Lambda Literary Award Winners

The winners of this year's Lambda Literary Awards have been announced. They make for a great place to start if you're looking for something new in LGBT writing.

Lesbian Fiction: A Field Guide to Deception by Jill Malone

Lesbian Debut Fiction: The Creamsickle by Rhiannon Argo

Gay Fiction: Lake Overturn by Vestal McIntyre

Gay Debut Fiction: Blue Boy by Rakesh Satyal

LGBT Nonfiction: The Greeks and Greek Love by James Davidson

Lesbian Biography: The Talented Miss Highsmith by Joan Schenkar

Gay Memoir: Ardent Spirits by Reynolds Price

Transgender: Lynnee Breedlove's One Freak Show by Lynn Breedlove

Bisexual Fiction: (tie)

Holy Communion by Mykola Dementiuk

Love You Two by Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli

Bisexual Nonfiction: Leaving India by Minal Hajratwala

LGBT Anthology: Portland Queer edited by Ariel Gore

LGBT Drama: The Collected Plays of Mart Crowley by Mart Crowley

LGBT SF/Fantasy/Horror: Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente

LGBT Studies: The Straight State: Sexuality and Citizenship in Twentieth-Century America by Margot Canaday

LGBT YA: Sprout by Dale Peck

Lesbian Mystery: Death of a Dying Man by J.M. Redmann

Gay Mystery: What We Remember by Michael Thomas Ford

Lesbian Romance: The Sublime and Spirited Voyage of Original Sin by Colette Moody

Gay Romance: Drama Queers! by Frank Anthony Polito

Lesbian Poetry: Zero at the Bone by Stacie Cassarino

Gay Poetry: Sweet Core Orchard by Benjamin S Grossberg

Lesbian Erotica: Lesbian Cowboys edited by Sacchi Green & Rakelle Valencia

Gay Erotica: Impossible Princess by Kevin Killian

There are several books on the list that I want to read, though as usual I'm immersed in slightly older works of gay fiction, most recently the wonderful short story collections of Richard Hall and, at the moment, The Young and Evil, a novel about gay/bohemian life in Greenwich Village in the late 1920's by Charles Henri Ford and Parker Tyler.

The truly astounding thing is that the novel was originally published in 1933 but is incredibly upfront about gay life in that time and place without any attempt at moralizing.

I also recently read two very different books published at the same time and dealing with the same themes and settings: Larry Kramer's Faggots and Andrew Holleran's Dancer From the Dance. I read them back to back and I have to say that I found Holleran's novel to be beautifully written but I really didn't care for Kramer's.

That's not to say that it wasn't well written, but there was such an aura of bitterness surrounding it all, not to mention his sheer delight in reveling in the most seamy aspects of gay life, which left me feeling like I needed to take a shower each time I finished a chapter. Reading such a book would leave anyone feeling like being a gay man was a bleak experience at best.

Lest you think that I'm only reading fiction that's at least twenty five years old, I'm counting down the days until the release of Stephen McCauley's latest novel, Insignificant Others, in June and I was also very excited to notice the other day at work that there is now an October release date for Armistead Maupin's new Tales of the City novel, Mary Ann in Autumn!

LuRe Day: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Today's As the World Turns was a LuRe day, though not an overly eventful one. It began with Luke arriving to visit Noah at the hospital with some lunch and his ipod. Luke asked Noah if there had been any changes with his eyesight, and Noah said that he could still see light and dark, and colors, but that shapes were still mostly blurry.

To give an example, Noah explained that he'd heard Luke and Dr. Oliver arguing in in the hall the other day and had tried to focus on them but that they'd been too blurry. What, Noah wondered, had they been arguing about?

Luke claimed that he couldn't remember, exactly, but said that they'd probably been arguing about Noah since they did that a lot. Noah took Luke's hand and told him that if Luke wanted to worry about him, that was okay with him. Luke was surprised by this, since that had been the last thing Noah wanted before the surgery. Noah explained that he'd realized that this was just who Luke was and part of why he loved him so much.

Luke told Noah that he loved him, too, and Noah asked him to try and stay away from Reid since, as difficult as he could be, he was the reason that Noah was going to be able to see again. Luke agreed to try and at that moment Reid came in the room to examine Noah.

Luke pulled his hand away from Noah's and stood up pretty quickly, but the clasped hands hadn't been missed by Dr. Oliver. Reid gave Noah's eyes a cursory look before saying that he'd come back later to do a more thorough exam. There was definitely an intense vibe between Luke and Reid which Noah picked up on but completely misread. He asked Luke to go after Dr. Oliver and apologize to him for their argument, for Noah's sake.

The contrast between Nuke and LuRe is pretty telling when they all share a scene together like this. Luke and Noah have a very warm vibe between them, they clearly care for each other, but you'd have to be as blind as Noah was not to notice the off the charts chemistry between Luke and Reid the minute they're in the same room together. You can almost literally feel them wanting to be together the second they're in each other's presence.

Luke wasted no time in following Reid out of the room and telling him that he couldn't do this anymore, that he hated lying to Noah. Reid suggested he not lie to him, then, but Luke said that he already had and explained that Noah had seen them in the hallway the other day.

Luke: If his vision had been any clearer, he would have seen that we're-

Reid: That we're really hot for each other?

Luke: That's not funny.

Reid: You'll know when I'm trying to be funny.

Luke said that he had to tell Noah about the two of them, but Reid wondered what, exactly, Luke was going to tell him? Luke himself wasn't even sure, but said that he and Noah didn't keep secrets from each other.

Reid suggested that Luke think about someone other than himself and sarcastically pointed out that telling Noah that they'd kissed a couple of times and almost had sex the very day of Noah's surgery was really going to make him feel better. That way, Noah could push both Luke and the doctor helping him get his sight back away, but then what did Noah's vision matter compared to Luke's 'confused little feelings'?

Reid is clearly quite frustrated with the fact that Luke is sitting on the fence about all of this. Then again, when does Reid need a reason to be sarcastic and snarky?

Luke said that he had to be honest with Noah, and Reid demanded to know what it was about illness that made people feel like it was the time when they had to confess their secrets to that person? What Luke needed to do was to be there for Noah and help him deal, Reid said, even if that meant lying his butt off.

Noah, meanwhile, was having a chat with Ali about his relationship with Luke and acknowledging that it was all his fault for pushing Luke away. While Luke may understand why he did it, that's not the same as forgiving him for it, Noah explained. Ali made a comparison to her failed relationship with Casey and said that they were trying to be friends again now, which left Noah declaring that he didn't want to be 'just friends' with Luke.

Later, Reid returned to finish his exam of Noah and when he was done Luke came in and asked if Noah was well enough to go outside. Reid said he didn't think so, but Luke promised that it would be just for a few minutes and that he wouldn't leave Noah's side.

Reid returned home to brood over the situation, looking incredibly sexy while doing so, and Katy tried to take his mind off things by asking him to come with her to the park to get some fresh air. Reid refused, saying that he wasn't fond of air, and Katy left him alone with his thoughts.

Meanwhile, at the park, Noah was raving about being able to see colors again and finally having something positive in his life. Luke was distracted by his own thoughts, and Noah noted that this was a perfect time for him and Luke to really talk to each other. Noah told Luke that he could tell him anything and Luke looked incredibly torn.

As I said, there wasn't a great deal going on in the story today. Luke is still not fully facing up to the way his feelings have changed and what that means for him and Noah, while Reid has fallen pretty hard for Luke but is growing frustrated over the mixed messages he's getting from him.

I really like that they're taking some time to show what each of these three characters are feeling. I just hope that they don't drag this whole "We can't tell Noah until his eyes are better" angle out too long.

Aaron's Story: The Truth Shall Set You Free

Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale continues to pack an emotional punch and I'm loving every second of it. When I last wrote about Aaron, he'd returned home from the hospital and was being watched every moment of the day by his mother and Paddy, but his friendship with Adam had grown stronger than ever.

