonder why he wasn't going for a woman whom 'any guy' would want. To top it all off, Jackson showed up at the pub with another guy.
Aaron pulled Jackson outside to ask what he was doing there, and Jackson explained that he was just having a drink with a co-worker. Aaron was too nervous to even be seen talking with Jackson and went back inside, where Paddy soon arrived and noticed Aaron's predicament.

In the end, Aaron took Briony back to his place, but she soon picked up on the fact that he wasn't all that interested and stormed off. She'd barely gone before Jackson knocked on the door, explaining that he'd been on his way to the bus stop and had seen her leave.
Jackson told Aaron that he just didn't get him- he was sending out all these signals, and yet he'd brought home a woman. What was his problem? Aaron asked what Jackson wanted him to say and Jackson told him to be honest- did he want Jackson to stay or to go?

Aaron: Yeah, because it's that easy.

Jackson: It's easier than thinking that no one can like you, or help you.

Aaron: I don't need any help.
Jackson: That's what I was like before I told anybody! I mean, I was just sick all the time, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was that scared that I could get found out at any minute!

Aaron: What?

Jackson: Even telling some of my friends, and my mum and dad, I thought 'if they found out tomorrow, they're not going to want anything to do with me'. It just makes your life sad and it kills you.
Aaron: What happened? When you told them?

Jackson: Nothing. They just want me to be happy. Because you can be.

I loved Aaron's reaction during this conversation so much. He started off as defensive as ever, pushing Jackson away, but then his body language completely changed as he realized that this was someone who understood exactly what he was going through. As Jackson talked, the two began to slowly move closer, inching towards their first kiss.
Meanwhile, there are only a few people who know that Aaron was the person who beat up Paddy, and one of them is Paddy's best friend Marlon (who also happens to be a cousin of Aaron's mother; like I said, it's a small village!). Marlon has been deeply worried for his friend and confused as to why Paddy continues to not only let Aaron live with him, but also to cover up what he did.

When Paddy saw Aaron leave the pub with Briony, he became visibly upset and Marlon misread his worry over Aaron as Paddy being afraid of Aaron. Marlon tried to confront Paddy about the situation once again and wouldn't drop it. Paddy headed for home, with Marlon in hot pursuit, and the two walked in just in time to interrupt what would have been a hot kiss between Jackson and Aaron.

Paddy was mortified at having come in at the wrong time and tried to get Marlon to leave with him, but Marlon once again misread the situation and thought Paddy was acting 'like a battered wife' who was afraid to get in Aaron's way.

Jackson ended up walking out when Aaron wouldn't tell Marlon who he was, and I loved that Paddy urged Aaron to go after him and that Aaron actually listened. Aaron caught up with Jackson and apologized, saying that things were just coming a bit 'too close to home'. Jackson corrected him, telling him that he meant things were becoming a bit too real.

When the guys spotted Adam walking towards them, Jackson told Aaron that he wouldn't stay around and embarrass him and this time Aaron let him walk away.

Paddy, meanwhile, told Marlon that he had to back off and that if he didn't, they couldn't be friends any more. Marlon left, but later that night Paddy showed up at his door, apologizing and telling him that he needed someone to talk to.

Paddy explained that he'd given Aaron his word, but that he didn't know what to do and was so worried that he couldn't sleep at night. He explained to Marlon that he wasn't afraid of Aaron, but afraid for him.

Marlon was stunned when Paddy told him that Aaron was gay, saying that if it was anyone other than Aaron, he could believe it more easily. Marlon told his friend that Aaron's sexuality was no excuse for what he'd done to Paddy, though, pointing out that they knew other gay guys who didn't behave that way.

Paddy broke my heart when he summed up Aaron perfectly, telling Marlon how much Aaron hated himself for being gay and pointing out to Marlon that the boy had never had anyone to love him and that the reason he pushed away everyone who tried was because he was testing their limits. Aaron was convinced, Paddy said, that being gay was the thing that would make him lose everyone just when he was starting to believe that he could be loved.

Marlon thought that they should tell Aaron's mother, Chastity, and that together they could talk the rest of the family around (including their Uncle Zak, the head of the family, who isn't likely to be supportive) and show Aaron that he was accepted, but Paddy told Marlon they couldn't say anything or Aaron would never trust him again.

Later, Aaron returned home and confronted Paddy about whether or not Marlon had figured out the truth from what they'd walked in on that evening. Paddy insisted that he hadn't, but Aaron didn't believe him and smashed a vase while saying that this was exactly what he never wanted, people looking at him like he was pervert, like someone who would "do that with other men".

Dominic Brunt, who plays Paddy, was great in this scene as he was able to convey through body language that Paddy was obviously scared, especially when Aaron got right in his face, but was at the same time determined to trust that Aaron wasn't going to hurt him again.

Aaron demanded to know who Marlon was going to tell- his mother? his uncle Cain?- and said that they'd think he was sick and want nothing more to do with him. Aaron broke down (and broke my heart) as he tearfully asked Paddy what he was going to do.

Paddy told him that he had to be honest with his mother, that he thought she'd support him, but when Aaron said that he couldn't, Paddy said that he didn't know what to do, that he'd tried everything he could and it just seemed to make things worse. Only Aaron could decide what to do now.

The final scene had me in tears myself as Aaron, unsuccessfully fighting back tears of his own, and having difficulty speaking, called Jackson's phone and left him a message, apologizing for what had happened and saying that no one else gets what he's going through except for Jackson and that he really needs someone to talk to.

Fantastic scenes! Danny Miller just completely blows me away, but Dominic Brunt has also been amazing in this story. I love Paddy and Aaron's relationship, and I love that Aaron finally seems to be realizing that he doesn't want to even pretend to be interested in women anymore and is struggling to reach out for someone to talk to.

As great as the emotional final scenes were, I think I was actually more impressed with Danny's work in the earlier scene with Jackson, where you could see Aaron visibly realizing for the first time in his life that he wasn't alone, that someone really did understand. A truly great actor can convey so much without saying a word, and we really saw that demonstrated during that scene.

Getting My Gay Soap Fix

Since the news broke that One Life to Live was ditching Kish, I haven't watched a single episode of an American soap. I fully intend to watch the remaining episodes of the Kish and Nuke storylines, and the shows are beginning to fill up my Tivo in a way that will demand action sooner rather than later.

The truth is, though, that I just haven't had the slightest desire to press the play button so far. I'm so incredibly disgusted with the people who are running daytime (into the ground), and I just can't bring myself to care enough at the moment to tune in.

I've always been a fan of the soap genre, though, and that will never change. In the future, I'll just be seeking them out from somewhere other than network TV. Lately I've been getting my fix from outside the United States, in fact.

There's nothing new in that, of course. I've written before about my love of Christian and Olli on the German soap Verbotene Liebe. I'm not sure if I ever wrote about the fact that I was a huge fan of the gay storyline that the British soap Hollyoaks did a few years ago, with John Paul McQueen and Craig Dean (dubbed McDean by their fans). It was a very well told story.

After the guys broke up and Craig left town, there was John Paul and Kieron, the hot gay priest who (eventually) gave up his collar to be with John Paul, only to then die tragically, in scenes that were very painful to watch, just in time for John Paul and Craig to reunite and ride off into the sunset together (yay for a McDean reunion, boo for killing off Kieron instead of keeping him around and giving him a new love interest!)

I've seen gay stories on other British soaps (Eastenders, Emmerdale, and Coronation Street) but so far nothing else had even come close to McDean.

That is, until Aaron Livesy's story began on Emmerdale. Now, I'm not saying that Aaron's story surpasses McDean, so if you're one of the very vocal fans of that pairing, don't place a price on my head or anything. I'm just saying that it's the only story so far that has the potential to come close.

Emmerdale, unlike the other British soaps I mentioned above, doesn't take place in a city but rather in a small rural village. There have been other LGBT characters on the show in the past, and there has even been a gay wedding in the village, but I don't think they've ever done anything as powerful as the story they're telling right now with Aaron.

The character of Aaron is a rather thuggish 18 year old mechanic who lives in the village with his mother's ex-boyfriend, local veterinarian Paddy. He's had a troubled past and has a strained relationship with his mother and an absent father. In spite of his demeanor and his tendency to lash out at people, Aaron of course has a big heart that he keeps hidden away. Last December, Aaron got caught up in a moment and nearly kissed his best friend Adam, who isn't gay (sadly enough, since they'd make a really cute couple!). Aaron denied that he was gay, and even insisted that he'd never tried to kiss his friend, and to prove it he began dating Adam's sister, Holly. (Aaron is on the left, below, Adam is on the right, with Holly in the center)


Things quieted down for a few months, but after Holly broke up with Aaron, he began trying to get up the nerve to go to a gay bar in a nearby town. Eventually, he managed to go inside very briefly, but it didn't go over very well. Aaron seemed disgusted by the men around him, and when the one guy he did seem interested in asked him to play a game of pool, Aaron ran out of the pub and beat up some innocent garbage cans nearby.

In the meantime, Paddy had become worried that all of Aaron's mood swings and secrecy meant that he was either using or dealing drugs.

Last week, Paddy confronted Aaron with his suspicions. In the end, he realized that he was wrong, but also figured out that Aaron was gay. Paddy tried to be supportive, but Aaron lashed out and beat Paddy up.

I was liking the story a lot up to this point, but the scenes that really blew me away and made me a huge fan were when Aaron returned to the house and broke down in tears over what he'd done to the only person who really cared about him. Danny Miller, the actor who plays Aaron, was beyond amazing in these scenes, and I think he's easily one of the most talented people I've ever seen working in soaps.
After apologizing to Paddy, Aaron explained that he hated gay people and didn't want to be one, that he'd been fighting it. Paddy told Aaron that he himself had only been in love three times and that he'd had his heart broken each time, but even so he'd never deny himself the chance to be in love again, and that's what Aaron was proposing, a life without love.

Aaron said that he'd rather live a lonely life than a queer one, but Paddy got him to open up about the first guy he'd ever loved and tried to get him to open up about his feelings for Adam, but at that point Aaron shut the conversation down and decided to leave.

I'm doing these scenes no justice, by the way. They're incredibly heart wrenching and my eyes teared up more than once. You can watch them online starting here or you can watch Aaron's whole story, going all the way back to last July, here.

This week, Aaron came home but he told Paddy that he'd sorted things out and that he just was never going to be with a guy.

Clearly, Aaron is troubled and has a long way to go, but this story has been incredibly well written and acted so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

One of the most amusing things about all of this, by the way, is that Aaron's co-worker at the garage, Ryan, is played by actor James Sutton, who used to play John Paul McQueen on Hollyoaks! I guess the American equivalent would be if Van Hansis and Scott Evans ended up on the same soap together.