Aaron tenuously started to resume his daily life after a walk with his dog lead him by the garage and he was invited in for a drink by Cain. I loved the way Danny Miller played this particular scene, the hesitation on Aaron's part to enter the place where he'd tried to kill himself and also the underlying fear that he was going to be treated differently by his co-workers. His relief when Cain treated him exactly as he always had was almost palpable and by the end of the visit Aaron had agreed to return to work the next day.

There was still the not so little matter of the charges pending against Aaron for assaulting Jackson, though. Aaron himself seemed resigned to whatever punishment came his way and even refused to go with Paddy to meet with his solicitor.

Paddy returned with the news that Aaron was looking at six months in prison because his attack on Jackson was being viewed as a hate crime. If, however, Aaron told the court the truth about himself and what he was going through, he'd likely only get community service.

Paddy and Chastity both begged Aaron to admit the truth, but Aaron remained adamant that he was going to stay silent and take his punishment. When Aaron wouldn't listen to them, a desperate Paddy went to see Adam to fill him in and ask his help in convincing Aaron to open up about his sexuality to avoid time in prison.

Adam tracked down Jackson on a work site to ask him to withdraw his statement against Aaron, but Jackson refused. He softened a bit, though, when Adam revealed that Aaron had attempted to kill himself. Against his better judgement, he even let Adam talk him into going with him to see Aaron.

It wasn't exactly a harmonious meeting. Jackson told Aaron that things weren't all right between them, but that he didn't want to see Aaron go to prison.

Aaron: Oh, so why did you go to the police and tell them what I did?

Jackson: Well, you decked me so what did you expect?

Aaron: Well why didn't you tell them the rest of the truth then?

Jackson: You know why!

Aaron: What, because you wanted to get me done for gay bashing?

Jackson: I never wanted to out you! I mean, I wish I had now. If there's a way out of this, you've got to take it.

Aaron: Yeah, well, I can't.

Jackson: Why not?

Aaron: Do you want me to spell it out for you?

Jackson: Look, I'm trying to help!

Aaron: And I don't need your help!

Jackson decided he'd had enough at this point, and when Adam tried to keep him from leaving he said that if Aaron would rather go to prison than admit to being gay, he deserved what he got.

Adam sadly told Aaron that he'd just realized the truth: Aaron wanted to be punished because he couldn't handle what he was, and the saddest thing was that he was going to get his wish now that he'd thrown away his last chance.

After Adam left, Aaron silently buried his face in his hands.

In the days that followed, Paddy and Chastity kept trying to convince Aaron to tell the truth and save himself while Aaron alternated between pushing them away and readying himself for his prison sentence.

Aaron told everyone that he didn't want them coming to court with him, so when the morning came he said his farewells to his assembled family at Paddy's place and departed in a taxi.

He'd convinced himself that he was strong enough to survive in prison, but had his eyes opened before he even got in the taxi when his Aunt Lisa (who recently did some prison time herself) told him that they weren't going to allow him to take his ipod in with him, since it could be used as a weapon, and that even if they did let him, someone would steal if from him within minutes. Aaron tried to play the tough guy and said that no one would be messing with him, but his Uncle Zak advised him that he had to keep his head down and not draw any attention to himself if he wanted to make it through this.

Paddy put an end to the prison talk, reminding them all that he'd not even been sentenced yet. As Aaron was getting in the car, he noticed Adam watching sadly nearby and the two shared a nod. Once in the Taxi, the brave face Aaron had been putting on dissolved as tears began to spill down his cheeks. I have to say that Danny Miller cries better than any actor I've ever seen. You'd think with all his tears lately I'd be used to it, but every time he cries he manages to make it seem so raw and emotional that it feels like a punch to the stomach. You just want to wrap your arms around him, not that Aaron would ever let you, and tell him everything is going to be okay!

At the courthouse, Aaron's solicitor (and here's a nice little tie in to gay characters past, by the way: the solicitor was played by Scott Neal, the actor who played Ste in my very favorite gay themed movie, Beautiful Thing!) made one last attempt to get Aaron to see sense about his plea, but Aaron was still set on remaining silent.

Aaron looked so small and alone as he ascended into the dock to face the magistrate. Before the hearing actually began, though, Chastity called out Aaron's name and he turned to find Paddy, Chastity, Cain, Zak, Lisa, and Adam all there for him, in spite of his insistence that no one come. Instead of being angry, his eyes filled with tears and he nodded gratefully at them all. I loved how Danny Miller was able to convey, without saying a word, that their presence meant everything to Aaron!

The charges were read and Aaron was asked for his plea. Before he could answer, the door opened and Jackson walked in and took a seat up in the gallery, behind Aaron's family. The two of them shared a long look before Aaron plead guilty.

The prosecutor (or whatever they're called in the British court system) laid out the case that Aaron had targeted and attacked Jackson simply for being gay. Paddy and Chastity both had little outbursts up in the gallery (which the magistrate didn't seem to mind too much, merely shooting them a rather withering look; in an American court there would surely have been a lot of gavel banging and threats of contempt!) urging Aaron and/or Jackson to speak up.

They both remained quiet, though. The magistrate told Aaron that this was a clear cut case of a homophobic attack and that such a thing could not be tolerated. Aaron, his eyes red with tears, mumbled that it wasn't like that, and the magistrate ordered him to speak up if there was something he wanted to say.

Aaron: I can't. I can't say it. (Aaron turns to look at Jackson). I didn't target him. He came to see me.

Aaron's solicitor requested a recess called so that he could discuss all of this with Aaron before he spoke any further, but Aaron stopped him, saying that he'd already messed his life up this badly, so he might as well finish the job.

Aaron: He came to see me because he thought we were mates. He was in the pub, with my friends and my family, it just freaked me out. I needed to shut him up, so I hit him. But it wasn't like what you said. It wasn't because of what he was. Or what he is. I swear I didn't do it because he's gay.

I did it because I am.

I'm gay.

Needless to say, this was an intense moment for Aaron and I can't stress how beautifully done these scenes were. How many ways can I possibly find to say that Danny Miller is incredibly talented? There surely aren't enough words in the English language. Please, watch these scenes here if you haven't already!

Up in the gallery, Paddy, Chastity, and Adam all looked incredibly relieved and proud of Aaron, while Zak and Lisa looked dumbfounded by this piece of news. The magistrate asked Aaron to continue.

Aaron (crying): I didn't want to hurt him. I just... I just thought that he was gonna blurt it out. I thought that's what they did. They made you tell everyone, and if you didn't then they'd do it for you. But he was different. He was all right. I wanted to see him. But then when I did, I couldn't handle it. What I was thinking. About him. About me. I hit him. And I'm sorry.

The magistrate called for a ten minute recess. Out in the hall, Zak and Lisa questioned Cain about how long he'd known, while Chastity told Aaron how proud they were of him. Aaron, though, was wondering what his Uncle Cain and Uncle Zak were thinking about him. Paddy, meanwhile, had gone to look for Jackson but came back to report to Aaron that he'd gone. Aaron's solicitor warned him and Chastity that Aaron's last minute confession may have been too little, too late as far as sentencing was concerned.

Back in court, the Magistrate told Aaron that the attack was clearly a violent one, but that his genuine remorse and his admission, which had taken strength and courage, had convinced her that a prison sentence was not in his best interest. She sentenced him to 150 hours of community service instead.

The entire clan returned to Paddy's, but Aaron remained outside with Adam, not wanting to face a family gathering after his very public coming out. Inside, Zak was trying to make some sense of the news and asked Paddy if Aaron dating Holly had been all for show.

Paddy told Zak that Aaron had been trying to work things out in his head then and Zak said the boy must have had some idea, since you don't go 'that way' over night. Paddy told him that Aaron had been fighting his sexuality for years.

Lisa asked if Jackson was Aaron's boyfriend and Chastity chimed in, telling them all that Aaron hadn't had a boyfriend yet. Zak took this as evidence that Aaron couldn't know if he was really gay, then, because not having tried it he might find that he didn't like it!

Cain asked Zak if he'd ever looked at another guy and fancied him and when Zak told him to watch his mouth, Cain said that they could bet that Aaron had. This seemed to get through to Zak, at least a bit. Cain told Paddy to tell Aaron that he was expecting him at work the next day as usual. One thing they all agreed on: they'd protect their own, no matter what.

Adam and Aaron, meanwhile, had gone for a walk and Adam asked what had changed his mind about telling the truth. Was it Jackson? Aaron admitted that maybe it was, but also noted that Jackson hadn't stuck around afterward. He told Adam that he'd texted him to apologize and say that it would be cool if he wanted to go for a drink sometime.

Aaron said that he thought Jackson had only shown up to make sure he'd gone to prison, though, and Adam told him to get over Jackson and move on if that was the case.

Aaron admitted that he was worried that everyone was going to be acting differently towards him now.

Aaron: I just hate people knowing.

Adam: Well, they do, so get over it! Look, mate, I'm not going to lie to you. It's big news now. But it's not going to be for long, all right? At least it's over now. You've done it.

Aaron: And what if I've made the biggest mistake of my life?

Adam: Come on.

With that, Adam put his arm around Aaron and they walked off together. Can I just say, once again, how much I love the friendship between these two? It's really something special. I'm still trying to find good screencaps of the two of them together. This one is from last winter.

The next day, Aaron called in sick to work and spent the day lying on the sofa, staring into space while all around the village, people were discussing the banner front page headline to be found above a large photo of Aaron in the local paper: 'Hoodie Comes Out Of the Closet'.

At the garage, Ryan was trying to get his head around the fact that Aaron was gay, but really only seemed surprised, not truly bothered by it. When Chastity came by and showed them the paper, Ryan assured her that he and Cain were both 'cool with it'.

Chastity took the paper to Paddy's, where against Paddy's wishes she showed it to Aaron, feeling that he had to know what everyone was reading. Aaron was far from pleased, but a bit later, after he'd had a shower, he came back down and told Paddy and Chastity that he was going back to work the next day. He seemed much more at peace with himself than he's been in a very long time.

Aaron: It's out of my hands. I can't change anything. This is the way its got to be from now on, whether I like it or not.

Well, Aaron is officially out. I think he's got a long way to go before he's truly okay with who he is, of course. Will he find someone special to help him with that? I for one can't wait to find out.

LuRe: Five in One

For the past two weeks, fate seemed to be conspiring to keep me from getting my LuRe fix, but I've finally managed to catch up with five episodes worth of Luke & Reid scenes on As the World Turns.

The first episode found the big day finally arriving- it was time for Noah's surgery. Luke showed up at the hospital for moral support and brought along Noah's video camera to document the momentous occasion. The two guys had a kind of sweet moment together on Noah's hospital bed before Reid walked in.When the nurse and Reid were taking Noah off for the operation, Luke asked Reid to take care of his ex and Dr. Oliver, clearly nonplussed by the closeness between Luke & Noah, snapped that this was what Luke had dragged him here for, wasn't it?

Luke & Katie chatted in the waiting room and Katie said that she thought that Reid liked living in Oakdale- and liked Luke- more than he'd let on. Luke mentioned Reid being rude to him again earlier and said that he thought the doctor had just been grateful for his help but that it had passed. Katie pointed out the obvious connection between Reid's rudeness and him having just seen Luke with Noah and said that she thought her roommate had become a bit more human lately and they both knew why that was.

Luke claimed to believe that living with Katie and baby Jacob had been what humanized Reid, and also suggested that working with Bob Hughes had probably helped, too. Katie thought that it would take more than friends and a cute baby to change someone like Reid, but Luke asked her to stop with the matchmaking while Noah was in surgery, saying that even though they weren't together he still loved Noah and wanted him to get his sight back.

In the operating room, Noah's blood pressure was high, but Reid got him to relax by telling him to think of all the things he'd see when he woke up. Noah noted that he'd finally get to see what Reid looked like and Reid joked about having a comb over, buck teeth and a potbelly.

Once Noah was under, he started dreaming about directing a film starring Luke and was zooming in for a close up on Luke's smiling face while he started to flat line.

Reid sought Luke out in the waiting room and broke the news that there had been some damage that hadn't shown up on the CAT scans or MRI, and that there had been complications. Luke asked if Noah was going to be all right, and Reid told him that there could be some brain damage and that they wouldn't know the extent of it until Noah woke up. Luke didn't take the news very well, and when Reid started talking about there always having been risks involved with the operation, Luke went off on him about his earlier arrogance about being the only one who could perform the surgery.

Reid countered that both Noah and 'Mr. Snyder' had been fully aware of the risks and Luke did not react well to Reid reverting to the old form of address between them.

Luke: Mr. Snyder. Really? After all of this, I want you to talk to me like a human being and I want you to talk to me like someone who gives a crap about what happens to Noah you selfish son of a bitch! What have you done?

Seeing such a passionate outburst from Luke was strangely hot, but it was tempered by seeing Reid's reaction. Eric Sheffer Stevens did a great job of using body language to convey the fact that Reid was very upset by what had happened and was falling back on his arrogance to cover it up. Reid was throwing the wall back up between him and Luke because he felt like he'd let Luke and Noah down.

Bob Hughes found Reid going over Noah's MRI results again, wondering how he'd missed something so important. Bob told Reid that he'd taken his responsibility to Noah seriously and that what had happened wasn't his fault. Reid continued to obsess over Noah's case, so Bob ordered him to leave the hospital and get some rest since Noah wouldn't be conscious for awhile.

Luke, meanwhile, sent Holden and Lily home, promising that he'd call them as soon as he knew anything. He then went to see Bob Hughes, who suggested he go home and get some rest and mentioned that he'd ordered Reid to do the same.

Bob reminded Luke that the surgery was what both he and Noah had wanted and that he shouldn't question that decision now. Luke rather bitterly noted that he'd trusted Dr. Oliver and his judgement and then stormed out of Bob's office and headed straight for Reid's place, where the good doctor answered the door shirtless (pics borrowed from Superherofan).
Luke demanded to know how Reid could have left Noah, asking if he even cared if his patient died. Reid told Luke that he'd been ordered out by his Chief of Staff and Luke wanted to know when Reid had started obeying anyone else's orders.

After all, he was the Great Doctor Oliver, and he never failed, unless he wanted to.

Reid: Excuse me?

Luke: Just tell me the truth. Did you do this to Noah on purpose?

The look of hurt on Reid's face was pretty intense. I thought Eric Sheffer Stevens really did a great job here.

Reid: Did I.. you're asking if..

Luke: Just answer the question!

Reid: Answer what? You want to know if I deliberately tried to harm your boyfriend while I was operating on him?

Luke: That's just it. Even though Noah and I are broken up and have been for awhile, you can't stand the fact that I still have feelings for him. You were so angry wen you saw him with his arm around me before the surgery.

Reid: What are you talking about?

Luke: You can't stand the fact that I haven't fallen at your feet. You don't understand it because you get whatever you want, whenever you want, and the fact that you haven't gotten me is driving you insane!

Reid: The only person insane in this room is you.

Luke tearfully accused Reid of having feelings for him that he'd let affect the outcome of the surgery.

Reid: After all the time that you've spent with me, the care that I've given to the man that you told me you loved, whether you're with him or not, you really think I have an investment in seeing him harmed? Or dead? That's who you think I am?

Luke (quietly, almost brokenly): I have no idea what I think about you. I have no idea who you are.

Reid: Yes you do. You can't look at me and tell me that you don't know who I am.

Luke: How did this happen?

Reid: I wish... I don't know.

Luke: You told me that you'd fix him. You promised. Noah couldn't handle being blind, so I gave him the one chance in the world he thought he had by bringing you here. And now this. If he's never the same again, if he doesn't make it through this, then I just...

Reid: You what?

Luke: I can't...

Reid: You can't what? You can't what, Luke?

(Luke kisses Reid)

What amazing scenes. Seeing Van Hansis take Luke from lashing out in anger to being on the brink of breaking down in tears and guilt for his part in Noah having the surgery, to finally facing up to his feelings for Reid, reminded me all over again of what an incredible actor he is. I think that working with Eric Sheffer Stevens just pushes him to be even greater. These are two truly talented guys, and these scenes would win them both Emmys if there was any justice in the world.

When the scenes picked up where they'd left off the next day, Reid began unbuttoning Luke's shirt while they kissed. Luke pulled back, wondering what the hell they were doing and reminding Reid that Noah was in a hospital bed. Luke though that they shouldn't have done any of this.

Reid: So, what, you kissed me out of anger? Out of fear?

Luke: Look, I don't know. Both, yeah.

Reid: I don't buy that and neither do you.

Luke: I've got to go.

Reid: Go ahead, run away.

Luke: I'm not running away!

Reid: You can't get out of the room fast enough.

Luke: Well I never should have come here! I never should have left Noah!

Reid: You can blame what just happened on your fear about Noah if that's what makes you feel better.

Luke: This is not about me feeling better.

Reid: Okay, then let's be honest.

Luke: How am I not honest?

Reid: Something has been brewing between us for a long time, and deep down you wanted it to happen just as much as I did.

Reid asked Luke to at least admit that this was true, but Luke said even if it was, Noah had to be a priority now for both of them. Reid pointed out that they'd been about to have sex, not move out of the state. If there was a change in Noah's condition, they'd both be there.

Luke said they couldn't be there for Noah if something happened that they couldn't take back. Reid reminded Luke that Noah had pushed him away and been unwilling to give him what he needed. He told Luke not to beat himself up for wanting to move on, but Luke replied that he couldn't do this and walked out the door.

Later, at the hospital, Luke sat with Noah and told him that he just wanted him to wake up so that he could do everything he wanted to do with his life. Reid came in to examine Noah and Luke tried to talk to him about what had happened between them earlier. Reid said they didn't have to talk about it, but Luke had to apologize for what he'd said about Reid wanting to hurt Noah.

Luke: I know that you'd never do anything to hurt Noah, no matter what your feelings were.

Reid: You're not all that, Mr. Snyder.

Luke: No, I guess I'm not. He was the first person I was ever in love with.

Reid: One's not such a low number.

Luke: I never thought I'd be with anyone except him.

Reid: That explains a lot.

Luke: So, yeah, about earlier-

Reid: You don't have to say anything about it. I get it Luke.

Reid told Luke that Noah's vitals were strong, but that they still wouldn't know anything for sure until he woke up. Luke asked if he should stay with Noah and Reid said that since there was a lot they still didn't know about states of unconsciousness, that sitting with Noah and letting him know he was there could help.

I really liked this scene because of the way it highlighted that Luke & Reid are relating to each other on a more mature level, and also the way that Luke spoke about Noah being his first love and never thinking that he'd be with anyone else demonstrated that he has started thinking that way now.

A day or two later, Reid woke Luke up in the hospital waiting room and told him that Noah was showing some signs of coming around and that they were going to run some tests. Luke started freaking out a bit about what they were going to do if Noah did have brain damage and Reid touched the side of his face, telling him to calm down.

Lily walked up in time to see the close moment between the two men and after Reid left she asked her son if there was something going on between the two of them. Luke admitted that Reid had told him he had feelings for him, and Lily was outraged that Noah's doctor would take advantage of Luke while he was worried about his ex.

Luke told his mother than Reid wasn't taking advantage of him and that he'd been completely honest with him the entire time.

Lily: So you're encouraging him? What about Noah?

Luke: Mom, we broke up. You know that. He said he needed his space, he couldn't have that with me there, so we ended things.

Lily: You said that Dr. Oliver has feelings for you. What about you? Do you have feelings for him?

Luke: Yeah, but I'm not really sure what they are right now. Reid's sure, though. (Lily makes a face) What?

Lily: I just can't imagine you with anyone other than Noah.

Luke: Yeah, I used to think that, too.

Lily: He doesn't seem like a very nice man.

Luke (an adorable grin spreading across his face): Dr. Oliver? He's not. He's rude and he's cold, and he's rude.

Lily: And you find that attractive?

Luke: No, it's just, he's in your face. He's like, 'Okay, here I am, and this is what I'm feeling, deal with that', and to have a guy like that, a guy who says exactly what he feels at all times, to have somebody like that say that the likes you, feels nice for a change.

Lily looked like someone had run over her puppy, indicating that she's clearly in the Nuke camp and not feeling the LuRe.

Luke asked why she was so sad and Lily told him that she wanted things to work out for him and Noah, and then the whole conversation became about how Lily and Holden were supposed to last forever, too, and didn't.

Lily asked if Luke wanted forever with Reid and he side stepped the question by saying he wanted Noah to wake up.

Luke went back in to sit with Noah, who of course has come out of brain surgery with a full head of hair like all people do in the real world. Noah promptly opened his eyes and Luke asked if he could see him.

Noah slowly focused in on his ex and then told Luke that he could see his eyes and that they were the most amazing thing he'd ever seen in his life.

Reid came along shortly afterward and asked Luke to step out so that he could examine his patient. Noah's vision was still blurry, but Reid assured him that it would improve with time. I have to say, Jake Silbermann was looking particularly hot in this scene, laying in bed with a tight gray t-shirt on. I think he's been working out even more than usual.

Noah went on about how Luke had made all of this happen by bringing Reid to Oakdale and how he'd been pushing Luke away and needed to make it up to him. Reid left the room, telling Luke that Noah was all his.

Noah asked Luke to sneak him outside so that he could see the world, so Luke took him up to the roof. Don't worry, folks, as long as you come out of brain surgery with a full head of hair, it's totally okay to be mobile within a few days!

Noah apologized to Luke for how hard he'd been on him and said that a lot of people talk about love, but Luke really does it, and Noah was grateful for that.

Luke told Noah not to apologize for not wanting to be with him anymore, that it happens sometimes. Noah said that it hadn't had anything to do with Luke, that he'd just been so afraid that he'd never see again. Luke looked decidedly less than enthusiastic to hear this, especially after Noah said that he knew they had a lot to work through but that he hoped that their relationship was strong enough to survive.

I'm sorry, I suppose I should feel some sympathy for Noah, but he's so selfish! He pushes Luke away for months, and suddenly he's got his vision back and just expects that they can still be together after all he put Luke through! Yes, Luke got a token apology, but come on!

Luke tried to avoid the issue by telling Noah to focus on his health, not on their relationship.

Noah: Okay, I know I may not be able to see the expression on your face, but I can feel it, somethings changed. What is it?

Luke tried to talk about everything had changed since Noah could see again, but Noah shut that down, saying that he could tell that something had changed with Luke, that he was being different with Noah.

Noah: So I'm asking, has the way you feel about me changed?

Luke: Yeah. It has.

Noah: Wow. I know I asked, I just never expected you to say yes.

Luke reminded Noah of how he hadn't cared that Noah wasn't able to see, that he'd just wanted to be with him, but Noah hadn't felt the same way.

Luke: Noah, I was in this one hundred percent. And I asked you, remember, all or nothing? And you chose nothing.

Noah: I know what I said then, but-

Luke: You told me to go on with my life and now you're acting like that never happened. What happens if you change your mind tomorrow?

Noah: I didn't push you away because I stopped loving you, because I haven't, I couldn't!

Luke: Who cares? When things got rough, you were you. You weren't us. And I know you were hurting, Noah, I was hurting too. But the difference is that I didn't abandon you.

Yes! I'm so glad that Luke is finally calling Noah on all of this. I was worried that as soon as Noah had his sight back and expected Luke to fall into his arms again, Luke would act as if all the hurtful things Noah said and did weren't important, would just give him a free pass. I'm so glad that isn't happening and that Luke is finally growing up.

Noah told Luke that when he couldn't see, he'd felt cut off from the world, but now that he had his sight back, he felt connected to Luke again. Luke explained that while Noah had felt like he was somewhere else, Luke had been right there the whole time, begging him not to leave.

Luke: Noah, we haven't been happy for a long time. I can't go back to the way it was before the accident.

Noah: I don't expect you to. I mean, I can't either. But I still want to be with you. We can find a new way to be together if you want to.

Luke: A few months ago, I think I would have known what that meant. Now I'm not so sure.

Before they could talk any further, Reid stormed onto the roof, a little ticked off that his patient was out of bed and up on the roof. Reid called Luke an idiot and said that while Noah had a reason for not thinking clearly, Luke had no excuse.

Reid examined Noah and went on again about Luke's stupidity. Noah remarked that he'd thought Reid and Luke were getting along better since their trip to Texas and then Luke walked in just in time to hear Reid telling Noah that he'd wanted something from Luke and now that he'd got it, he didn't have to fake being nice any more.

Luke demanded to know if that's all it was, if Reid had been using him, and Reid sarcastically said that he was sorry he couldn't be Luke's new best friend, but that at least he had Noah. After Reid left, Noah remarked that Reid was a great doctor but a lousy person, and then noticed how upset Luke seemed. Before he could put two and two together, though, Casey and Allison arrived for a visit.

Luke took the opportunity to give Noah a copy of his film and asked him to be kind if he didn't like his final edit. Noah took Luke's hand and promised to be as kind to him as Luke had been to Noah. Reid, watching through the window, saw the gesture, and came in demanding to know what part of 'the patient needs rest' they didn't understand.

Casey and Allison made a hasty exit and Luke offered to go so Noah could get some rest, but Noah wanted him to stay. Luke set him up with a portable DVD player so he could watch his film and then went out in the hall, where he asked Reid why he was treating him this way.

Reid: I'm sorry you don't like the way I'm treating you.

Luke: Look, it's just that I thought-

Reid: I'm being a responsible neurosurgeon, protecting my patient from his own reckless behavior. What are you doing?

Luke: What do you mean? I'm trying to support Noah, that's what he needs. I'm trying to be there for him.

Reid: No you're not. You're trying to make up for the fact that you kissed me.

Luke: We kissed each other.

Reid: But I don't feel guilty about it. You do. That's why you're pretending that you and Noah are star crossed lovers all over again.

Luke: I never said that.

Reid: You didn't have to. You're playing the devoted boyfriend to the hilt, it's sickening.

Luke: Are you jealous?

Reid: I don't have time to be jealous, okay? But just so we're clear, you're not helping your boyfriend.

Luke: Look, he's not my boyfriend! He's just-

Reid: He's what?

Luke: He's feeling better. Isn't that all that matters?

Reid told Luke that Noah still had months of recovery ahead of him and that turning his room into party central wasn't going to help.

Luke apologized for jeapordizing Noah's recovery, but told Reid that he was wrong if he thought Luke was spending time with Noah out of guilt.

Reid: But now that Noah's whole you want to pretend that none of it happened, right, forget that the whole thing went down?

Luke: I haven't forgotten.

Reid: Good to know.

Luke: Look, this isn't about medicine. You can't stand seeing me and Noah together, and you don't want to admit it.

Reid: I have an idea, Mr. Snyder. I think it would be best for everyone involved if you and I went back to the way things were before Texas.

Luke: What do you mean?

Reid: You need me to draw you a picture? Leave me and my patient alone.

Luke: I'm all Noah's got!

Reid: No, I am! I've been doing everything I can to give Noah his life back, which means that right now Noah needs me more than he needs you. I don't want you hanging around here anymore, I want you to stay out of my way.

Luke (getting in Reid's face): You're lying. This is not about medicine. It's personal.

Reid: No, it's not. Noah is my patient, you're his cheating boyfriend.

Luke: We are not back together! You know that.

Reid: Does Noah realize that?

Luke: Well, we're trying to work things out.

Reid: Good luck with that, Mr. Snyder. (starts to leave)

Luke (stopping him): No, don't call me that.

Reid: What do you want from me? Tell me. You want me to pretend that nothing happened between us? That's not the way I work. We both know it's not true (touches Luke's face).

At that point, Noah walked by, looking for Luke. It appeared that he was able to see a blurry image of Reid and Luke in that intimate position, but who knows for sure?

These were some truly great episodes for LuRe fans. I loved that they're making it quite clear that while Luke still loves Noah, he doesn't know if he really wants to be with him after everything that happened, and that he isn't at all willing to dismiss what he feels for Reid.

I've complained about this storyline quite a bit, and with very good reason, but they're finally doing something very right! The Reid/Luke/Noah love triangle makes for some pretty damn good soap opera. I can't wait to see what happens next, as long as it involves Luke and Reid living happily ever after and having at least one very hot onscreen love scene before the show ends!

HMS Daytime Continues to Sink

The Daytime Emmys are as big of a joke as daytime soaps themselves have become. The nominations were announced today and just confirm that this entire industry is content to run itself completely into the ground while maintaining the status quo.

Both Scott Evans and Brett Claywell were pre-nominated for their AMAZING work on One Life to Live (largely because new rules allowed them to submit themselves and not have to be pre-nominated by their fellow cast members), but neither received an actual nomination. In fact, One Life to Live, easily the best soap on the air over the last few years, was not nominated for Outstanding Drama Series or Outstanding Writing Team.

This is just a complete travesty and proves that the medium is dying for a very good reason. A show takes the time to write an incredibly groundbreaking story; they write it beautifully, they hire two outstanding actors who portray the characters perfectly; they hold nothing back, in fact, and give us a perfect example of what soaps could and should be like.

The end result? The network kills the story, fires the actors, brings in a hack like Jean Passanante to 'help take the soap in a new (read: old, tired, and badly written) direction', and the people who are supposed to at least reward the outstanding work of their peers completely ignore the entire thing, not even bothering to hand them a single nomination.

Brett Claywell himself had this to say on twitter today:

We tell a story that was groundbreaking and powerful, then lose my job and am overlooked for a nomination. Daytime is such a joke.

Way to fiddle while Rome burns, daytime.

Everything's Coming Up Kurt

Things are still busy and I'm trying to make time to catch up with most of my shows (I haven't been able to get to last week's LuRe episodes of As the World Turns just yet, for instance), but there is one series that I never fail to watch the night it airs. It should surprise no one that the show I'm talking about is Glee.

I really have to say that Mike O'Malley and Chris Colfer knocked it out of the park yet again in their final scene together on tonight's show. I can never get through one of their father/son moments without tears in my eyes! Don't bother voting, just send the Emmys to them now.

Kurt's insecurity over losing his dad because of his sexuality was very genuine, and I thought the show found the perfect balance between the humor of Kurt attempting to 'straighten up' and the very real emotions that were behind him feeling the need to do so. That's where Chris Colfer really shines, I think. I love his voice and he's incredibly funny, but he really kills me in the emotional scenes.

And how amazing was his rendition of 'Rose's Turn'?! One of my favorite Glee performances to date, I have to say. His butch attempt at doing Mellencamp's 'Pink Houses' in a deeper than normal voice wasn't bad at all, but it just wasn't Kurt. The minute the music for 'Rose's Turn' started, though, I gasped and clapped my hands in anticipatory glee (do you think moments like this could have something to do with why I'm still single?!).

I'm glad that Santana got to sing again in the episode, I really like her voice. I also really enjoyed there being more Puck tonight, too. Mark Salling pretty much rocks my world. The man just personifies hotness.

I did miss seeing Jonathan Groff's adorable mug as Jesse, though! (And by the way, how blind was I that I didn't see Finn's rendition of 'Jesse's Girl' coming from a mile away?)

Speaking of Jonathan, both Cheyenne Jackson and Michael Urie have joined Kristin Chenoweth in responding to Ramin Setoodeh's ridiculously homophobic Newsweek piece on gay actors being unable to successfully portray straight characters.

Michael Urie:

Look, I'm not from f*cking Vienna [He's playing a Viennese character currently on stage]. We're all actors, and the audiences get it. When I saw Sean Hayes in Promises, Promises, it was a full house and everyone was completely in love with him. And I saw it at a Wednesday matinee full of tourists. They've all seen Sean in Will & Grace, and they loved him and believed in his relationship with Kristin. It worked.

And to attack, to quote Ugly Betty, someone [like Groff] recently 'hatched from the gay egg' is unconscionable and he should strung be [up]. [Groff] made everyone want him in Spring Awakening. And Cheyenne was f*cking Elvis in All Shook Up. He was sexy and hot. He's always playing straight. And people buy tickets to see him. No straight critics accuse Sean Penn of not being able to play Harvey Milk or [criticize] Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

Cheyenne responded with this:

''That's because when straight actors play gay, they're so 'brave.' Why is it so f*cking 'brave'? It's a part and he's a good actor. I hope we can get to the day where the best actor gets the part. End of story.''

I love that both guys are so quick to come to Jonathan Groff's defense in particular, since he is newly out and Setoodah seemed to take a special delight in ripping apart his ability to portray a straight character post-coming out (though apparently he was just fine at playing one successfully in Spring Awakening before he came out, which as Chenoweth pointed out is a pretty contradictory statement).

I think it's interesting that no one has really pointed out that if anything, it's the writing for Jesse that is making the character come across as something other than the stereotypical straight character. Jesse loves Sondheim, he refers to himself as a drama queen, he's in show choir and ballet, and he praises Olivia Newton John's 'Physical' for its groundbreaking depiction of sexual fluidity. None of that is about Jonathan Groff's personal life, that's the writer's take on the character!

Did it ever occur to Setoodah that the way Jonathan is playing the part likely has nothing to do with his own sexuality and everything to do with how he's being directed? I honestly think it would be surprising if the character of Jesse wasn't bisexual and I suspect Groff has been asked to portray him with that in mind.

What Setoodah is really saying is that no one would buy Groff as being attracted to women, and that's just ridiculous since there's plenty of chemistry between him and Lea Michele.

Anyway, next week is another Glee episode I've been waiting for with great anticipation. Three words: Neil. Patrick. Harris. Yes!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to watch Kurt's version of 'Rose's Turn' at least once more before bed.

Kristin Chenoweth, I Love You

The other night, I wrote about Ramin Setoodeh's homophobic review of Promises, Promises and his views about the inability of gay actors to ever play straight roles successfully.

Kristin Chenoweth, who co-stars with Sean Hayes in Promises, Promises and is one of my very favorite people on the planet, has responded to Setoodeh's ridiculous piece in detail:

"As a longtime fan of Newsweek and as the actress currently starring opposite the incredibly talented (and sexy!) Sean Hayes in the Broadway revival of “Promises, Promises,” I was shocked on many levels to see Newsweek publishing Ramin Setoodeh’s horrendously homophobic “Straight Jacket,” which argues that gay actors are simply unfit to play straight. From where I stand, on stage, with Hayes, every night — I’ve observed nothing “wooden” or “weird” in his performance, nor have I noticed the seemingly unwieldy presence of a “pink elephant” in the Broadway Theater. (The Drama League, Outer Critics Circle and Tony members must have also missed that large animal when nominating Hayes’ performance for its highest honors this year.)

I’d normally keep silent on such matters and write such small-minded viewpoints off as perhaps a blip in common sense. But the offense I take to this article, and your decision to publish it, is not really even related to my profession or my work with Hayes or Jonathan Groff (also singled out in the article as too “queeny” to play “straight.”)

This article offends me because I am a human being, a woman and a Christian. For example, there was a time when Jewish actors had to change their names because anti-Semites thought no Jew could convincingly play Gentile. Setoodeh even goes so far as to justify his knee-jerk homophobic reaction to gay actors by accepting and endorsing that “as viewers, we are molded by a society obsessed with dissecting sexuality, starting with the locker room torture in junior high school.” Really? We want to maintain and proliferate the same kind of bullying that makes children cry and in some recent cases have even taken their own lives? That’s so sad, Newsweek! The examples he provides (what scientists call “selection bias”) to prove his “gays can’t play straight” hypothesis are sloppy in my opinion. Come on now!

Openly gay Groff is too “queeny” to play Lea Michelle’s boyfriend in GLEE, but is a “heartthrob” when he does it in Spring Awakening? Cynthia Nixon only “got away with it” ’cause she peaked before coming out? I don’t know if you’ve missed the giant Sex and the City movie posters, but it seems most of America is “buying it.” I could go on, but I assume these will be taken care of in your “Corrections” this week.

Similarly, thousands of people have traveled from all over the world to enjoy Hayes’ performance and don’t seem to have one single issue with his sexuality! They have no problem buying him as a love-torn heterosexual man. Audiences aren’t giving a darn about who a person is sleeping with or his personal life. Give me a break! We’re actors first, whether we’re playing prostitutes, baseball players, or the Lion King. Audiences come to theater to go on a journey. It’s a character and it’s called acting, and I’d put Hayes and his brilliance up there with some of the greatest actors period.

Lastly, as someone who’s been proudly advocating for equal rights and supporting GLBT causes for as long as I can remember, I know how much it means to young people struggling with their sexuality to see out & proud actors like Sean Hayes, Jonathan Groff, Neil Patrick Harris and Cynthia Nixon succeeding in their work without having to keep their sexuality a secret. No one needs to see a bigoted, factually inaccurate article that tells people who deviate from heterosexual norms that they can’t be open about who they are and still achieve their dreams. I am told on good authority that Mr. Setoodeh is a gay man himself and I would hope, as the author of this article, he would at least understand that. I encourage Newsweek to embrace stories which promote acceptance, love, unity and singing and dancing for all!"

God, I love this woman!

Aaron's Story: Catching Up, Part 2

This is part two of my post catching up with Aaron's story on Emmerdale. Scroll down for the first part!

Aaron's attempted suicide and the immediate aftermath were very emotional scenes, as were the ones in the following episode at the hospital, where Chastity and Paddy lashed out at each other while Aaron lay in a coma. While Aaron's family and the rest of the village wondered why on Earth Aaron would try to kill himself, Chastity admitted the truth to her brother Cain in a very telling conversation:

Cain: I can help if you tell me what happened. Has it got something to do with that bloke that he beat up? I told him he did the right thing, I would have done the exactly the same. He didn't want someone like that touching him up.

Chastity silently gave Cain a look that left realization dawning over him.

Cain: No!

Chastity: You can't say a word.

Cain: Oh, no! Not Aaron.

Chastity: That is exactly the attitude that put him in here!

Cain: Gay?

Chastity: You got a problem with that?

Cain: (unconvincingly) No.

Chastity: Well no wonder he didn't want to tell anybody if this is how his Uncle reacts! He looks up to you, and you tell him it's okay to hate gays?

Cain: How was I supposed to know?

I think this scene made a very important point, that people's often thoughtless displays of bigotry could potentially be destroying those around them whom they love and would never consciously hurt. Cain is certainly not an open minded character, but maybe watching this scene made someone realize that the joke they told or laughed at the other day could be sending a very painful message to someone close to them.

Aaron came out of his coma without any brain damage, but he wasn't exactly thrilled to find his family hovering over him, especially his mother. When Chastity told him that she knew he was gay and it didn't matter to her, tears rolled down his cheeks as he said that it mattered to him.

Once he was alone with Paddy, who'd just finished telling him how many people loved him, Aaron admitted that he still wished he were dead. When Chastity heard this, she tried to get Aaron to agree to talk to a psychiatrist, like the hospital wanted him to do before they released him. When Aaron asked her to leave, saying that he didn't want her there any more, Chastity lashed out at him for his selfishness, for having tried to kill himself without giving a thought to what it would do to her or to Paddy.

When Aaron asked her to stop, Chastity quickly apologized and told him that he could only make her this angry because of how much she loved him. She also told him that at 18 he knew nothing about life and that he was way too young to be giving up. Chastity admitted that she was to blame for a lot in his life, but said that it wasn't her fault that he was gay and he should just deal with it, since no one else was going to. Aaron shed a few silent tears during this scene and Chastity seemed to have actually made an impact.

Aaron's understandably gloomy stay in the hospital did have one bright moment, when Adam paid him a visit. They started off with a shared laugh over how crazy Chastity was driving Aaron, but things quickly got serious.

Aaron: You should have just left me there.

Adam: Don't start that.

Aaron: I mean it.

Adam: Right, if that's how you're going on, then I'm out of here. Seriously, mate, I can't handle this.

Aaron: No, please.

Adam: What?

Aaron: I don't want you to go.

Adam: I'm not going to sit here listening to you wishing you were dead, Aaron.

Aaron: Do you know what I wish? I wish that me and you could be mates again, like we used to be.

Adam: We can. We are.

Aaron: No we're not.

Adam: What are you saying? You don't want to hang around with me?

Aaron: It's just everything has changed.

Adam: Nothings changed. You still get on my nerves, you still say dumb things, and you do even dumber things, but you're still my best mate. God knows why, though!

Aaron: 'Cause you're a weirdo.

Adam: You are. At least I'm not the one who tried to kill himself, eh?

It was so good amidst all these heavy scenes to see Aaron laughing again! I love the friendship between these two now more than I ever have. I think it's really amazing that they're telling a story about a very close, solid friendship between two guys, one of whom is straight and one of whom is gay, and that even after that attempted kiss last December when Aaron misread a moment between them, Adam isn't at all uneasy around his friend. That's a pretty powerful message, if you think about it.

Aaron was released from the hospital, after attending half of a session with the psychiatrist, and Chastity and Paddy teamed up to keep an eye on him at all times once he was home, with Chastity even moving back into the house so that they could take it in shifts.

Aaron continued to try and push his mother away, though he seemed to be slowly starting to let her back in. Aaron wasn't ready to see anyone in the gossipy village just yet, but his friendship with Adam grew stronger by the day and I loved the new lightness in their interaction with each other, and that Aaron finally had someone he could just relax and be himself with. I especially loved this exchange between them, after Aaron complained that Paddy and Chastity were there every time he turned around:

Adam: They're worried about you, mate. What you did shook them up.

Aaron: Well, I wouldn't have bothered if I'd known I'd be under twenty four hour surveillance.

Adam: That your way of saying you regret it?

Aaron: You're as bad as any of them, you'll be getting me to talk about my feelings next.

Adam: Maybe if I did that in the first place, instead of acting like a prat-

Aaron: Well, you weren't to know, were you Farm Boy?

Adam: It's true though. I should have acted differently.

Aaron: What, by kissing me back?

Adam: You wish mate!

Aaron: Don't flatter yourself, pal, you're not all that.

All of this, of course, delivered with much playful laughter between the two. How awesome is that? It's an incredible message to be sending out, as I've already said, and at the same time this friendship that had been very strained since last December has become the light hearted silver lining to Aaron's story after some very dark turns. I'd love to illustrate this with some screencaps of the two of them from last week, but I haven't been able to find any yet.

What will happen next with the Jackson situation and with the rest of Aaron's family and the village as they inevitably start to find out the truth Aaron was so desperate to hide remains to be seen, but I can't wait to see it unfold. I'm such a huge fan of this incredibly well written and acted story!

By the way, the story has been nominated for some British Soap Awards. Danny Miller has been nominated for Best Dramatic Performance, while the show in which Aaron confessed his sexuality has been nominated for Best Single Episode, and the overall story of Aaron's sexuality has been nominated for Best Storyline. All very much deserved!

Dominic Brunt, who plays Paddy, was also nominated but it was for Best Comedic Performance. This nomination was not, needless to say, for Paddy's part in Aaron's story!

It's a shame that the British Soap Awards don't do Best Actor and Best Supporting actor type awards, rather than just Best Dramatic Performance and Best Comedic Performance. Dominic really did deserve his own recognition for his work here. Hopefully, the story will sweep every award it's nominated for.

Now, I hope I've made clear that I think Danny Miller is an incredible actor. With how talented he is, it honestly wouldn't matter to me a bit what he looked like, and yet I have to say that it's an added bonus that he happens to be not only very talented, but also breathtakingly hot. I'll leave you with this evidence of that:

Aaron's Story: Catching Up, Part 1

Things have been very busy for me lately, so I'd fallen behind in both watching and writing about Aaron's story on the British soap Emmerdale. I've finally caught up, at least through the beginning of this past week, so I'm now going to cover two week's worth of story at once. I'm going to divide this into two posts so that it's not too tediously long.

In case you're wondering, I'm also behind on this past week's LuRe episodes of As the World Turns, but my plan is to be caught up by the end of the weekend and to write about them on Sunday night.

You'll recall that when I last wrote about Aaron, he'd just had his first kiss with Jackson, only to turn around and discover that his best friend Adam had witnessed the whole thing.

Paddy was concerned the next day when Aaron, who'd left the house in a good mood the night before, suddenly went all quiet and moody again. Paddy turned to Marlon for advice on whether or not he should push Aaron to talk to him about what had happened, and Marlon suggested once again that Paddy talk to Aaron's mother about the whole situation. In the end, Paddy decided to just wait and see if Aaron's mood improved.

Meanwhile, Adam ran into Aaron's co-worker, Ryan, in the pub and heard about Aaron's bad mood for himself. Adam headed over to the garage to talk to his friend and attempted to let him know that he didn't care that Aaron was gay.

Everything he said was met with complete silence, though, when Aaron kept on working as if Adam wasn't even there. In the end, Adam walked away after telling Aaron that he was there if he wanted to talk.

Over the next days, Aaron remained more or less silent and broody, except when he was lashing out at people in the village. After witnessing one such incident, Adam took it upon himself to speak to Paddy when the veterinarian was on a working visit to his family's farm.

After nervously ascertaining that Paddy already knew about Aaron being gay, Adam filled him in on the kiss he saw between Aaron and Jackson, and that Aaron knew he'd seen and was freaked out by it.

Adam: I just wanted him to know that it's okay, that I'm his mate and I'm cool with it, you know? But he's completely shut me out.

Paddy: You can see why.

Adam: How do you mean?

Paddy: Adam, you were the one who was trying to out him when he was first going through all this!

Adam: Yeah, but that was different, all right, I was protecting Holly!

Paddy: Well, you're not protecting your sister now, are you? He goes through all that with you, and more, and then just as he's about to come to terms with it, he goes out on his first date and there you are, of all the people!

Adam: Yeah, all right, I didn't mean to.

Paddy: I know. I'm sorry. I'm not blaming you, but it's the last thing he needed.

Adam: I just wanted him to see that-

Paddy: Leave it. Please. Back off. The situation is bad enough as it is.

I really liked that Adam was making a real effort to show Aaron that he honestly didn't care about his sexuality.

The next day, Paddy told Aaron about his conversation with Adam and that they were both worried about him, but Aaron quickly shut the conversation down and stormed off. Jackson, meanwhile, kept trying to reach Aaron on his phone, but Aaron wasn't answering his calls.

Aaron was in the pub with Ryan when Adam and Scarlett came in to have a few drinks in celebration of Adam's birthday. Things seemed to be getting back on the right track when Aaron actually talked to his friend and wished him a happy birthday.

At that point, though, Jackson showed up at the pub. Adam spotted him first and choked a bit on his drink, which got Aaron's attention. Aaron quickly pulled Jackson aside to ask him what the hell he was doing there.

Jackson explained that he'd come to see if he was okay, since he wasn't answering his phone. Aaron reluctantly bought Jackson a drink but told him that he couldn't 'do this'. Jackson assured him that he'd got the message and would leave when he'd finished his drink. He was just getting up to go when Ryan joined them, though, and after they'd chatted for a bit Aaron's co-worker suggested that the three of them head out for a night on the town together.

Aaron was clearly uncomfortable with all of this, but it seemed to amuse Jackson, who really didn't seem to grasp just how desperately closeted his new love interest was. Ryan went to use the bathroom before they left and when Jackson playfully grabbed Aaron's arm to pull him up from the table, Aaron completely panicked. It wasn't a gesture anyone would even have noticed if Aaron's own reaction hadn't called attention to the two of them.

In front of the everyone in the pub Aaron loudly told Jackson to keep his hands to himself, calling him a pervert and punching him. He might have done worse if Paddy hadn't been there to hold him back and pull him out of the pub. As they left, Aaron yelled for people to stay away from Jackson: they might catch something.

Watching Aaron self destruct like that was pretty hard, even if it was completely expected given where the character is at in terms of self acceptance.

Back home, Paddy went off on Aaron, pointing out that Jackson had never done anything but show him a bit of kindness. He told Aaron that people were going to think he was a gay basher and Aaron said he preferred that to being called queer.

Before they could argue any further, the police showed up at the door and arrested Aaron for assault.

Paddy and Aaron's mother, Chastity, with whom he has a very strained relationship, picked him up at the police station after he was charged with ABH (which, being American, I had to look up: it stands for Actual Bodily Harm and is apparently the equivalent of our Aggravated Assault). Chastity was furious with Aaron for attacking someone for being gay.

Chastity: Beating Paddy half to death give you a taste of maiming people, is that it?

Paddy: Chas!

Chastity: (to Paddy) No, don't! (to Aaron) Who's next? Women? Children? Oooh, the disabled, yeah, because they'd be nice easy targets!

Aaron: You don't know nothing about me.

Chastity: So come on then, enlighten me! What's going on inside that sick head of yours?

Aaron: Shut up.

Chastity: Or what, you're going to start on me are ya? Give me a good pasting, show everyone what a big man you are? Only, that's your problem, isn't it? Because you're not really a real man, you're just a coward.

Aaron: (fighting back tears) I'm sorry.

This scene was so hard to watch. Chastity was completely clueless to the fact that she was saying the exact things to Aaron that he'd always feared hearing from her, only for very different reasons. Danny Miller's subdued reaction as Aaron, with tears building up just beneath the surface until they finally spilled over as he heard the very thing that terrified him the most, his mother saying that he wasn't a real man, was incredibly powerful.

After Chastity stormed out, Paddy told Aaron that it wasn't too late to tell his mother the truth but Aaron said that he couldn't. Paddy begged him to stop all of this before it got any worse, but Aaron just walked out the door.

Chastity, meanwhile, went home to her boyfriend in tears and told him that she'd failed her son and that after what he'd done, she wasn't even sure if she could love him anymore.

Aaron headed to work at the garage, where his Uncle Cain and Ryan were both waiting to give him a hard time about what had happened.

Cain: Stop off to join any hate groups on your way home? Heard the neo-nazis were looking for new members.

Cain asked if Aaron was going to be charged and joked that he wasn't sure if Debbie (his daughter, who owns the garage) would want anyone with a criminal record working there. Aaron's rejoinder was that Cain, with a colorful past of his own, should start looking for new work in that case.

Cain: Fighting talk that is. Thought you only saved that for your little gay friends.

Ryan: So what did he do, anyway? I mean, like, you must have known he was a bit... a bit that way.

Cain: Maybe his gaydar needed some new batteries.

Adam (walking in): Have you got a minute?

Cain: Whoa, whoa, careful. He doesn't like when boys start to crowd him.

Aaron cut Adam off with the news that he was being charged with ABH and dismissed him, saying he was busy. Adam told Aaron that he was going to need a mate one of these days, and he hoped that he had someone left when that time came.

Paddy went to see Marlon again, feeling that he'd clearly failed with Aaron. Marlon finally convinced Paddy that he couldn't carry the burden of trying to help the kid all by himself any longer, so Paddy headed for the factory where Chastity works.

Chastity was at first completely disbelieving and then very shaken by the news that Aaron was gay, and had been involved with Jackson. Paddy asked her to come by his place after work to talk about things and told her that everything with Aaron would be okay as long as they worked together.

Meanwhile, a fed up Marlon passed Aaron in the street and finally snapped, calling him out on kicking in the teeth of anyone who got too close to him. Aaron offered to give his cousin a demonstration of that, but Marlon told him that his act wasn't fooling anyone, and that he knew the truth, that Paddy had told him.

Marlon tried to convince Aaron that their family could cope with the truth, but Aaron claimed not to know what Marlon was talking about and hurried off.

When Paddy got back to his surgery after his visit to Chas Aaron was there waiting for him, having smashed the place up. Aaron's rage had already passed by the time Paddy arrived, though, and he was sitting against the wall with tears in his eyes, sounding completely numb as he spoke.

Aaron: You, of all people. I trusted you. All those things that you said to me, that you loved me.

Paddy: They're true.

Aaron: No, no they're not. If they were, you wouldn't have told Marlon. You swore to me that you didn't tell him. No one else had to know, they were your words.

Paddy: I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Please, you've got to believe me. I'm trying to help.

Aaron: What, by making everyone laugh at me?

Paddy: No one is laughing. That's all in your head.

Aaron: So who else have you told, then? (Paddy's guilty look is enough for Aaron to guess that he's told Chastity) No! No, not her as well.

Paddy told Aaron that he'd only told Chastity the truth because he cared about Aaron and couldn't watch him destroy himself.

Aaron tried to leave, saying that everyone would know now, because of Paddy. Paddy blocked the door, asking why he was afraid of a few people calling him names, but Aaron warned him that he'd better move. Paddy stepped aside, saying that maybe his mother had been right. The Aaron he knew, Paddy said, would have stayed and fought. Maybe he really was a coward.

Aaron left Paddy's surgery and headed for the garage, where Ryan was just heading out for the night and asked him to lock up. That was exactly what Aaron did, too, but he locked himself inside with a car running.

The attempted suicide scenes were very painful to watch. Danny Miller did a fantastic job of portraying Aaron's complete and utter hopelessness. In Aaron's mind, everyone would know now the truth he hated so much and there was nothing for him to live for. Watching him sitting in the car as the garage filled up with carbon monoxide fumes, it all just felt very real.

While Paddy and Chastity waited back at his place for Aaron to return, Adam showed up at the garage looking for his friend and heard the motor running inside the closed up building. Adam broke a window and was able to make out through the fumes that his best friend was inside. Cain showed up about that time, ready to kick Adam's ass for trying to break into the garage, but once he realized what was going on the two of them managed to get inside and drag the very lifeless Aaron outside.

While Adam called an ambulance and began performing CPR, Cain ran to get Paddy. With Adam trying desperately to save his best friend, Paddy standing numbly by after not being able to find a pulse, and Chastity wailing that Aaron couldn't leave her, Cain spoke aloud what they all must have realized, that it couldn't have been an accident, that Aaron had been trying to kill himself.